Comments : Daddy, Believe

  • 16 years ago

    by IdTakeABulletForYou

    Punctuation at the end of each line that needs it would be very helpful in recognizing the flow =]

    "I'm here to tell you; you're never alone" in this line, the semi-colon would be better fit as a mere colon.

    "Daddy, look at the bright sun, isn't it amazing?
    And what about the stars shining so brightly in the night
    That's nature, daddy. That's life. That's pure beauty.
    Imagine it, think about it, smell it, feel it"

    -this line was incredibly poetic, extremely insightful, and in-depth in life. I read this line and I thought that it made the whole poem that much better. It teaches you that sometimes, the whole poems' well-being liays on just on line or verse, and with it you make it and without it it's broken. Ya made it! =]

    The whole poem was wholly inspiring. It didn't make me wanna write a poem, it just kinda made me wanna sit on this seat and smile about life in general. Your poem is the basis about what every family should be like: helpful to one another, loving eachother unconditionally. I am on of those people who doesn't listen to his own advice, and I hate my father. It's nice to see someone who has such a good relationship with theirs, which is something I would never even dream of having. Your father is lucky to have you!

    Wonderful job on this poem. It was deep and honest, and although there wasn't a sense of syllabication, the poem still flowed.

    ~Stephen White

  • 16 years ago

    by Synh

    Aw... really sad... unfortunately for me, I can't feel the true impact on it seeing as my parents are still together but it just makes me appreciate having 1 house rather than 2.

    My only criticisms are that you used 'you' way too much and that some of your lines repeated themselves. Also, I think you could maybe switch some stanzas around to help the flow a little bit. Other than that, great poem. I give it a 4.5, which, lucky you, rounds up to a 5 :)