How am i suppose to trust others when i cant even trust myself

I thought i had a friend but really all i had was a bunch of lies yet to be told

Sorry mum im not ur pretty gurl dressed in pink
who is all smiles and laughter
sorry mum im ur ugly daughter dressed in black
only silence, no smiles only tears
~SORRY MUM IM UR UGLY NIGHTMARE~

They look and see me wrists
They order me to stop
But what they dont realize is
That suppressing my feelings
Is what put the blood on my wrists

You look at her, what do you see?
A smile, laughter, happy as can be?
But when I look I see the pain behind her eyes
Her silent battle, her painful cries

Im reaching out for help but i cnt find your hand

Dont look at me and say ive changed
i just cant hide this pain any longer

As u run ur hands upon my wrists and look into my eyes
You see my fear, shame, pain and my hope that ull undastand
But when i look into ur eyes i see nufin not even a gleamer of pity

As u run ur hand along my wrists
u find scars of wounds past
but each iz a reminder
that u werent der when i needed u most

Where are the hands that helped me walk?
Where is the voice that taught me how to talk?
You walked away dear mother
And now that i need you i know u wont be there
And all i am left with is my deep dispear