Comments : Broken Toy

  • 11 years ago

    by x0XBloodyFantasyX0x

    OMGSH! Great effect...it made me cry. So sad yet so beautiful. I love it, please tell me when it's finished.

  • 11 years ago

    by EssenceOfLace

    I thought this was very good. i think that people would be more open to it if it rhymed. that is just how most people are. but i liked it.

    you should message me when it is finished.
    5/5

    PS on your post you said you would return the favor
    if you could please r/r/c on my new poem
    Dear Depression

    thanks!
    take care.

  • 11 years ago

    by FridusBlueheaven

    Though it's not finished yet, I can feel the emotion and it's still great to me. I really love your word picking and it's excellently written. 5/5 from me!!!

  • 11 years ago

    by Hawaiizang3l

    Wow...i know its hard to keep the structure & flow the same through out. you sort of make the lines longer towards the end. so if there was one thing i would tweek would be to try to keep the flow constant. but either way, i like this poem a lot! the beginning makes me feel that maybe that's how my ex feels. but from the middle towards the end (when it talks about not taking it back & moving on) is how i feel. .......i really enjoyed this poem, you have no idea, since ive been thinkin about the past & me ex recently..so this poem showed me that im just a toy...loved, used & forgotten....

    Keep it up =n= take care!!

  • 11 years ago

    by Blissful

    I just loved the last stanza! It was an amazing way to end your poem. I do think the flow was a bit rocky and there were some spots were you repeated yourself which also threw off the flow. I have to say though, your imagery was flawless and the words you used were perfect. Well done *5/5*

  • 11 years ago

    by Emilline

    Wow! thats really good! it sounds almost done to me! i loved it! maybe its just me but i took the poem as one giant metaphor, maybe thats not how you ment to write, but i really loved it! Greath job though, flows wonderfully!

  • 11 years ago

    by FlawlesslyTarnished

    Antoher great piece. it was unique and the structure of this piece is great too. the flow was good and this was a very nicely written piece. the imagery and the emotions are outstanding and mind blowing! lol. .even for an unfinished poem, the ending was like -:O ah-mazing- :] 5/5.

  • It's actually a good poem. I really liked it a lot. I know what this feels because I've done this to some of my old toys. Except, maybe you should put this on another place instead of "LOVE." Maybe put them in the "SAD" section. I loved it though!

    .:CiNdY:.

  • 11 years ago

    by Lemma

    This is a really really clever poem, I especially loved the lines:

    "We tried it out, we played that game.
    But in the end we both ended up losing."

    Only after the second time I read it did I pick up on the connection between the toy theme and the word "game" I think I'm having a bit of a slow day today haha. I really like the idea of this poem and although it could do with a little tidying up, it doesn't need a lot of change at all. Really love the image of the eyes glowing from the dark closet aswell. Spooky.

    5/5

    Em xXx

  • 11 years ago

    by Michelle18

    This is really good... and once again i felt like it was me talking about my ex..

    the flow was off a little ..that was only because some of your lines were a bit long.. you might want to touch it up a bit.

    but overall its a great poem.5/5