Correctness of some phrases in my lyrics for a song

  • Inner Phiz
    2 years ago

    Hello all.

    Not being a native English speaker, I often have doubts when writing lyrics. So, here are the lyrics I wrote for a song and with doubts about some phrases. But first, one reminder. In song writing, more than the usual issues exist, as care must be taken of the number of syllables AND also, matching the music rhythm accents and the language phonetic stress on the words!

    Here the text, with the lines in doubt as [... ...]? :

    MY NYMPH

    (Verse 1)
    Dear lady,
    after searching for so long, a long run,
    [I see you now having crossed my way/my path. I'm stunned!] ?
    Charm and grace,
    you turn to me your sparkling eyes, so fine,
    and your smiling lips, and dancing steps, my kind!

    (Chorus 1)
    You nice lady, you true nymph,
    let me ask you be my chosen one.
    You dear lady, you true nymph,
    be my lady, have my soul and song.

    (Verse 2)
    My lady,
    [you who came like a living myth, a light beam,] ?
    or [shine beam / bright beam / glow beam /sun beam] ? ("beam of light" doesn't "match" with the music!)
    will we join and share our joys and pains, my dream?
    Charming you,
    I will play for you my songs and rhymes,
    [I will give you all my passion flames, all times.] ?
    or:
    [A. "And my flames of passion are for you, all times"] ?
    [B. "And my flames of passion will touch you, all times"] ?
    [C. "And my flames of passion will hug you, all times"] ?

    (Chorus 2)
    Precious lady, my true nymph,
    dance your graceful steps around the trees.
    My dear lady, my true myth,
    it's our day One, a dream came true like breeze,
    my nymph!

    (A cappella)
    It's our day One, a dream come true, my nymph!