I hate what I've become... but I hate you more for making me like this!

Its been a year since you hung yourself with an ace bandage from a ceiling fan... thinking back on it now it still hurts just as much as it did a year ago! I still blame myself I could've stopped it!

Lying here on the floor where you left me, trying to put the peices back together from something that we never had, but how am I supposed to fix us if we were never real?

(part of a poem I am in the process of writing)

Wow I have dreamed about this all my life... me liking you, you liking me... I know that you like me and you know that I like you... Yet you don't want to be more than friends... why?

I can hear you when you whisper... why can't you hear me when I scream?

I still miss you
I still love you
I still want you
I still need you next to me
But you are gone forever,
and forever seems a lot longer than it really is...
will we ever meet again anywhere but in my dreams?

If nothing lasts forever... then will you be my nothing?

I'm sorry you don't love me
I'm sorry you don't care
I'm not going to spend my life
wishing you were there
I'm not going to wonder
where you are or what you do
Theses are all lies
cuz I fell in love with you

I'm sorry for the chance you hardly gave me....
I'm sorry you could't see the person I really am...

I know it is bad... but it is how i feel.... I miss you Curtis...

'tis better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all.... my ASS! I would have rather never loved than to feel all of this pain