Hey u dont need suggestions i think its good just like it is.
i love ur writing.

xx

Hiya April,

I love the subject matter. Suicide is always a meaty topic. I think it could have been structured differently and maybe elaborated on, but it's great as it is too. If you like we could work on it together. Anyway let me know.

Michael

Hi darlin....i love the subject of this. its sad and painful and full of destraught. You might want to elaborate as michael said with more feelings. It's such a strong piece but could be stronger with more descriptions on the way your feeling. Like......for example....instead of using "you tore me apart" you could use something like "at my one moment of vulnerability, when i needed your comfort, you turned from me and shredded my only hope of ever being loved." something kind of like that. BUT DONT HATE ME FOR SAYING SO! lol i'm only trying to help. and i would very much appreciate it if you see something of mine that needs work on if you would offer suggestions. It is very good.
thank you
~*~Amber~*~