Can't stop comparing them

I'm in a recent relationship now which is a long distance relationship and i love him, but i can still remember may past and can't stop comparing him to my recent boy friend.what should i do?

Can you explain in what ways you compare them? Are they good or bad comparisons? Do you still have feelings for your ex? How did your past relationship come to an end? Do you feel like you have "unfinished business" between you and your ex?

Remember you left him for a reason and thats that... This new person should be your focus, remember the reason you're with this person and not the other is because it works for you here more than it did there.

I'm guessing you rushed yourself into this relationship to forget about the other person and so now you're not fully over him and so, you compare them. Now that you're in a relationship be thankful for what you have. Try to focus on this person and love him for who he is. Look for his own qualities and not the qualities of your ex and try to enjoy being with him. There must be some comparison, but try to keep it positive, don't compare bad in him and good in your ex, or routinish things that your ex done and he doesn't. Compare them to show yourself this person is different, and try to get over your ex.

If you are not ready to be in a relationship (and this is very important), then you need to tell that to your current and figure out a way to slow the pace, or stop the relationship before either one of you is hurt. I think you should think of this deeply and thoroughly; meaning really think about it. Think about why you entered this relationship, why you're still in in, why you want to be in a relationship, if you actually like this person, if you like the way things are going, if you see a future to it and why (no comparison here)... I mean REALLY think about it.

Usually a past relationship that was very serious often has lingering effects.

How much time passed before you entered into another relationship? Why did it end? Did he end it?

Many things can play a part into why you compare them. One major one is closure problems. Pending on how your last relationship ended you may not have had the proper closure or even time to yourself to get over what happened. Also the dynamics of this new relationship is entirely different. Since you mentioned this is an LDR over your last relationship which was probably very local? These two types of relationships are almost impossible to compare. What you have to realize is Long distance relationships (LDR's) are completely different from those relationships that aren't. You can't go see them whenever you want to, you don't have a hug to make you feel comfort only a voice over a phone or a glimpse of them through a webcam. Perhaps your main comparison is what you were able to do with your ex over what you can't do in your current relationship. You may think that things with your ex were a little better but that was because time spent with him was easy, memories were easily made, in times of need you were comforted with arms and a shoulder to cry on. TO be in a long distance relationship means becoming comfortable with yourself. Finding comfort in the words he speaks over his arms around you.

Long distance relationships are far harder. I found my husband and I argued more when we were in our LDR then when we were together. We were together a full year before he had to leave so we had something to base it off of. Then when we were finally together for good the petty arguments ceased. You have to have so much trust in the person your with. It's a hard thing to do especially if this person is someone you've never met in real life.

If you didn't give yourself enough time between the relationships to heal you actually may be doing more harm then good. You could be comparing them because you still have feelings for your ex. You still have him high on this pedestal. If he broke up with you then it could cause problems as well, since the person who breaks up usually finds closure since they're the ones who have come to this conclusion. Where as you'd be the one who didn't want to break up and the feelings linger, perhaps even resentment. Usually the person who is broken up with find closure a hard thing to find as there are many unanswered questions.

Why you compare them can only really be answered by yourself. Why do you compare them? What do you find you compare about them? Are the comparisons often in your ex's favor? Why? Do you miss him? Do you miss your relationship about him? What about it do you miss? Does your new relationship provide the same comfrot you found in your past relationship? What aspects of this relationship are different? In a good way and in a bad way.

More often then not comparisons come with not being over that person. If that's the case you need to give yourself that time. Ultimately it isn't the least bit fair to this new person your with. Would you enjoy being compared to your new boyfriends ex? Would you find comfort in the fact that you don't match up to the girl she was to him? How would that make you feel if he was the one reminiscing about the past and not living in the present with you? Would you feel good enough for him? Would you resent her for ever coming in his life and now coming into your relationship distracting his thoughts? Would you find it unfair that he started a relationship with you when it's clear he's not over her?

Actually i'm the who broke up with him though i still love him so much,but i have to.and i don't think if i'm comparing them in a good or in a bad way.i'm just comparing them because i'm much close with my past and have more memories with him than my new boyfriend now.Yes i still miss my past relationship than in my new (LDR) boyfriend now.but i don't think i still love him or maybe i just don't wan't to remember those feelings i have for him.

we've been together in 6 years me and my past boy friend, we broke up almost 2 years have passed.

actually my new boyfriend now is my classmate in my high school year,i know about him a little.

Your story is really all over the place and rather confusing.
So

1. You contradict yourself "i still love him so much" then you say "but i don't think i still love him"

2."actually my new boyfriend now is my classmate in my high school year" How do you define long distance? You guys go to the same school together so it can't be long distance.

3. "i know about him a little." You're dating a guy you hardly know? Isn't that the purpose of becoming friends first over dating right away? Which to me equals you rushed this new relationship

Overall I do think you still love your ex and I don't think you're over him at all. It shows in how skewed your story is.

^ exactly what I thought... I still stand by my first reply. I mean you're the one who left him. Why did you leave him? was it really a good call? how do you know things wouldn't have worked out? If it was that bad, then why remember it all? and why compare?

You really need to read this OP.. Actually read it and think about things.

"If you are not ready to be in a relationship (and this is very important), then you need to tell that to your current and figure out a way to slow the pace, or stop the relationship before either one of you is hurt. I think you should think of this deeply and thoroughly; meaning really think about it. Think about why you entered this relationship, why you're still in in, why you want to be in a relationship, if you actually like this person, if you like the way things are going, if you see a future to it and why (no comparison here)... I mean REALLY think about it."

All- okay i decided to live the past so i have to stop thinking about it and stop comparing them...i have to focus my new boy friend and have a good memories with him when he got home...

Dark secrets- i leave my ex because of my parents-they really don't like my ex because he is so irresponsible,actually we have a baby.that is why i stop it so that we won't always argue with my parents about him.

anyway thank you guys...i really did thinking about it over and over last night.so that's what i decided now. i really appreciated your advice...

As humans we always compare things in our minds.
Mountains you have seen are bigger than others
Oceans are deeper than others.
When you find the right Mountain, you climb it!
If the shoe fits, wear it! Jump in deep See!

Edward- you're right, and for me i really can't help it...

The fact that you have a child together with your ex explains it all.. He will now in one way or another be in your life. This is a bit of a different dynamic now. It also makes it hard to move on. Even though you've been parted for 2 years you have a common connection, your child. That will always be there no matter who you date. I think that also plays a part in how you compare them.

However no matter when, and no matter what you do your ex will play a role in your babies life. With time you'll be able to compare him less. But I now understand why so much time has passed and you've still been unable to fully get over him. The situation you're in makes it hard.

Also please keep your child in mind with this new guy. Now that you have a child who you date comes secondary. It is important that you get to know people before dating them, especially when you have a child involved. Who you date will also be in your child's life. You want someone who you are comfortable with as a friend first, someone you actually know not. "know a little".

Goodluck with everything. Just know this will be hard to overcome and from the sounds of it, this is your first relationship since breaking up with your ex and your baby's father. So naturally the transition will be hard.

Grace- i admit he(the father of my baby) still involved because of our child.

sure my child is now my priority, but maybe you're right i still have to get to know him more. know what i think he(my new boyfriend) really is sincere for me because he accepted all about me and my child.

anyway thank you grace, 'it's quite hard' for me to handle this but i have to be strong 'though i'm not' at least in front of my baby i'm not feeling very weak, right?...

I still love my past relationship...

Stop comparing..start loving truly and faithfully

That would be it... i hope so...

I mean that supposed to be it, but maybe too late already...