There are only three types of people in the world: those who can count and those who can't...

What the waiter said to Jesus at the night of the last supper: we either got 2 round tables of 6 or 1 long table but you all have to face that way...

.i wanted to get my teeth whitenend.
.but i got a tan instead.

.i wanted to buy a candle holder.
.but i bought a cake instead.

-Daddy, what's a rack?

-it's a country and now shut up kid!

-Mom, i'm already 14, will you buy me a bra??

-Shut up Markus!!

it's really simple and short but when you're in a good mood, you'll laugh too.

.roses are red.
.violets are blue.
.the softer the bed.
.the better the screw.

.if you love something, let it go.
.if it comes back to you, it's yours.
.if it doesn't, hunt it down and kill it.

.it's funny until someone gets hurt.
...then it's f...ing hilarious!...

When life gives you lemons,
make lemonade.
now where the hell do i get the f...ing lemons??!!