Guide to the Singles Life 101

I thought it would be a good idea to create a thread dedicated to those who are, have been or are recently single. Lately, it seems like the consensus is that being single is in some way a bad thing or a stigma. I don't believe that is so.

Please, share your thoughts on this as well as give tips (for a lack of better words) to those who are single on things they can do being single, things they shouldn't do, why it can be a good thing, etc. For example, things you can do: Date more (not as in relationships but just go on dates), focus more on your academics, more time to be independent, etc. Things you shouldn't do: Drunk-text (intentionally or not) your ex, rag on your ex or their new love interest, etc. Share your thoughts on the subject and any other valuable input you wish to share.

Yes of course! its a good idea of you.

i m single as well. and i love it. but there is a stage in life wen every single person should think about someone to be with.. it happens with me.. but i m single. and i am enjoying my life.

Liquid Grace
almost true :)

Sorry it's taken me so long to respond, I hadn't found the time to come back to it.

Amanda, you took the words right out of my mouth. I agree with the points you've made about how being single has it's perks and can be a positive thing. As well as being in a healthy, happy, stable relationship can too. I'm glad you put BOTH out there. My intentions of the thread were not to compare being single and being in a relationship as one being better than the other. I've found that the general mindset among young teens and stigma is that being single is a "bad thing". I hope by creating this thread and accumulating responses that it might help to change the stigma and mindset of those who are single and think this way.

"I think being single starts to suck when your reach a more 'mature' age. Where many of your friends are getting into those serious relationships, some even engaged. Then your single group becomes a couples night. If your single you tend to feel the loneliness more especially when you see everyone else so happy."

^ I agree. I think that the mindset of being single "sucks" comes into play when you reach a more "mature" age and you see the other people in your life, be they your friends, family or other, getting into relationships (not necissarily a serious relationship), engaged or married. In general, you want what you don't have, whatever that may be. Be it happiness, the company, knowing someone's there, love, intimacy, etc. I don't think it's a bad thing for someone to feel that way (to want to be happy, to know someone's there, to experience love, etc.), but I do think it can have a negative effect on a person's mindset, attitude and overal self. For example, I knew someone when I was in high school who told me that she was tired of being single, it sucked, everybody was in a relationship and would take anything she could get. I'm not eveing stretching that. When I was still single I did not feel the need nor even a want to be in a relationship or to have a boyfriend despite most of my friends currently were or already use to be. I was more secure than that and had my own opinions/values. I was always a firm believer, and still am, in not searching for love or relationships. In my opinion and experience, the best kinds of relationships are the ones that naturally construct themselves in time and that true love grows on it's own accord over time. Not the ones that are forced or rushed.

I'd like to see people spend less time wanting to be or looking to be in a relationship or that special someone. Like you said Amanda, when you focus all your energy, time and overall being into just one thing (finding a boyfriend or girlfriend) you can forget one of the most important things, most important person, yourself. I find when a person does this it's an attempt to validate themselves or to fulfill a desire (for happiness, love, companionship, etc.). There's nothing wrong with wanting to be happy, to experience love, to know that there is someone there, etc. but I do not believe that you have to be in a relationship or that someone else to validate those feelings or for them to be true.

Being single can be a lot of fun. I truly believe people, especially when they're still teenagers and still in high school, should stay single as long as they can, it's their time and opportunity for self growth, or at least wait to be in a relationship with someone else until it's someone they have strong feelings for. I'm not telling people they shouldn't date. Just saying that there's nothing wrong with being single either. But if they do want to date then don't make it a project. By that I mean don't make it a project to find "The One", "Mr./Mrs. Right" or "Prince Charming/?", because that first boyfriend or girlfriend, or even the second, third, fourth, etc., will not always be. Don't try to rush or force a relationship or feelings, let the relationship develop and the feelings grow on their own accord naturally over time at it's own pace. Also, don't live in the past or in the future, don't get hung up on past relationships and don't look so far ahead into your future, just enjoy the time you get to spend with that person and live in that moment. Cherish and appreciate the relationship and person as is.

I think bn single is rly a gud thing if yu jus wanna live nad have fun and not b tied down although sum ppl get lonely n want sum1 but me on tha other hand am afriad to b tied down committment ends in potential heart break!

In my opinion, the greatest thing about being single is the freedom. Travel far and travel often, have experiences, and never once feel guilty for not giving enough attention to someone else.
So many kids (and I mean KIDS) are in "long term" relationships these days that I have to wonder where they find the time to have a relationship with themselves. It's sad that these relationships happen during a pivotal time in growing, changing and understanding yourself... I believe that nobody should be in a relationship before they have some sort of solid grasp on who they are or what they want to be, I mean, otherwise, what are you contributing but doubt, questions, or worse, a false impression of you?

There's nothing wrong with being single :) to the contrary, it's a real blessing. Besides, relationships are booring and not so much fun :p

Being single is a fleeting gift that many people will inevitably have taken away from them forever...

Take advantage of it while you can. Travel the world. Be free.

Relationships should be avoided until it reaches a point where it's just not practical to say you're single anymore.

Staying single is a blast... You're free when you're single. If not for people and society bugging me and whining for me to be in a relationship I wouldn't have been in one... Being single frees you of all the thinking and pondering, you have no worries then. <<< Fed up and getting it out!

While you're single, have fun, because you can. Go out, live your life, travel, make friends and have something to do with them, enroll in classes and make something out of your life. Something you'd be remembered for and stop focusing your life on romantic love and love your life! Why is it that romantic love is a scale for happiness? Any person could live life happily without that kind of love.

I'm sorta in an interesting in-between phase of being single/not. (I'm a teenager) and because I'm a minor the guy I'm interested in (is 18) his dad doesn't approve of us dating until I turn 18, which is in another 8 months. So we have a while to both stay single while developing that friendship more and more, getting to know each other without having all the stress or physical problems that can come with a relationship. I've been really lonely being single before, or I've been perfectly fine. I've learned that your mindset has a lot to do with it, but being single is what you make it to be.

If you always focus on the: I'm not with anyone. I miss him. I miss being held. I miss holding someone. Then of course you're going to start a pity party and want to be in a relationship.
If instead you choose to focus on being single like this: I can develop real friendships that don't rely on who has a thing for who. I avoid all the drama/stress/heartache that can come with a relationship. I really need to focus on school right now. I'm not sure if I want to tie myself down in this area.

The best and worst part about being single is you aren't taken by any one person.

I have been single for about 2 months now, and slowly and surely I am moving on but I think that the reason I am moving on is because I am enjoying life, i recently went back to school and love it! I like the freedom that being single brings. I dont have anyone asking where I am all the time, or anything. I go out with my friends alot more and most of all spend more time with my daughter.
Being single is fun, but I know there will be that time when i will want to be with someone, and i will be ready to move on and start a real relationship.
For now all the single people enjoy your life and live it to the fullest.

Wow. i been single for 1 year. and its been a pretty long time. but in that year i got to really get too know who i am. being independent realizing i dont need a man to make me happy. dated alot some dates went good and some where such a waste of time. but overall its been nice being able to b free and not depend or ask for permission on where u are going or who you are with.
so people who are single or have that special someone enjoy life to the fullest we only live once so we gotta make the best of it.