In love with my Bf but I'm bi and crave a girl...

Hi, me and my bf have known each other and have been best friends since 8th grade but we have only started dating 8 months ago and he's always known that I'm bi but it is only now becoming a problem. We have had conversations about it and one month he is ok with me talking to a girl and having some sort of relations with her but then he pictures it in his head and he doesnt feel ok with anymore which is completly understandable and i dont want to hurt him but at the same time I can't help these cravings that i have and i cant change the way i am. It really hard for me because he only wants me to be happy but i dont feel happy about doing anything if i know that he isnt going to be comfortable with it completely. I dont know what to do and i wish i could just change how i am but at the end of the day it isnt that easy. What should i do?

I guess I kind of see this as being the same whether you were bi or straight. When you enter a relationship with someone who expects monogamy, you accept that there might be people out there with traits that you find attractive. Nevertheless, you've chosen to be with this specific person, and with their traits, even if, say, they have light hair but you equally like dark hair (or they are a musician but you also like artists, etc). Basically, I'm saying that if you enter a relationship, you are accepting that you limit your access to other romantic possibilities.

It feels different to you, because you are attracted to both boys and girls... but I could say that I'm attracted both to my boyfriend, and to his buddy, who has a whole different set of characteristics and sexual appeal (I'm not, but for the sake of argument). In either case, you've chosen for the moment to be with your guy. Those other options ought to get laid to the side for now, unless you've both agreed to a sort of open relationship.

To me, it sounds like you're not quite ready to settle down into something serious. It sounds like you want the freedom to play around and experiment a little bit. I would consider whether being with your boyfriend is really the best thing for either of you right now. Maybe you want to just play the field and date, until you find the person for whom you would willingly put aside all others, male or female.

"find the person for whom you would willingly put aside all others, male or female." Hit the nail on the head!

I agree with Sibs. I am Bi but that doesn't mean I can use it as an excuse to be with someone else. It's become a problem because that's the excuse your using. Being Bi should NEVER cause problems. Not wanting to be in a relationship will. Straight, gay or bi you should be monogamous. Just because you 'crave' to be with another person doesn't mean that should over-ride your current care for your boyfriend.

What it is telling me is that you aren't ready for a serious relationship and the 'I crave a women' is an excuse. No matter what gender you're attracted to being Bi at least to me means you fall in love with the person not their gender. TO me it doesn't mean "have your cake and eat it too" By you specifying that you want a women just screams that you want to be single period.

I'd sit down and really contemplate things. Don't use the 'I crave a girl' as the excuse. Dig deep and really see why it is you'd even say that. Are you unhappy with your current relationship. Each person is different so even if you got your craving would it really sate your feelings? Would it really make everything better or just in the moment? I think what you crave is to be single or even the feeling of being in a new relationship. Just remember each relationship has it's honeymoon phase where both parties see the other as perfect. Once the honeymoon phase wares off that's where the 'getting to know' someone really starts to come into play. I think back to how my husband and I were in the beginning of our relationship 6 years ago and it's drastically different from now. In my mind it's a good 'different' I love him for the amazing man he is. He has his faults but I love him regardless just as I have my own faults and he loves me. Being in the honeymoon phase can be exhilerating but to me it's 'fake' and at times unfullfilling.

Perhaps your experiencing coming down from that phase in the relationship. That's not a bad thing. Intimacy may slow down but you'll find new things about your partner and how you are as a couple. If you feel that perhaps you guys just aren't meant to be ask yourself why. Ask yourself what you'd like for him to do more for you, to make you feel validated and loved in the relationship. What could a girl do more for you right now that he could do? Everything in life comes with a bit of communication. Communicate your wants and needs with eachother. Besides anatomy I don't know what being with a women right now would be better then being with your boyfriend. Being Bi doesn't mean we get to use it as an excuse with our men, by saying "Well you knew I was BI." It doesn't work. My retort if someone ever said that to me would be "Well you chose to be with me.". My husband gets a good laugh when I point out a hot girl. I can look like any normal human being I'm just more open with it, with my husband. Doesn't mean I get to pull the Bi card and say "I crave a women." Not that my husband would mind but we're in a monogamous relationship. He and I, I wouldn't change it for the world.

Agree with Liquid Grace

Thanks for the advice and I'm still willing to accept more.
As for the advice I've already received well there are things that I can see as being true and maybe the issue at hand, but the big thing I have to disagree with is the fact that I'm not ready for a relationship. Me and my bf have been best friends for 8 years and now I'm pregnant and we already have plans to get married. I love him more than anything and I wouldn't want to spend my life with anyone else.
I think Liquid Grace you may be right about the fact that maybe intimacy has maybe gone down and that can obviously be because of the pregnancy and I've had talks with him before. I can't help that I crave girls because we too are open about and can watch porn together, but it only makes me want a girl more sometimes. At times I do think about and feel as though I would only enjoy it for the first few minutes and then not enjoy myself anymore and the thought of a threesome has also come up and I just can't stand by and see him having sex with a girl although him being a man he would obviously be up for it, i just don't feel like I could. He and I have had numerous talks about me being with a girl and he has said that he is ok with it as long as he knows whats going on but sometimes I feel that he really isn't and he second guesses his decission. I don't know what to do about my cravings, but at the end of the day if I had to choose girls or him, I would choose him any day, everyday for the rest of my life.

"but at the end of the day if I had to choose girls or him, I would choose him any day, everyday for the rest of my life."

It sounds like you kind of know what you want to do, then. I think sometimes you just have to choose a path and stick to it... you can't always have everything. Some choices will blot out other options.

It sounds like you've chosen (or circumstances have put you with) your boyfriend for the long run. I'd say: If you are sure you want to be with him, don't do anything with a girl if there is a chance it will come between you. Right now, you've got bigger things to be concerned about. On the bright(?) side, you'll probably be too caught up in having/raising a baby to worry about your sexuality for a while.

I agree with sibs.

One thing I will touch on is being with another women part. As in you and your bf with another women. Understand that open relationships work but a LOT of rules and planning go into something like that. I know it sounds odd but if you have no rules or boundaries from the beginning things may and will get skewed.

Rules such as, partners you get with must be tested for any STD's. You both are only to be with the person no individual time. Then you have to define if it'll be a one time thing or if they'll be an addition to your relationship.

If you're pregnant now I have to ask you to think about this. You have a TON of hormones going through your body, do you think that, that could be playing a part as to why you want to be with someone else.

My biggest question to you is why do you want to be with a women? What will you get out of it over being with your bf? These are all questions you really have to ask yourself.

All in all whether you crave a man or a women you are in a committed relationship. Our wants and needs for other relationships shouldn't become a problem. Being with another person will complicate things and not with you but perhaps with your bf. What happens if he develops a relationship with this girl? Usually when you get ato a point of 'wanting' something new it's a red flag. It's saying that 1. something may be wrong in the relationship or 2. You're growing apart. I think that perhaps with a baby on the way it's caused a strain. YOu are both getting ready for the baby for some this time can cause problems because both of you may be stressed, while you're happy about the baby it's a huge change. With change comes some major life adjustments.

Also realize as Sibs pointed out as you get older/ have kids the sexual aspect of things fall by the wayside. You learn there are more important things then always being intimate in that way with your partner. They also say pregnant womens sex drives are amplified. (something to also remember).

I think this is something you'll have to wait out and reason with yourself on why it's not a good idea to entertain these thoughts. While we can never help how we 'feel' we can rationalize with our feelings and try to see 'why' we feel the way we do. Often once we find out 'why' were able to help ourselves grow from the situations.

Goodluck and a healthy delivery :D Congrats!

I hesitate to add anything because the advice you've been given is so wonderful, but I'll stumble forward anyway.

First, cravings and emotional attractions are natural and come from within, so they are not reason to feel shame or guilt. Choosing to focus on them, or choosing to act on them is willful. As a woman said to her husband in front of me, "What, did you trip and fall into her?" Actions are our own and we bear responsibility for the consequences.

Second, I get the feeling you are looking for someone to tell you it's OK, go ahead. You yourself have already said it's not OK. You can't bear the thought of him with another girl.

Good luck.