Can u love someone but be with someone else?

So there is this guy that I am like really in love with and have been for the past four years but we live like 12 hours away from each other now and we still talk every now and then but i just started dating this new guy, and i am happy but now like i want to be... so i guess my question is.. is it possible to be with someone but love someone else. I still want to be with the guy that i fell in love with but that is impossible right now..

Yeah, its possible. My advice is to follow your heart, as cheesy as that sh** sounds. You shouldnt date someone when you are in love with somebody else. If you broke up with someone and still love them you either need to try and see if things can work out again or wait until you've moved on to start dating again.

People fall in and out of love all the time. It's very possible, and probably very common for people to be dating someone they do not love, while the love of their life are miles away. The sad thing about love is, sometimes, it just slips away with time. New relationships and new love do tend to come about as well though. So it's best to keep the relationship you have, and see where it goes. Your first love is always the hardest to forget, but you can always learn to love again.

I understand what both of ya'll are saying but i have loved this guy for four years and idk i like this new guy but it just doesnt feel right. i kno that probably sounds stupid as hell

In the four years you've known you "love" him, have you ever told him? Does he return those same feelings? Is he already in a relationship with someone else too? I don't know how long you've known this guy or if you've even met him before, but long distance relationships of any kind are hard, especially when you live 12 hrs away and you rarely talk. They can work, but they require commitment from its participants. You don't even believe it is possible for the two of you to be together. I'm sorry to say, but sometimes "love" just isn't enough. To love is to believe.

You shouldn't be in a relationship with this other guy either if you don't have strong feelings for him and if you don't even have confidence in the relationship, otherwise you'd just be leading him on and that isn't fair to him.

Yes i do agree with that

The funny thing is, in the end, you may not end up with either of them. That's the way love works.

Long distance is a tough thing that makes love complicated. You need to be with someone physically and emotionally to figure out love, not just emotionally. The words 'I love you' mean so much more after a kiss.

Just be careful in your choosing. It's a hard choice.
And if I had to pick, I would stick with a sure thing.

It's possible, I'm sure there a lot of people that are in the same boat as you. I don't think it's fair to the other guy because you're in love with someone else. Any relationship can work, nothing is impossible it's really up to the people. If you both try your hardest then anything is possible. It just seems like you don't really want to try anymore and you want to be with this other guy because you can actually see him and touch him, but with the other guy you can't.

You pretty much found another guy that has everything the one your in love with doesn't. You can't keep playing this game because at some point you're going to end up hurting someone. Stop wasting their time and make your decision. It's not fair. How would you feel if the guy your in love with dated someone else? It would hurt wouldn't it? If you really do love him, you wouldn't want to hurt him. Think about it.

^^ If you really believe in what you just said, my question to you is;

Where can I find a girl like that? Lol

"It just seems like you don't really want to try anymore..."

^ That's how I saw it too. Like you said, anything is possible. The only one making it "impossible" is you chaye. If you want to pursue a long distance relationship with him then you have to believe it IS possible; have confidence in it.

But, like Darrian said, you need to "stick with a sure thing". You might not be with either of these guys. You might be better off on your own.

If I were in your situation, I wouldn't be with a guy I didn't have feelings for and wouldn't be in a relationship I didn't have confidence in. Even if I loved this other guy, I wouldn't be with someone who lived 12 hrs away from me; who wasn't physically there for me, and who I rarely talked to; who I didn't have communication with. Without someone there and without communication, what do you have?

There's a lot of "good" girls out there. I guess you just haven't found the right one. My advice is before you date a girl get to know her, especially about her past!

I think some girls don't want to be commited because their "young" and want to have fun and be able to do anything they want.

Give it some time and I'm sure a girl will fall for you and only you ;]

Yeah, that's true too but if a girl hasn't ever been in a commited relationship before, you should be more aware of how she MIGHT behave.

Either way, I think getting to know the person's past is a good thing because you'll understand them and get to know them in a deeper level.

Yes, you should judge a person on their current behaviors but the past makes who they are now. I just think the past is always important. I just said in reply to what the guy said above, where he can find a "girl like that" (good girl). Just knowing as much as you can about a person, I think it should be obvious what kind of girl they are...past, present, and future, I think all important things to know...

Well yes, many people have their reasons for not being in a relationship. There are countless, the list could go on and on. I just know some girls that would rather live their life the way they want it and not be "tied down" or focused on a guy.

"My advice is before you date a girl get to know her, especially about her past!"

^ I agree with Amanda and Britt. You can't judge someone based upon their past. You should judge them based on what you know about them now; presently. People grow up. People learn. People change.

And you certainly shouldn't go around asking people or this person about their past. If you get to know them & accept them for who they are, not who they were, and they feel comfortable enough with you then THEY will share their past with you willingly and honestly.

"Sorry but I 'dated' when I was in highschool looking back on them those were flings."

^ I completely agree. I "dated" several boys (keyword, lol) when I was 12 years old (not at the same time of course), one for only several days and another for a week, but broke it off with them when they "cheated" on me because I wouldn't sleep with them. I laughed at myself for ever considering them to be my "boyfriends" or what we had as a "relationship"; they were nothing but phases and it just flings. Didn't date again until I was 16 years old, and am currently still in that relationship.

"There are the rare few (highschool sweet hearts) that actually do make it through but I can bet if you asked that couple if they were in a commited relationship then in comparison to now they'd say no."

^ My partner and I met in and have had a relationship since Gr. 10. Do we count as high school sweet hearts? I believe that time is the only measurement for a committed relationship (as well as maturity). My partner and I have been together in a steady, mature, and committed relationship for over 4 years now, straight (never have been and never will be one of those couples who break up a billion times, lol). We've had our downs to compliment our ups, but we've always overcame them together. Our commitment, and love, for one another and our relationship only grows stronger. :)

[doubled, pardon me]

I must be looking in all the wrong places!

I always end up finding these girls that LOVE to play games. I think there must be some sort of magnet attached to me or something.

I've had a few 'committed' relationships, that ended up being a game. I was the one trying hard to keep things together, and she ended up fooling around, and blaming me for not being there for her. This was way past highschool, so she must have been a late bloomer or something.

The girl I'm dating right now, she takes everything I say the wrong way. She wanted to know about my past, and as I was explaining it to her, she said I was lecturing her! She has really low self-esteem, and everytime I try to boost it, she calls me a liar. Even though I always mean what I say to her when I compliment hear.

Girls are complicated.
Maybe I should post a thread asking for advice.. lol

^ Well said Amanda. I'd also just like to say, referring back to my last post when I said that a person will share their past with you once they are comfortable with you...

Knowing someones past is NOT your right. It is a privilege. :)

I was just saying that I think the past is important. I'm not saying that once I meet someone I'm going to ask them about their past. If someone tells you about their past it just means they feel comfortable opening up to you and once they tell you, you have a more understanding of who they are and what not.

I meant it this way, let's say you meet a girl that goes to the same highschool and you know that in her past she's never had a stable relationship, she's been easy, and her relationships don't last long. The guy shouldn't put his hopes too high if he wants a commited relationship with this girl not to say he shouldn't give her chance or anything.

Or if you meet a guy and you find out he was in jail for fraud or murder or something like 5 years ago. A guy being in jail like once would BOTHER me. I'm not saying once I meet someone I'm going to ask them "oh hey, tell me about your past so I can judge you on them" like NO, I mean, I think it would be good to know once you get into a relationship with them.

^ I agree with Britt. That's where the past plays an actual important role in my opinion, more so important if the person has sexually or physically harmed another person, woman or child or committed murder. Those go on a persons permanent record and can never be undone. Even if they've only been to jail once for something minor (such as for not paying a ticket, not showing up for a court date, drinking, etc.), are an alcoholic, addicted to narcotics, etc. that is also of some importance. However, these things are not permanent and can be undone. That person can learn from the experience and can change.

"...let's say you meet a girl that goes to the same highschool and you know that in her past she's never had a stable relationship, she's been easy, and her relationships don't last long. The guy shouldn't put his hopes too high if he wants a commited relationship with this girl not to say he shouldn't give her chance or anything."

^ You consider this to be of utmost "importance"? You still don't get it, do you? People grow up. People learn. People change. Like Amanda, I'm not the same person I was a year ago. I'm constantly growing, learning and changing.

I'll humor you. I'll pretend to be this person (a guy) who meets this girl who goes to the same high school as me... I may know this girls past from the likely rumors that spread or what I may think I know of it, but, in reality, I do NOT know her or her story. Especially not when I just met her. I would get to know her first; come to know the truth. I think that is something you failed to notice or overlooked as being of most importance. You can't trust everything you overhear and certainly can't trust anything that you PRESUME to be right.

When I was in my early teens, these girls in my high school THOUGHT that I was "easy" and that my "relationships" didn't last long either. They THOUGHT I was "easy" because I wasn't as "popular" as them or as pretty so they figured I'd just take what I could get and be grateful. They THOUGHT that my "relationships" didn't last long because I was "easy" and because I wasn't as pretty. They all presumed such of me and believed everything they overheard from others, even though the didn't know me or my story; the truth. But, they were wrong. I wasn't easy, in fact I didn't give myself to someone until I was 18 and that was, and is, my current partner of 4yrs. I had morals and respect for and of myself and wouldn't give myself away to just anyone. I, in fact, had never been in a relationship. You could hardly call dating one boy for two days and another for a week a "relationship", more so flings. But even they didn't last long before they had "cheated" on me because I wouldn't sleep with them, so I dumped them. Would you have believed those rumors or presumed such of me, without even knowing me or my side of the story; the truth?

I'm curious. Just exactly how many high school "relationships" are "stable" and tend to "last long"? How many of the "relationships" you had were and did? There are a handful of those whose is genuine and who are and do, but not many. It's high school, for many, they aren't stable and don't tend to last long.

^ i agree

there are people who there with
but know they have stronger feelings for soemone else!
):

"I'm not saying once I meet someone I'm going to ask them "oh hey, tell me about your past so I can judge you on them" like NO, I mean, I think it would be good to know once you get into a relationship with them."

^ So once you're in a "relationship" with someone you have to tell them about your past right away, just like that? It's not that simple.

I'm going to tell you about a personal experience of mine (not in detail), in which I have kept secret for over 15 years from family and friends and will continue to keep secret until the day I die. The only personal person who knows is my partner.

Let's say it's 2005; four years ago when I first met my boyfriend, and he asked me to be his girlfriend. I said yes. Now, because we are in a "relationship", I'm obligated to tell him about everything from my past? How I was molested? I JUST told my partner not even four months ago about it! I never told him about it right away (for example in the first two weeks, two months or even a year into it) because it wasn't any of his business to know and because I didn't know what he'd think of me after that. I still hadn't told him (not even a year after or two years) because it was a chapter in my life I had already moved on from long, long ago and didn't see how it was of any relevance or benefit to say something. But, four months ago, my partner had been opening up to me with stories from his past and become emotional. Because he'd been comfortable with telling me, I felt comfortable enough to let him know that I could understand how he felt and that I could relate knowing that he would understand and could relate too.

Not only does a person need to be comfortable enough with you to share their past with you, they need to feel comfortable with what they have to tell you. And sometimes that takes time. Getting to know someones' past in general is a lifelong process, everyday my partner and I reveal a little more from our past (eg. as a kid I liked to look outside the window while we were on the highway for roadkill, when he was a kid another kid visiting with his mother bit the head off of his goldfish, etc.). It doesn't all just come out at once. 20 years all rolled up into 4 years, I don't think so!

I know people change...I'm not stupid...

In highschool, I only had one relationship that lasted over 2 years. Right now, I'm with someone and it's been over a year....

I'm not saying once you get into a relationship ask them about their past. Of course, it's the person's choice to talk about their past or not.

In MY OPINION the past is important AND the present AND the future. I'm not saying the past is the NUMBER ONE most important thing you should focus on.

I know people change, heck, I've changed. I don't believe in rumors, I don't spread rumors. My bf's aren't like perfect people that haven't made mistakes in their past. I'm sure everyone has made mistakes here and there. I'm not saying don't give them a chance, that's the individual's choice. Whoever you meet, don't try to judge them, get to know them first and if you like them, then get into a relationship wtih them if you want..whatever...

I love how the topic has changed from "Can u love someone but be with someone else?" to something about knowing people's past..

Actually, I think this debate got more interesting with that second question.

Personally, I can see what both sides are saying, and I agree with both to a certain degree.

Learning about someone's past is definitely a 'privledge', and it does take time for people to open up and share their past. Someone who will completely close up and hide their past, is obviously hiding something. The past makes us who we are today, there is no denying that. Even when people say "I'm not the person I once was", well *applause* you've changed, for the better or worse, I have no idea.

Our past can make us strong, weaker or not change us at all. Finding out 'how' people have changed is definitely something to know. It may not be extremely important, but it would be nice to share with someone who you 'claim' to 'love'.

" I still want to be with the guy that i fell in love with but that is impossible right now.."

you can love someone while being with someone else. but, I wanted to post my opinion on your last comment. so please, do forgive me if you don't see yours to be the same.

- it is NOT impossible. love, overcomes everything! distance, isn't the problem. one, or the two people are. I am now in a relationship with someone who I met on the internet seven years ago. & honestly, the only reason it never worked "over the internet" was because he couldn't stick to just me, which hey, who could blame him, I never did. & I still don't. you as a human being, can do what you please. we as human beings do not realize how much power we truly have. if you want to be with him, girl, you BE WITH HIM! the distance, it is very hard, but if I could do it, anyone can. we weren't just twelve hours. im talking, I was in florida & he was in illinois. anything is possible, especially if love is involved. you can make it happen, but it has to be the both of you. I now live with my fiance. & just remember, its not impossible. its just that most people can't handle being lonely & not being able to depend on someone close for what every person longs for, which is closeness of the others body, someone you love to wipe your tears & so on.

if you want it, the both of you, you can make it happen.