Comments : Beam of Sunshine

  • 12 years ago

    by PygmyPuff

    OMG its amazing! I read it fully, not recognizing it from the forum, and I was thinking about what I would say. I made a mental note to see how 3 stanza of 3 completely different topics would be tied together, as they flowed together so well.

    When I hit the last stanza about Sunny I was shocked, because its such an abrupt ending. Its such a lovely poem about her. If I can be "mean", i mean I cant be mean, but instead offer a different direction, the last stanza doesnt mesh at all. I mean I understand what its about from the forum, however other readers wont understand. for the sake of the contest its very well written and completely amazing, however for the general poem I would suggest that you either remove the last stanza or alter it a bit to broaden its appeal to a larger audience.

  • 12 years ago

    by The Pessimistic Peabody

    Congratulations again. Wonderful poem. I enjoyed the way you bounced around from topic to topic but still leaving it 100% about sunshine. It is a mystery until the end to all but a few, with loving swirls of craziness and nature all rolled into one. A perfect flow to boot. 5/5