I had to write this for school-any comments?

“My Darling soldier’s away at war,
We’ve been waiting ever so long for thy,
Darling, I can’t wait any longer.”
She let out with a horrendous cry.

The motionless children stared into the night,
Waiting for their dad to arrive,
The cold descended as time ticked on,
The children hardly seemed alive.

He thought of his family, broken and lost,
They drifted in and out his mind,
He'd gone to war with only their love,
His family left behind.

Her children wondered, "Where is dad?"
He'd left them so long ago,
When he’d left for their brave army,
Letters came but mail was slow.

As the children drew to conclusions,
To where their long lost heroic dad went,
Their eyes fixed on the blue men,
Who marched through their town, not giving a cent.

The water trickled off the red tent,
Commands around him were barked,
To destroy the Union, and all their men!
Their bagged eyes were alive and sparked.

Her face turned to stone,
As union invaders took all her fine jewels,
Tears left her face damp,
She wished to damn those unforgiving Union fools.

A shiny blue bullet sheered through his soft white flesh,
Above the heart, missing it by a hair,
His life to soon be over, he made on last request,
Send love to his wife, for he will always care.

- THIS WASNT WRITTEN FOR FUN, BUT FOR SCHOOL, PLEASE HELP!

I posted it a few weeks ago, as a rough draft. Its different now though. I didnt plagerize if thats what you suggesting.

PLEASE HELP!

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2. Do not post your poems in this forum.

That's what the whole of PAQ is for. Posting your poems on the site to recieve feedback... not the forums.

~Ciao Lipton