Share a smile

Post a joke here....make our members smile...

Here's mine...

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patricia Whack.
"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.
Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.
The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral."
She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"

The bank manager looks back at her and says...
"It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

(You're singing it, aren't you? Yeah, I know you are........)

Heh heh

Here's another oldiegoodie:

What time did Sean Connery go to Wimbledon?

Tennish.

Bahahhahhaa soooo posting that to Facebook hellon

Those are very very funny lol. Both made me smile

Omg. I am laughing waaaay too hard at these lol. I have a senior who comes in to tell me bad jokes every day. Today was

What do you call a cow with two legs shorter than the other?

Lean beef. Lmao, soooo stupid but he thinks he's the funniest.

Lmaoo. Britt :p. As long as he thinks he's funny I guess :p

Haha, love Abby's. Still chuckling.

Some really corny Halloween jokes lol!!!

Why can't the man ghost have babies?
Because he has a Hallo-weenie

What did the skeleton say to the vampire?
You suck

Why didn't the skeleton dance at the party?
You had no body to dance with

What is a vampires favourite holiday? Fangsgiving

What do you get when you cross a black cat with a lemon.

A sour puss

Someone sent be this and I thought it may also make you smile. I will warn you there is a fair bit of swearing goes on in the clip but...no one can get away with it better than a Glaswegian ...it like part of our language...

http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/news/weird-news/watch-hilarious-video-bunny-refuses-2357429

O God
please save me from your believers.

^^^^^

Is that a joke? Don't get it?

This is my version of joking

lets play some tennish now

Ok...then you'll probably appreciate this one...

I just walked into my Sarcastics Anonymous club, five minutes late.
They said, "Oh, nice of you to join us."

* Edit...you added the Tenish part later.

They told to a "goofy?? " we saw your wife with several man driving away in a beetle.
he goes: o gosh with several man in a beetle ? what a horsepower!!

I had a beetle many years ago...brilliant little car! Didn't come with any men though...was I short changed?

Due to inflation, a picture is now only worth 216 words.

Due to recent cutbacks, the light at the end of the tunnel has been switched off.

LMAO...Colm....Loved it!!!

This is what I was doing all along: sharing smile with all my posts. :) :)

What was the name of the hair salon next to the graveyard?

"Curl Up and Dye."

Ive seen a hairdressers called that here Hellon :)

I really like anti-jokes. Here are a few samples:

'I got in one little fight and my mom got scared, but any issues were swiftly resolved and I continued to live happily in West Philadelphia.'

'Don't you hate it when you're reading a sentence and it doesn't end how you testicles.'

'How do you get two whales in a car? You can't. Whales are enormous creatures and will not fit in something as relatively small as a car.'

'Why did the clown fall off the swing? Because he got shot in the face.'

'Knock knock... Its the landlord. Rent is due.'

'A man boards a train with only a suitcase and an orange. He arrives safely at his destination.'

'A priest and a rabbi walk into a bar. They order some wine and have an enjoyable evening.'

'What does a duck and a tablespoon have in common? Both are not a lamp.'

"Knock knock." "Who's there?" "Lettuce." "That's impossible."

'Why did the tortoise cross the road? It doesn't matter, it got hit by a car and died on impact.'

'What do you call a black man on the moon? An astronaut'

'What did Goldilocks say to the three bears? She asked them how bears make porridge without opposable thumbs.'

'A woman walks into the kitchen to make a sandwich because she is hungry and she likes sandwiches.'

'What do you call a deer with no eyes? Still a deer. The absence of eyes doesn't change the animal's species.'

'Yo momma's so fat, that she should consider changing her diet and exercising more often.'

'How do you make a plumber cry? You kill his family.'

I'm off to the dentist at Tooth hurty

After Bill Gates wedding night, his wife finally knew why he called his company Microsoft.

This prank makes you smile good for Halloween also:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VlOxlSOr3_M&list=HL1383271446

Wow!!!! That was wicked...the guy in the orange vest holding that pole thingy cracked me up haha!!