To be strong tonite i need to cut if i start crying i wont stop

I love him so much but yet im way to scared to see him i wish i didnt have any feelings

And this weekend started with me wanting to kill myself i got into the car called some friends and i ran away to the cape i didnt look back i had no fears i just let go and i was going to deal with things when i got hom

Right now my only fear is living

I saw my dad today there was so many words left unsaid

As i looked at u today i was crying, As u looked at me u were laughing thats what hurts the most

Every party seems good in the being, u sneak off with friends get drunk get high do things with guys and have funn but how do u deal when the partys over and your back to reality?

I love him so much, hes a great "boy-friend'" but he isnt for me im getting to hurt , but yet this is the kind of relationship i want

Please anyone message me tonight i really need to talk :(
Thanks

Im trying really hard but what THEY did no one can fix so y should i try to?