Help./Venting

I don't know what to do. Im on the edge of another breakdown. I'm so sick of my mother every friday night coming home drunk, i can't do anything as im the only one at home as my brother lives overseas and my parents are divorced so i cant leave her on her own.
My friend committed suicide a week ago and i couldn't attend the funeral as it was in a different city. Maybe it is easier to just go. The questions always on my mind, maybe i should, maybe i should just do it.

Im so lost and confused in my own body and soul and no longer have any feelings towards life...if you know what i mean? i dont know how many more things life can put me through before i really do give up.

"Will they notice when im
gone? So Im this girl, who has a
lot of problems. suffers from
depression. Drinks highly on
weekends. Smokes A Lot. Parties A
Lot Take me for who I am cause I
change for no-one."

You change for no one and no one changes for you, do you see the cycle, if you're going to change you should do it for yourself anyway. You are tired of your mom drinking, but profess to drinking yourself. Guilt holds you alone where you say you don't want to be, dump the guilty feelings. We always have way more choices than we're willing to see, we're either too lazy or too scared to just jump up and take back control of our own lives. If you rely on other people for your happiness and worth, you are always going to feel like that is lacking in your life.

Bob Shank: I know I have a damn good life compared to most, I know that. Its hard, and thats life yes i accept that I was just venting because its difficlut at the moment for me my friend just commited suicide I had my abussive father outside my window wanting to kill me. I have trouble accepting the fact that someone i loved wants me dead all because i spoke out and stood up for myself.

and hell i suffer from depression i have had 3 doctors diagnose me and a pysch assessment before i believed them.
I'll also state about how i haven't got round to changing my bio now that I am working for st john ambulance.

I just needed a place to vent as i dont have anywhere to do it other than on here.

Beautiful chaos: I struggle to find happiness within my life, i have it like everyone does if they are willing to find it, as i said above its been hard at the moment with my mate committing suicide and i couldnt even go to her funeral. she was more than a mate but like a sister.
also I have yet to cahnge my bio since i started to try and turn my life around.

Eventually you will find even harder things in life to contend with. Taking your life isn't a good change, unless of course you mean you are going to take your own life into your own hands and do something good with it, turn it into what you want it to be, that can mean big, scary changes, but in the end they are worth it.

Bob Shank: yess I would deffinatly call her my friend. She was the only one to stick by me. I love her so much and she will forever be in my heart, prehaps she did give up, however her life was very very hard and i wish i could have helped her more and she could have helped herself, but maybe it wasn't her destiny.

Beautiful Chaos: No i dont mean changes as in killing myself, i mean good positive changes. of course my problems may never die or leave me fully but i can do my best to have positive things in my life.
and I really really do hope that they are worth it.