Don't play hard to get when your face is already hard to want.

Bragging that you "stole" a girl from another dude is only admitting that you are now dating a girl capable of being "stolen".

If a guy stares at your boobs, just stare at his dikc ... maybe squint a little bit

I own beach front property in the friend-zone.

Grammar. The difference between feeling your nuts, and feeling you're nuts.

Gift cards: The best way to say "Here, you figure it out..."

If I've offended you with my posts, I humbly apologize. I honestly didn't think you could read.

I'm not the type of person you should put on speaker phone

You can't see your next if you're too busy looking at your Ex.

I love the sound you make when you shut the fcuk up.