If you can't laugh at yourself... I'll be happy to do it for you

All a woman needs is four animals in her life:
a tiger in the bed
a jaguar in the garage
a minx on her back
and a jackass to pay for it all

LIFE IS LIKE A D**k, WHEN IT GETS HARD... F**k IT!!

If you think life is bad, imagine what its like for an egg, you share your pad with 11 other guys, it takes 4 minutes to get hard, 2 minutes to get soft, you only get laid once and the only chick that sat on your face was your mum... life isnt that bad

If you think im weird... then you should meet the person who lives in my mirror!

HOLY ****!!! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?? oh wait...its just a mirror... nevermind

Blame the parents, everyone else does!

I never want to let you go, even if we're distance apart, just like rivers will always flow, you'll always be in my heart

Has anyone seen my mind? i lost it a while back

Why is it at the end of every dream, even the most perfect ones, we always wake up?