Boss

Lst wek my boss took me into her office to talk to me; she said "I know you want people to accept you fro how you are and I admire you for that, but I have to tell you that I know noone is going to accept you for how you are." I just said nothing and nodded my head, but I was pissed, I mean who wouldn't be right? What would you have done?

1. Where do you work?
2. Why would she say something like this? What about you is different?

I can see this as being a tough love comment or a malicious comment, depending on things.

It's ok to be who you are but in the end you have to understand that being different comes with the notion of possibly not connecting with other people. That DOES NOT mean that you are wrong but you have to know that this is how things are.

I'm finding it odd that your boss of all people would take you aside and tell you this. I don't see why she would say this unless something has happened where she's needed to address this. Do you often cause problems with other employees? Is it done infront of clients? Wanting people to accept you is great but in the same light you have to accept other people for who they are as well, right? The people who matter most will be by your side. When it comes to jobs you have to try however to be professional and act in a professional manner both with clients and co-workers. In a job setting is where you almost have to put being professional over being yourself.

So the only reason why I could ever see a boss doing something like this is because it has caused a huge problem. That you being yourself isn't being professional in the work place. I would take this as a gentle warning that if whatever you're doing doesn't get toned down you may find yourself jobless, especially if it's gotten to a point where your own boss has taken you aside.

Without knowing the exact situation as to why your boss has stepped in, in such a very vocal way it's hard to really say. I just don't know any boss who would do something like this or even close to it unless it's become a very big problem in the work place.

That's rude, but then again, we need to know details to judge. Just let it slide and don't let it get to you, you of all people should know yourself best. And don't try too hard to fit in, just be yourself.

Depending where you work, you can't be yourself. I'm loudly opinionated and probably wildly inappropriate to some standards, but I'm neat, organized, polite and efficient at work. There is a time and place for everything, and at work, where I make my living, I'm not myself. I am office appropriate. It sucks, but I love my job, and its the responsible thing to do.

I work in a daycare with very young children and she explained it as noone likes me for me, I mean I'm the most quiet person who works thre and I always try my best to act appropriate and look appropriate, but she's telling me I can't be myself because noone likes me if I act myself, but I am a generally quiet respectful appropriate person anyways so I am just acting myself and my boss is convinced noone will like me if I act that way.

Maybe there were complaints on something... I think you should ask her to be more specific. To tell you exactly what you do that makes her feel like you're not appropriate.

Well she isn't very professional and definitely didn't talk the right way about it. I would ask for specifics as well. With a day care I would assume you should be almost annoyingly cheerful to interact with the kidlets.

She did say "You look appropriate and you smell appropriate" when she was yelling at me. But that no one was going to like me if I was myself, although that was myself so what no one will like me if I'm approproate? I don't understand.

Loooool well at least you smell good :) I really think you should ask what she meant. Do you have any clue??

^^ lol, but really I have no clue...Next time she's there I'll talk to her.

Report the bitch. No boss should ever speak to any employee like that. There are laws about dignity and respect in the workplace, at least in Scotland.

How old is your boss? Yelling at you? Telling you 'you smell good." to me she's way overstepping her boundaries. Point being from what you've provided she's had no right to take you aside.

I could see a boss taking you aside to talk about how you interact with other employees pointing out SPECIFIC incidents. Talking to you about perhaps parental concerns with you around their children. None of that seems to even be a blimp on the radar.

I would go to her in a very professional manner and address why she came to you to say this. If it was out of the blue just to say "No one likes you." it's unprofessional and frankly to me that's bullying. I would approach her and seek why first. If the reason why was to just pick on you I would address that. How you feel slighted by what she did, how uncalled for the talk was and how you feel very disrespected.

Is this Daycare a cooperation? Meaning is it family owned or are the like the YMCA where there are higher ups you can go to? (such as a cooperate office you could call about her behavior.) If not I would seek out the Labor board in your area and report what happened after you have the exact details you need.

Overall this women sounds like a wench and a rude one at that.

While you still have recollection of the conversation I'd jot down when the incident happened. And after your conversation with her document 'why' she felt the need to say this.

I did talk to my boss (who btw owns and runs the daycare) she was like "Well sometimes I think you don't dress appropriate and I can tell by your smell that you don't always shower RIGHT before you comer to work (But when I work at 7:30 I just shower the night before) Also I never wear any clothing that shows too much skin or says anything innapropriate. Someone I work with even told me today that She thinks "I always smell fine" but she does think that sometimes I "Dress a bit to childish and maybe parents want me to dress more professionally" But I mean I'm not going to wear like a suit or even my best clothes as seeing how they will end up by the end of the day working with little children, but I never think I look like a total scrub.

Do you follow the dress code?

The 'smell' thing really has me going for a loop. Honestly no one would ever say 'you smell good' or 'fine' unless there's something wrong with the way you smell. To me it doesn't seem like something you bring up unless it's an issue. I will say this, my husband has to shower in the mornings instead of night. He is like his own incubator and gets soo hot during the night which = sweating some times. If he showered at night and went in, in the morning it isn't bad at all but who wants to go in after just basically sweating the entire night? There is a distinct smell of sweat if we don't shower after sweating.. (non of us are immune to that ) :) I really would talk to your parents and tell them that it seems like your boss has a problem with how you smell. Honestly she's trying to be gentle about the situation by saying what she did. But from an adults point of view I hear what she's saying (I don't agree with it). I would ask them to be honest with you and let you know if it really is an issue and if they can help get the appropriate products to ensure you are smelling great. Anything to do with not smelling great could really be a big trigger for being teased in school and in the work place. Now I don't know you so I can't be honest with you about how you 'smell' but I will say she wouldn't even mention 'smell' if it wasn't noticeable. However I really really don't think that is her place at all to say that. If you're younger then 18 she should have called your parents. Also yelling at you? What would compel her to think, that when speaking about such a delicate topic she should yell at you? What she did was highly inappropriate I hope you realize that.

Now in terms of how you dress as Britt asked is there a dress code/ do you follow it ? If there is and if you're not following it perhaps buy some Khaki pants and some plain high collar loosely fitted t-shirts. The work place isn't the place where we show off our personal tastes in what we wear. Well at least if it's not appropriate.

I still don't think you boss handled this situation right at all. How old are you? Is this something you could speak with your parents about if you're under 18? Otherwise I would go back to her and have another talk. I would ask her why she keeps bringing up how you smell. You'd prefer she be totally honest but respectful with her answer as a boss should be. I would then ask her what an appropriate dress code would be like.

Before asking her what an appropriate dress code is I'd be observant and see what other employees wear. While you shouldn't wear your 'best dress' you should probably wear a business casual. When it comes to clothing you have to put aside your personal tastes (in the work place) and try to dress a bit according to code. Sometimes this may mean being plain jane but that's ok.

Amanda I think she's in her 20s and out on her own now.

I personally wear what my bosses do. If they wear slacks, dresses etc, so do I. If they wear denim and a nice top, I will too.

I'm 22 and do live on my own. I asked my boss one day if what I was wearing was appropriate and she said it was. It was a pair of gray shorts and a gray t-shirt that had lolly pops on it. It is a similar style to what I usually wear as well; so I don't know

So then you need to get specifics. You need to ask what particular outfit she is speaking about when she says what you're wearing is inappropriate. Basically any time she says when something is wrong you need to find out specific examples so you both can be on the same page with all of this. If your 22 I think you can figure this out though with trying to figure out why this was even an issue.

I would just start looking at what others are wearing and go out and buy some similar clothing. In any case as I said you can't go wrong with khaki pants and a plain loosely fitted T (Key word is the loosely fitted). Personally speaking I wouldn't wear shorts to any job just because you want full coverage especially when working with kids. To me unless your working outside full time with children there's no need to wear shorts , be it cotton (gym type shorts) or jeans.

Do others wear shorts? I'm sure you work in an air conditioned facility so with that being said I'd stick to pants or Capri nothing shorter then that. I may be a stickler but I find anything shorter then that to be unprofessional and some girls feel their shorts are great when really they're too short or borderline short.

I meant that she said it was not inappropriate and yes others do wear shorts as well as my boss.

What do the other employees wear?

T-shirts, shorts, Jeans, things like that...We're just not alowed to wear pajama pants, or anything too reveling (obviously).

Your boss sounds like an a** id say you should try to find a better work environment

My opinion and advise may no longer be needed, but here it is nonetheless.

I agree with Amanda. These are a few of the things that are important to a workplace:

- Good personal hygiene is a must. This doesn't just include looking clean (your hair, your face, your clothes, etc.) but also smelling clean. It makes sense if you think about it, if you look clean shouldn't you also smell it?

- Appropriate work attire for your place of business. Most places have dress codes, so it's important to inquire what they are and to follow them. Even if they don't, it's best to ask anyways. You can also use your common sense and best judgement regarding what you know is appropriate as well as to survey your environment (observe what kind of workplace you are in, what kind of clientele is there and what other co-workers are wearing).

- Qualities such as being able to work both independently and with other co-workers; as well as, to conduct yourself professionally in the presence of or with other co-workers is just as important as being professional in the presence of and with clients.

It sounds to me like your boss is putting you through the ringer. First she tells you that you "look appropriate", yet later recants and says "well, sometimes I think you don't dress appropriately". She says you "smell appropriate", but later says she doesn't think you always "shower right before you come to work" indicating there is a hygiene problem. She's contradicting herself and not being honest or forthcoming with you. She also seems very vague in her explanations as well. As a result it is confusing the heck out of you. That doesn't sound professional, imo.

She needs to be more specific than "no one will like you how you are" or if you are yourself. This is too much of a vague generalization, and rather insulting at that, and frankly doesn't tell you how you can or help you to improve. She should be specific and provide you with advise or otherwise constructive criticism to help you to improve and to excel in the workplace. I am also curious who it is she refers to who won't like you. Does she mean the children? Other co-workers? Parents? And in what way won't they like you. Is it your appearance, attitude or other? Frankly, to say that no one will like you is grossly inappropriate, unnecessary and rather insulting. There were other alternative approaches she could have taken with you.

But, she's not completely to blame, it takes two to tango. You settle for vague, general explanations and don't assert yourself. You need to ask her for specifics. Ask her what she means when she says that no one likes you for "how you are" or you are yourself: if it's your appearance, your attitude or other. Ask her to outline for you or give examples of what appropriate work attire would be and what would be inappropriate; or more specifically, what clothes specifically you've worn to work was inappropriate and what was appropriate. Ask her what the standards on personal hygiene are and if you've been meeting those standards. Ask her what qualities someone working there should have and if you've been demonstrating these qualities or if you need to improve. Ask her for any other constructive criticism she can give you and if there is anything else you need to improve on or what you can do to improve.

You should also make it known to her that she has not been clear with you in the past and that you would appreciate it if she took the time to answer all your questions in detail. And do not settle for vague, general explanations or responses. If something doesn't make sense or she's not specific, ask her to explain it further. It is important for you two to be on the same page.