This is really great! I like the concept and the rhyming. The flow is a little shaky and a few words could be changed, but overall, it's great. I think you have a natural talent for poetry. I am really looking forward to reading more of your work. Take a little time to reread this piece out loud and picture the changes you need to make. Come back and edit and I'm sure the votes will rise. Keep up the good work.

Letty