I think you need to test the waters a little and try and extend your pieces. Your write well but your flow was off in this one. Not your best work but i wouldn't say it was your worst. You still have alot of talent and i am enjoying reading ur work so keep it up.

I like this poem..with the twist at the end..makes it a tripp..keep on writting gurl..come check out my poems..plz leave a comment

Lovely poem. the meaning was lost for me in the beginning but it finished up with beautiful writing!! :):)