Fun Jokes

Haha, ^ that one was somewhat funny.

Here are some laffy taffy jokes:

Q: What did the horse say when he tripped?

A: Help! I've fallen and I can't Giddy-up!

Q: Why was the broom late?

A: It over swept.

hehe.

What has a dark side, a light side, and holds the world together?

DUCT TAPE!!

Man, duct tape can hold anything together...

what kind of bee's make milk?
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BOObies.... hahahahahahaha

OMG i kill me sometimes
LMAO

'Darling,' she whispered, 'will you still love me after we are married?'
'probably even more,' he replied. 'i've always had a weakness for married women.'

"SPELL ihop and then SAY ness"

Hahaha I actually did it, my mum looked at me kinda funny XD

I love the muffin one too. Ummm I suppose I should add one.....

Ok here goes...

A woman, pregnant with triplets gets shot 3 times in the stomach. Each triplet has one bullet lodged inside them but the doctor assures the mother that they'll be just fine and the bullets will be passed naturally as the triplets grow up. The woman gives birth to two girls and a boy, all perfectly healthy.

16 years later, the eldest girl runs in to her mother crying "mother mother something awful has happened! I passed a bullet in the toilet!" Her mother assures her that everything is fine and explains what happened when she was pregnant.

A few days later the second daughter runs in crying "mother mother something awful has happened! I passed a bullet in the toilet!" Again, the mother assures her daughter that nothing is wrong and tells her the story of how she was shot.

A week later the woman's son runs in shouting "mother mother! something awful has happened!" His mother cuts him off and says "let me guess...you passed a bullet in the toilet?" Her son looks at her, puzzled and says "no! I was masturbating and I shot the cat!"

Haha I like that one =)

Em xXx

^I dont get it...*thinks really hard* makes no sense at all.

"Did you hear the one about the roof?"
"no..."
"haha, its over your head"

yea, that was sorta lame...haha.

Ok..this guy walks into a bar.....
waa-waa

A man rushed into a police station and said he wanted to give himself up because he had assaulted his wife with a cricket bat.

'did you kill her?' asked the police officer
'no,' gasped the man. 'that's why i'm here!'

Nice jokes hehehehe

Two cows are standing in a field.
One says to the other "Are you worried about Mad Cow Disease?"
The other one says "No, It doesn't worry me, I'm a horse!"

A: Do you want to hear a dirty joke?

B: Ok

A: A white horse fell in the mud.

What driver doesn't have a license?

A screwdriver.

What has a neck, but no head?

A Bottle.

Some of these jokes are really funny <3

Here's one for ya's

Question:
What do you call Postman Pat after her retires?

Answer:
Pat.

Another..

Queston:
What do you call Bob the Builder after he retires?

Answer:
Bob.

Another..

A horse walks into a bar.
And the bartender says, "why the long face?"

Lol. Classic.

Another..

Patient:
Doctor, Doctor, everywhere I touch it hurts.

Doctor:
Hmm. Touch your arm.

Patient:
Okay. (touches arm) OUCH!

Doctor:
Hmm. Touch your leg.

Patient:
Okay. (touches leg) OUCH!

Doctor:
Hmm. Touch your head.

Patient:
Okay. (touches head) OUCH!

Doctor:
Okay. I see. You have a broken finger.

Hehe. Love this one. x]

Another..

Question:
What do you call a guy with a shovel in his head?

Answer:
Doug.

Another..

Question:
What do you call a man with no shovel in his head?

Answer:
Douglas. (Dugless)

Another..

Question:
What do you call a deer with no eyes?

Answer:
No-Eye-Deer
(No Idea)

Yet another..

Question:
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no genitals?

Answer:
No-Fkng-Eye-Deer
(No Fkng Idea)

And another..

Question:
What do you call a dog with no legs?

Answer:
Nothing. It won't come anyway.

Another..

Patient:
Doctor! Doctor! Everyone is ignoring me!!

Doctor:
Next please!

Why did the doctor switch jobs?

He lost his patients!

Here on earth it is true, yesterday is always before today; but there is a place where yesterday always follows today. Where?

In a dictionary.

Why did the tree see the dentist?

To get a root canal.

Why did Johnny toss a glass of water out the window?

He wanted to see a water fall.

What paper makes you itch?

Scratch paper.

What never gets any wetter no matter how hard it rains?

The Ocean.

What did one wall say to the other?

Meet you at the corner.

Who always goes to bed with shoes on?

A horse.

What is the first thing you do every morning?

Wake up.

What do people make that nobody can ever see?

Noise.

Knock knock
who's there
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad to see me?

Oh my god i just read this its so stupid lol but funny!!
A little kid walks into a city bus and sits right behind the driver and starts yelling, ''If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow I'd be a little bull.''
The driver starts getting mad at the noisy kid, who continues with, ''If my dad was an elephant and my mom a girl elephant I would be a little elephant.''

The kid goes on with several animals until the bus driver gets angry and yells at the kid, ''What if your dad was a drunk and your mom was a prostitute?!''

The kid smiles and says, ''I would be a bus driver!''

This one was great...very funny...

It was this little girl's first day of school and the teacher asked her what her name was and she replied, "Happy Butt." The teacher said, "Honey I don't think that's your name you need to go to the principal's office and get this straightened out."

So she went to the principal's office and he asked, "What's your name?" And the little girl said, Happy Butt." The principal called the girl's mother to get this straightened out once and for all.

After getting off the phone he looked at the little girl and said, "Honey, your name's is Gladys, not Happy Butt." The girl then exclaimed, "Glad Ass, Happy Butt" what's the difference?

Lol!!!^^^

^^ I LOVED IT hahaha...

Glad ass, Happy Butt hahahah nice one

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from his recent accident were serious enough to take the trucking company responsible for the accident to court. In court, the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe.
"Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, that you were fine?"
''Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the--"
''I didn't ask for any details,'' the lawyer interrupted. ''Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, that you were fine?"
''Well I had just got Bessie into the trailer and was driving down the road--''
''Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question.'' By this time the Judge was fairly interested in Farmer Joe's answer and told the lawyer so.
''Well," said the farmer, "as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting real bad and didn't want to move. However, I could hear ol' Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then the Patrolman came across the road with his gun in his hand and looked at me. He said, 'Your mule was in such bad shape I had to shoot her. How are you feeling?'"