Need some feedback on poem...

  • BrokenToy
    20 years ago

    An Unpleasent Life

    http://www.poems-and-quotes.com/life/poems.php?id=284663

    So could you tell me what you think? It would really help.. I need to improve it and I really need some help to do that. So please throw ideas, critic and anything else in your mind at me!

    Thanks! ^_^

  • katie!
    20 years ago

    Its good but I personally would prefer it if it had a more regular rhythm also it doesn't always rhyme which isn't a big issue depending on how you want it to sound if I was writin it I would do this

    I'm sick of living and unpleasant life
    I don't want to be stuck with my/your wife
    This life goes on without any care
    I'm only ever shedding tears

    However that is not great unless you want it to be that sort of poem......I dont think you should change it unless you want to, try and give it a more regular rhyme.

    You dont have to take my advice as this is just my opinion,

    Take care