He Won't Leave Me ALONE.

Okay, so, I dated this guy for about a month. Turns out he was just a little crush and I regretted saying yes to be his girlfriend. At the time, a lot of drama had gone on in my life.
He was calling twice a day almost everyday. Always trying to hold my hand and put his arm around me.
I couldn't BREATHE.
I broke up with him and now a few months later he still likes me...I don't like him. I just want to be his friend, because HE wanted to be MY friend....but he's telling me he "loves me" and is "in love with me". But I don't know what to tell him.
The other night I went downtown to listen to live music with my friends and Brent (my EX) was there and my good friend Dillon.
Dillon and Brent are friends...sorta. Not much anymore.
I like Dillon now. I have for a while. I know Dillon likes me, but Brent....Lord.
Brent wanted to talk, so we did. He told me to be honest, and he would still be my friend. I was honest, and then he was NOT very friendly at all.
He also said if Dillon and I went out, he'd be mad.

I don't know what to do...I just don't know if I want to be his friend if he's gonna act like that.

Brent told me, I couldn't tell him a personal secret and not want to be with him...You see, I've struggled with self-harm for a long time now. I had to explain to Brent that he needed to leave me alone because he was just adding to the stress by always asking, "Are we getting back together?" and "Do you still like me?" and "Should I move on?"

I was downtown with my best friend, Stassney.
Right before my friends and I left, he yelled "Stassney!!" He ran up to her and hugged her, and then he just said my name. He sorta hugged me.
He only hugged Stassney to make me feel bad, then he hugged me to make me think of him.
I was NOT thinking good thoughts.
He can NOT decide who I do, or don't like.
And he is so clingy.

What do I do...?

Just tell him how you feel about him, that you "just want to be his friend", clearly and firmly, but whichever way you do it, try doing it in a nice way, we dont want to hurt nobody, do we? you can do it! lol. good luck Hannah. CMS! :D

I HAVE done that...multiple times now. He just doesn't GET IT.
The only way to make him understand is to be a little harsh with him....and again, seeing the way he's acting, i don't know if I want to be his friend now.

I know this is mean, but I just want him to leave me alone about all of this... :/

CMS DIB!!!!!

I think being friends with him is only 1. enforcing this type of behavior and 2. Torturing this poor guy. I think what you need to do is CUT ALL CONTACT with him. This will not only be in your best interest but his as well.

Doing the entire 'friends' thing when he obviously has issues with moving on isn't going to work. He's always going to see it as 'there's a chance she'll take me back.'

So the only thing you can do at this point is moving on from him all together. Block his number, facebook profile and any other form of contact he could reach you by. You need to do this and as soon as possible.

You have control over him 'leaving you' alone. You're just leaving all the doors open for him to keep contacting you. Take control of the situation, if you truly want him to leave you alone you'll take the steps necessary to ensure he leaves you alone. But first thing is first you can't be friends. It's torturing him. YOu broke up with him and should have just went your way and not said "well we can be friends." it doesn't work that way especially not with someone who is falling faster then the other individual.

You're only the victim in this situation if you allow yourself to be. Personally speaking you've put yourself in this position from day one. Now it's time to correct that mistake.

He calls my house phone but when I don't answer it the first time he just calls again and again....and my cellphone is broken, he doesn't have a cell, and I don't have a facebook. I really don't have any contact with him whatsoever. I just see him at church or other public places. I try avoiding him, but he just keeps persisting.

And it was mostly his idea to be friends. He was the one saying "We'll still be friends" even though I really didn't want to. But I started to think, "Okay, maybe it wouldn't be a bad idea" but now I'm thinking otherwise because of the way he is acting, which is why i am trying to cut it off.

I am not leaving all doors open, because I am trying my best to avoid him. He just keeps working his way into my life.

He is torturing himself by not understanding we are through. Over with. No more.

And I have not put myself into this position, the fact he does not understand is what has put me in this position.

I think it's your job now to cut ties.

I live by the moto. If I'm going to complain about something then I have to do something about it. It's clear he's not going to stop until you eliminate the relationship period. YOu have put yourself in the position because you should have and still can say NO to him. It's wether you have the will power to do it and stick to your guns.

Have your parents pick up the phone and request that he stop talking to you. You first have to assert that you want NOTHING to do with him. YOu need to tell him no more talking to you, no more calling you. If he won't respect this wish you will go to the police and put a restraining order on him. You have control of this situation as much as you will play it differently you do. So what are you going to do.

1. Complain about how he's obsessing over you

or

2. Take matters into your hands and cut all communication and ensure that you assert to him and tell him you don't want him talking to you or calling you any longer.

You're making this into a far more complicated situation then it has to be. Tell him you don't want contact and if he doesn't respect it get the authorities involved. Have your parents get involved as well. I don't know what parent would be ok with their child being obsessed over like this and allow it to happen. I'd be picking up that phone and telling the boy to stop, then I'd call his parents and tell them about his behavior. I'd let them know how it's making my child feel and I'd keep a record of all the calls, all the times I told him to stop calling. Then I'd say to his parents how I will be putting a restraining order on him if the behavior doesn't stop all together.

So you have a choice in this matter as much as you think you don't. It doesn't matter if he doesn't understand. Telling him you'll put a restraining order will make him understand trust me... (ONLY AFTER you've asked him to stop and he continues to call you. Don't drop the restraining order on him first without actually telling him at least twice that you no longer wish to have contact with him. Then tell him the third time the authorities will get involved.)

I AM trying to cut ties, but he just won't leave me alone.

And I still don't this I am putting myself in this position, because I AM saying no.

I will have my parents pick up the phone now, thanks. But sometimes he calls when my parents aren't home...and he just keeps calling and calling and calling.

Telling the police won't help. My town, it is a VERY small town, and the police are...well, crappy. They don't help with big problems or little ones. I know for a fact they'll lie and just disregard this problem.
I know this because my grandfather was in a wreck and my family didn't know about it till hours later and the police told us they had tried calling when they HADN'T. We had family sit by the phone and nobody called.
So, if you see my point, the police won't help.

But thanks again. I will tell my parents to answer the phone.

In regards to the Police. You don't know unless you try. I have a hard time believing they wouldn't put a restraining order on him. I'd brush up on your local laws and how to get a hold of a restraining order first. It's foolish to rule out the authorities unless you've actually tried yourself to have the restraining order.

However, they will not put a restraining order on someone without just cause. You have to document everything. Tell them you've asked him to stop calling X times and you mentioned the restraining order on the __. He still didn't cease contact. Then they will have documented proof of the situations, that you've asked him to stop and that this is indeed harassment and stalking. The way you've worded your past posts. You mentioned that you were still 'friends'. That you were possibly interested in being friends. That tells me a part of you was leading him on in terms of being ok with being friends. You need to say no more calling me, we are no longer friends. I will not be picking up your calls. If he continues to call then you say "I will be contacting the police in regards to this matter." I refuse to believe authorities wouldn't do anything about someone stalking you. That's just a ridiculous thing to insinuate. Your grandfathers situation has nothing to do with enforcing the law. So no I don't see how the police won't be any help. YOu can't conclude they are useless because they couldn't get a hold of your family after the car accident. How does that have to do with how they enforce the law? It doesn't...

So if you want him to stop you need to assert that you are NOT friends. Again I will quote where you said you are friends with him. So that tells me you were ok with it for a bit.

I don't know what you were looking for Hannah. Really what kind of advice were you seeking? If you already know it all there's no point in asking for the advice. You make it seem like there's no way out of this situation when there is. You're just making up excuses for why this won't work or that won't work. Until you've tried it you can't say that with 100% certainty correct?

It's good you'll have your parents pick up the phone. And if he continues to call ask your parents to block his number. TELL your parents what is going on so they know and understand. Then they can decide what the next steps to do as adults. But for you right now don't pick up the phone. Disconnect it if you have to or deal with the ringing. No one says you have to pick up the phone. Goodluck.

I know you have a hard time believing it, but there have been other situations like this, and the police just don't do much...I know, you don't believe it.
I know, the other matter doesn't have anything to do with it. I'm trying to tell you how crappy the police are here.

Sorry if I'm sounding mean about this...I'm just so aggrivated at him. I have told him no.
Sorry I've been harsh. /:

I'd say ignore, act like he doesn't exist, make excuses when he wants to hang out or talk or stuff. When he approaches you, move the other way. Avoid him as much as you can... If this doesn't do anything, and the police won't help, ask a person of authority to help you, or ask his friends and/or family to talk to him... and NEVER be alone with him.

His feelings for you are likely enhanced because you are the forbidden fruit; unattainable... a treasure withheld from him that he has had a little taste of. Don't give him any mixed singles, not even flirtatious looks. It may boost your ego to have someone so hot on your heels and unwilling to let go, even if you won't admit it, but it is dragging out a bad thing that will only get worse. There's no such thing as a slow, gradual let down. Cut the cord hard and fast - be rudely blunt and allow him to be mad at you. Say "no" as many times as you need. No lengthy explanations and don't repeat, "I'm sorry." Harsh is good. If he gets mad at you, he can get over you more easily and quickly. Unfortunately that's the way of feelings. Anger heals.

If you like this other guy, go about it gently. He'll be around for a while, no need to rush into a relationship and be swamped with drama from all sides. Let guy you don't like have a little bit of time to get over you while you get to know guy you do like... better :)

There.

Oh, no, I am definately not giving him any flirtatious looks...I'm giving him mean looks so he'll piss off.
Yeah, that probably sounds immature, but it's true.

Thank you for the advice. (:

And I have no plans of rushing into a relationship right now. (:
I like being single :D