My wife said I was so fat that if the starving were cannibals I could feed half the world. I said we should donate BOTH our bodies and end world hunger in one go. And now she's not talking to me. Charming! |
"Lighting farts and devouring porn are both brilliant things to do after all, as long as nobody gets set on fire in either situation!" - Emma B, 14/1/08 |
Nothing is ever so bad that there isn't someone you hate that claims to have it much worse. But somehow that grates when it should please us! |
I like the phrase "citing precedent". You can bet that a fair few people on many a jury in the US have a good ol' look around the room for Dubya when they hear that. |
They say charity begins at home. Which explains why there are less hermits than there used to be. |
Can you REALLY make a stand at a sit-in protest? Who tells you when a sponsored silence is over? |
I wonder if there's a support group for failed support groups. |
Arguments with my wife tend to end with her feeling that she is ulitmately right. Which is odd because they end with me feeling that too: that she's right. That can't be right. |
A friend rang to say her computer had the black death. Confused, I asked for details. She meant the "Blue Screen Of Death". I now find it hard not to imagine plague rats as being noticeable by their blueness. |
The meek shall inherit the earth. The greedy shall inherit the cool stuff. The stupid shall inherit the power. The rest of us won't notice a difference. |