Comments : Revenge

  • 16 years ago

    by Choose xX Alex Xx Life

    Hey there, Just some advice on your poem :D

    Its really good but i think you could have chosen some of your words better..

    'I found out that you moved on'
    could be..
    ' You moved on '

    'All this time I was ripped apart
    I don't know why
    I don't want to cry'

    could be ...

    'And all this time I was torn. Shread'
    'Not even understanding why'
    'Forbidding myself from crying.'

    You see I limited the 'I' and other small words, it helps flow sometimes :D

    xxx alex xxx