Uhh?

My parents absolutely HATE my boyfriend whos a lil older than me but not by much. and im not quite sure why they hate him. hes never done anything to hurt me or make me cry or break my heart. he just hates it when i go out with my girls. and i understand when he says theres no reason for me to go to the club when i have a boyfriend but its not like im tryna find anyone else. im happy where im at and for once theres a smile on my face and a spark in my eye (so my real dad says). but shouldnt my mom and step dad just be happy for me?

i just dont understand why they hate him so much.

How much older is he and how old are you? I take it old enough to be going to clubs.

Parents sometimes just have this mentality of looking out for their children. I promise you they aren't doing it to ruin your life. There's always a good reason. Why not ask them? Don't have a confrontation with them, merely a conversation where you say. "I've noticed that you don't like ___. I care a lot for him and it would mean a lot to me if I could know why you don't. I'll respect whatever you have to say. I was just looking for some feedback so that maybe a common ground could be found."

All in all the 'controling' behavior does sent off a mini red flag. The fact that you try to explain it as harmless also puts another 'mini' red flag up. I say mini because right now it doesn't seem like a big deal. However controling usually starts off small then gradually gets bigger. He needs to respect that you need your girl time. You go to clubs to be with your girls, to look out for them if any sketchy guys are there. Just because you are dating him now doesn't mean you become 'dead' to those you've known all your life.

Does he hang with guys? How would he feel if you told him who and where to hang out with his friends. A relationship is about trust. If he doesn't trust you to go out to a club and just have a good time with your friends, what does that truly say about your relationship? Has he had a past girlfriend cheat on him? If so this could be a reason why he's that way with you now, but past girlfriends shouldn't dictate how he treats you. That's not fair to you.

I go out with my girlfriends all the time. If my husband dared to tell me I couldn't I'd laugh at him. Some may see that as disrespectful, but I find it disrespectful to try and control someone to that nature. However my husband and I are great communicators, he'd never do that to me just as I'd never do that to him. I think it's healthy to be away from eachother, get some down time with friends. I'm always encouraging my husband to go out fishing, drinking , or just general fun guy time.

I think you should 1. Communicate with your parents to find out why they don't like him. They're really the only people that can explain to you why. If they say "We just don't like him." kindly respond with. "I'd really like to have some kind of example to go off of. So I can either help to explain how he is or take into consideration something you may feel is bad about him."

2. Communicate with your boyfriend on how him telling you where you can and can't go is disrespectful. How you feel that it shows he has a huge lack of trust in you. Something you don't deserve as you've never done anything wrong to him. I'd then tell him, if he can't ever trust you then how will the relationship ever work? It won't.

^ I agree to that... have nothing else to add.

Im 20 and hes 24. and yes hes been played many times in the past. but i explain to him all the time that they have nothing to do with me. my names is amanda not...who ever he dated in the past.

i will talk to my mom and step dad. this has been helpful. thank you soo much

Well it turns out that they dislike him because im never home and im always with him, he stopped going to his GED classes, and didnt have a job.

if they would actually talk to him when hes around and not ignore him that would know that he stopped class because he took the text and passed and has his GED now and he works, doing roofing.

they never even gave him a chance to begin with

I'd chalk it up to a misunderstanding. I think it's great that they now know he has his GED. I do think it's important to not forget to be around your family. Part of them not knowing him is their fault but it's also on you guys as well. If you don't go see them how are they ever going to become comfortable with hi? Also don't hold this against them (about the GED thing). How did they think he didn't get his GED in the first place? They now know and hopefully you can regard their wishes. See them a bit more so that they 1. get to see their daughter. and 2. see the man in her life. Otherwise all they have is here say to go off of.

Parents are protective. I think any parent whose daughter is dating a 24 year old man who didn't have his GED (at the time I'm sure when you first started dating he hadn't). Parents worry about their kids future, worry about someone like that bringing them down. Or about the other person living off of them. It's a common worry for many parents one that can only ever be swayed when parents see that their child is in good hands. That they can not only take care of themselves, but there's someone else there who can possibly share in that responsibility.

Again just give your parents a bit of slack here. Your at the age where it's very hard for parents to cut the cord. I know this was the hardest year of my life with my parents (when I was 20) they had to come to terms that I was an adult and making my own decisions. Once they were able to see how happy I was, how mature and capable I was to take care of myself, but I also had someone that was by my side and helped as well. It's very hard for parents to realize their children don't need them anymore. As much as this is a transition phase for you into Adult hood it is for them as well. Just try to remember that if you feel they get overbearing.

Point is they miss you, ensure to see them or at least call your mom up often. You want them to feel like they're still important and that your life doesn't revolve around just your boyfriend. I call my parents once a day and text at least twice. I keep them and have always kept them in the loop on what's going on in my life. We see my inlaws every weekend if we can't we see them every other weekend (we drive an hour to see them). I see my parents once every 3 months because of how far away they are (8hrs away). But I now love going home. At 20 I didn't like it as much, I wanted to be free. Or so I thought. Now to me nothing beats going home and spending quality time with my parents. They won't be around forever and I truly want to make as many memories with them and my family as possible.

I totally understand what you are saying. if i could like this post 100 times i would. thank you