I dont believe in regrets but I really need a rewind button!

Hello, as you can probably guess based on where i am posting this i need some advice. I am 20 years old and have been turning to this site for help since i was 14, now i need it more than ever. My boyfriend and i have known each other for 5 years and been living together for 2.5. i am the type of girl who believes in long term committment and divorce isn't a word i even believe in. This past april after a night of drinking which is supremely rare for me i cheated on him. It was with avery great friend of his and i haven't told him. My bf is the only one i have ever had sex with untill i made this mistake. i was drunk to the point where i don't remember much of the night and his friend was fairly sober. i made a huge mistake but he world doesn't come with rewind buttons. i have debated both sides of telling him or not telling him and i don't know what to do. i know without a doubt that he would forgive me bc we plan on being married. i could tell him but I'd really be doing it to make myself feeling better or i can not tell him and save him from the pain but do i want o get into a marriage without 100% honesty?

Lol JUst because you plan on getting married, doesn't mean he will forgive you and not telling him is not to protect him, it is to protect yourself. If you truly believed he would forgive you and you should enter marriage being 100% honest, you would tell him. People make mistakes and sometimes there are consequences, part of being an adult is dealing with them.

I think you should tell him, because the worst thing for any man is if his girlfriend isn't honest. It was a mistake like you said and you were drunk, he could forgive you, especially because you've been with him for 5 years. The truth usually comes out after a while, you can't hide it for long and so it's better if he found that out from you.

Hm. First off, being drunk is never a good enough excuse. I think in these situations it is better to be straight forward. You seem rather immature and whatnot when you start off with, "I was drunk." If someone had cheated on me, I would actually appreciate their effort to full out admit they made a mistake. Not using stuff like, "I was so drunk..."... or "They came onto me first..." ... My personal favorite: "It didn't mean anything!"...

Oh please. People need to stop telling that to their loved ones. Just get to the point and get your head around the idea that you did really cheat. It's tough, but the truth is meant to hurt sometimes.

As far as telling him. Right now, the ball is in your court. But you have to understand if you do tell him, it's in his court. If it were me, I would tell him without any of those B.S. lines... and then give him space and respect whatever choice he makes from then on.

How can you expect him to forgive you, if you clearly haven't forgiven yourself?

Being drunk makes a person do things with out rational thinking, but to be fair there must of been something on your behalf.
Whenever i've been drinking, though i often regret the things i've done or said, they are normally things i think about when i'm sober.

Being drunk is not an excuse.

This relation to your fiance, will most likely shatter his world, completely beyond doubt. He is most likely blame himself, especially as your story conveys you as some kind of victim, (you were drunk, the other guy weren't, possibilly he took advantage) but he is meant to protect you from the world.

This is a massive burden to give to your boyfriend, infidelity carries trust issues on both sides, would you forgive him the same mistake?

Maybe it will make you stronger, maybe it will break you, but before you can expect him to forgive you, please forgive yourself. His forgiveness won't make you feel any better.

I wish you all the luck with this one.

Hey everyone I really appreciate all your response and I just wanted to pos and update!

I did alot of self reflection because most of you had very valid arguements. There was obviously a reason as to why I did it even if alcohol was involved. The guy I cheated on him with was a good friend and will always be as he is a mutual friends of both of ours and I think that at the time I was just so insecure with my relationship that I went to the one other guy in my life that I trusted.

I told my guy what happened and gave him the space he needed and after only 24 hours, he came back and told me that we needed to work through it because he loves me and knows its not my normal character. We've been working on it for about 3 weeks now and it will be something we have to work on for a long time, but he wants to just let it go and move on. He appreciated me being honest b/c he wopuld rather know now and work on our relationship then to lose me over it and never have known why.

I don't believe in regrets because you can't change them but everyday our relationship gets better b/c we talk more and I learn from my mistake.

Thank you!!!