Wow..

I feel like I'm yelling & screaming to ears that refuse to listen. How can you make a thing like depression, SO obviouse, & no one even notice? How can you be in the same house with your parents, & want nothing to do with anything, & all you do is sit in your room all day & night, & sleep. Because when you're awake, all you do is think, & fall apart even more. How can no one notice something is wrong? Yet, when they see you cry, they think nothing of it, ignore it & don't bother.

How can no one see what's going on, right infront of them? I mean. I've never felt so alone. & every time I'm home all I do, is sit in my room & sleep, because thinking is too much to handle right now. I try to get out all the time, for the day, for the night, even for a couple days. But it doesn't seem to last as long as I'd like. I hate being here, & I hate feeling like I'm yelling & screaming at someone, & have it feel like, they can't even hear me, or see me.

I'm tired of being here, & feeling like this.
I just want someone who understands how badly I don't want to be here, & why.
But no one does, & most importantly, not even my parents get it.

But that's the thing. They DO know. We've gone thourgh enough of this, for them to not know. They see it, but don't act on it, till I do in all the wrong ways. It takes me to do something stupid, for them to say something, even then, I'm lucky if they say something, cause they barely notice. My parents know when something is wrong, I just don't understand why they won't say anything, or ask how I'm doing, just the simple things, they don't bother with.

&the fact that they do know, bothers me even more, because they're not doing or even trying to do anything. It is obvious. Especially to them, which is why it makes no sense to me that they're not trying to make any difference in anything.

James is right in that nothing will happen untill you start it, have you asked for a therapist or for help from them?

sometimes parents know something is happening but are just as lost as you because they dont know what to do.

A couple months ago, I had a really bad break down. It was an option, but when the time came, I didn't feel like I was ready to talk about anything, to anyone, especially a stranger. Yeah, everyone says "strangers can help even though you don't know them" & maybe that's true, but I just haven't had the strength to be able to open up & talk to anyone, let alone my bestfriend.

I've just.. I've had enough judgement in my life, & I'm not ready for someone else to put their input in on my life. Maybe it would be a good idea, but I can barely admit to needing someone I know.. A stranger.. Just makes me feel weak.

I've asked for help from my parents.. Over & over again. & for some reason, they just.. Never seem to act on it. After my break down, I broke again, & did some pretty noticeable things, & they didn't notice.. At all.

I don't know what to do, & you're right, I am lost. I'm extremely lost, & me feeling alone all the time, isn't helping me, or the situation.

Idk what you can really do, if you have a bf or any other friend you trust alot maybe you can talk to them a little at a time, even if its just you telling them you feel alone all the time..talking to a therapist has never worked for me, i just cant seem to, but talking to a trusted friend i can do, and thats how i survive.

Yeah, it's how I get by too. I don't really think a therapist could do much for me, other then tell me what I already know, & throw judgements in my face.

Talking to a friend hasn't helped lately, no one is really ever there for me anymore, so it's weird doing all of this by myself, while trying not to do other stupid things in the mean time. I just want it to all go away. & for everything to be great. But that'll never happen..

"I've just.. I've had enough judgement in my life, & I'm not ready for someone else to put their input in on my life. Maybe it would be a good idea, but I can barely admit to needing someone I know.. A stranger.. Just makes me feel weak."

well aren't we all strangers putting our input into your life ?
i think if you're able to do this , then you should be able to go to a therapist .

"I've just.. I've had enough judgement in my life, & I'm not ready for someone else to put their input in on my life. Maybe it would be a good idea, but I can barely admit to needing someone I know.. A stranger.. Just makes me feel weak."

^^
Therapists don't just "tell you what to do". They just sit back quietly and listen. Venting and getting everything out soothes the mind and the soul. It also eases the pain alot. I've been to a few therapists in my life and I was scared the first time also. But it changed my life. Listening to my thoughts and feelings out loud made me realize what I can do myself to fix things, not being told to do something. I don't need to go to one anymore but I still want to talk to one, just to know someone is there on my side, and someone that I can vent to without getting annoyed.

Any kind of therapists and counselors know how to listen. they are trained so they know many different techniques. I did it for a while, ended up quiting because my lady knows my family and was telling people things about me and saying stuff about my family she had no right to. She signed a contract with me and broke it because she knew my family. Talking to someone you don't know may be better.

Wow, that's ridiculous. I'm sorry that kinda thing happened, that's crap.

I just kinda have to get over my fear I guess you could call it.. Learn to deal with it, other then ran away. For some reason, I just find it easier to come on here, & say stuff, knowing that atleast one person, knows how I feels & can talk to me about it. It just seems easier to talk to someone who knows, other then to someone who pretends. But who am I to say anything about pretending, I've never given anyone a chance to try to understand, or even let me know they know what I'm talking about, as well as what I'm going through.

If you ever need anyone to talk to. Or just to vent PM me and I am here to listen.

It is. Coming over your fear of wanting to talk to people can be hard. many people come here and post things wanting help or someone to talk to or even advice and get mad because of some of the things others are saying. I just like helping people.

PM me if you'd like to talk. We can talk about whatever you want:)