It truly is a gift to have a friend that will listen even when you have nothing to say.

May the fleas of a thousand camels infest the crotch of the person that screws up your entire day, and may their arms be too short to scratch!

ok, no i didn't write this, i got it in an email and thought it was hilarious.

You are a splinter in my @$$ as i slide down the banister of life!