advice on construction of poem

the original stanza i had was

Or are you just thinking
With everything around you gone wrong
That the problem is not you
But what you have against the world

but know i'm thinking that i should put it as

Or are you just thinking
With everything around you gone wrong
That the problem is not you
But the feeling that you dont belong

which sounds better or makes more sense?
-A

hmm... ok then...
-A

The first one is bad, and the second one is worse than the first.

What are you talking about anyway?

"That the problem is not the you"

The you?!?! What does that mean? It's so stupid! Learn english you moron!

Can people offer something constructive, please? They want help. They never said it was Shakespear or anything.

Jeez.

I'm going to bed now or else I would help you.

That stanza makes much more sense when read with the rest of the poem:

http://www.poems-and-quotes.com/sad/poems.php?id=316148

I think "not the you" is supposed to be "not with you" (It should be anyway)

I like the second ending better, "But the feeling that you dont belong"

I should know better than to curse in the Writting Poetry category.

The "profanity terminator" marches the posts!

I would say the scariest of all the elves is the "PT"

LMAO Ann! I did feel quite bad about my post. I think I may have taken out some anger on the poor fellow. But then again, what are morons (who post in the wrong category) for?

Well excuse me but i just was asking for help you know. You are welcome to say that my poem sucks but could you at least tell me why instead of venting out on me? Thank you. I have the whole poem written out on my poem list, so for more clarification on what i was talking about. Look it up.
-A

"Ways to improve your poetry"
How is that posting in the wrong category pray tell?
-A

Dumb Ass: Can you read this?

Requests to read/comment poems

This is the ONLY place in forum where you should post your requests to read, rate, comment and critique your poems.

You do know what the word ONLY means don't you? Obviously not

born2die4pride: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

"serious poets"

that's a good one...