Couls someone help an Asian-brothah out...

...and comment my new poem, I posted a few weeks ago and noone has commented yet and I don't know if it's good or not (low self-esteem)
I don't care about votes, ratings or anything, I just want a pure and honest opinion.

thank you
(and yes I'll comment or w/e in return, but it's not gonna be a "good job!" I will give you my opinion as well, if that helps)

*could