When life gives you lemons, find one of two things: 1)someone to throw them at or 2)a shrimp to squeeze them on

You can tune a guitar...but you can't tun-a-fish...haha...maybe I'm just retarded but that's so funny!

Lying is the most fun a girl can have without taking her clothes off...

this is a song title, not an original

~!* I know its really annoying when people do this but plz go read my poems. If I'm not any good at this, I'm going to gie up so I need some feed back. Thanx...XoXo~ ღ♥eLiZaBeThღ♥

If your man is too cheap to take you out every once in a while, he's spending all his money on wh0res!

My grandma told me this because I was complaining about never going out with my boyfriend. Funny, huh?

~!*What feels good isn't always right...

..........but it always feels good*!~

He's everything I have drempt of and more...

I'm everything he doesn't want and nothing more...

Why don't old men have sex with old women?

Have you ever tried to pull apart a grilled cheese sandwhich?!

sorry, thats gross but its so funny..lol

Every night before I go to sleep I see those bedroom eyes...gorgeous body, to-die-for face and then I say to myself:

"I really need to take that mirror off of my ceiling!"

Why doesn't it hurt to fall in love, yet it nearly kills to fall out?