You cannot change a person, but you can give him the knowledge that he needs to change himself.

Never regret. It only wastes time you don't have.

Truth is in the eye of the beholder.

God must love idiots. He made so many of them.

Roses are red
Violets are blue
You have a nose like a B52

I'm curious as to how they came up with the words COCKtail... and BALLroom... And what about SEXtent? Makes ya' wonder...

Did you ever wonder where some of these singing groups got their names? I can just picture them sitting around a table and all of a sudden one of them jumps up and cries, "Hoobastank! That's it!"

Of course the Bare-Naked Ladies are men. If they were women, it would be a group called the Castrated Guys or something.

*No offence to the Bare-Naked Ladies; they're a pretty good group.

Don't ask me for directions... you'll be lost before you leave your driveway.

Anything can happen... and it usually does.