TO The Guyz: Why do you do it?

Well, it is a known fact that the majority of guys on the planet are looking for a piece of ass. I'm not saying that to be all feminist, but really, come on. It isn't fair at all to generalize it, there are a lot of really great guys out there who know to respect their partner enough not to cheat, but the reason why most of them are looking for a one night stand is because of physical differences as far as the evolution of man and woman has gone.
Men have a far, far greater sex drive than women. There could be exceptions, but scientifically it's just a fact.
but of course there could be other reasons...
-the guy gets turned on by the fact that he's playing a woman
-the dominance factor, to disrespect is to have it
-the guy's girl is a complete bitch and treats him like dirt.

And those are just a few. But, for the majority it's the sex drive and the guys' incapability to control his penis

Sami, you appear to be more shallow than almost every single guy I know...

What kind of guys do you hang with Pinkalias...

It is true that we have a greater need for sex...that's perfectly understandable...

And yes, women cheat too...

haha o come one you guys. I can't say one true word without offending someone.

Actually Enslave, most of my guy friends are very respectable, dependable, and all around great guys. My boyfriend is also one of those guys and I know he would never cheat on me. However, if he happened to, or any of my other friends, it would be most likely for the reasons i listed earlier. Some of those reasons can be used when a woman cheats on a man, I'm not saying all guys are jackasses, these are just factors.

I know you aren't...

But I don't believe that the vast majority of guys are assholes...

We are dicks...

and you are pussies...

But then you've got the assholes, and all they want to do is to shit all over the place..

Yes, I have seen Team America one or two times too many...

I don't mean the majority are assholes, what I meant was the majority are looking to get laid, and are willing to say/do anything to get it.
That most likely pertains to the younger guys, but you know what I mean. And it doesn't necessarily make them assholes, unless they really break the girl's heart just to get her in bed.

okay, okay, you're right:P

*sigh*

:)

Here's an exerpt from: http://askmen.com/dating/doclove_250/252_relationship_expert.html

It raises some interesting points from a man's PoV. Kaitlin (*gasps* That's right, she's a girl!) will be able to back me up on 'the system' because it's so very similar to something we talk about often.

1- Men are expected to cheat and it's their fault. This is part of the brainwashing our society -- especially the men -- is subjected to. Turn on Oprah if you don't believe me. She's the queen of the victims and she perpetuates this myth. Look at what she peddles. Check out the newspapers and magazines. All you see are stories about husbands murdering wives. They forget to tell you that one-third of the women who off their husbands don't go to jail! What about that side of the story? What about the men who are being raped in prison? Nothing, not a word do you hear! Why? Because the woman is the victim in America, and all men are bad by nature. The Feministas run things! Don't you guys get it?

2- If the woman cheats, it's because the man isn't meeting her needs. In America, only men have to take responsibility for their actions. Feministas believe in rights, but no responsibility.

3- Women are proud of their cheating. They're proud because they're wallowing in their resentment toward the poor slobs they're betraying.

-------------------------------------------------------

But I'm not one sided, I'll happily look at both sides of the coin. 22% of women cheat. 37% of men cheat. That's just under 1 in 4 women, and just under 2 in 5 men. Not a massive difference.

If you really want to look at things from the women's side then go direct (do not pass go, do not collect £200) to www.manhaters.com it's totally unbiased *coughs* not *coughs* and will give you all the fuel you ladies will ever need to shift the blame where you want it.

(I know that's sarcastic, but by know you should all know my views on feminists.)

Another thing to remember is that whenever a man cheats on a woman it's most likely to be with... you guessed it, another woman.

Good points, Bret.

I find this question VERY generalizing, and offensive. I do not look at girls for sex. In fact, I rarely EVER think about having sex with girls.

Of course, key word is "rarely." I do slip up, sometimes, but women are just as bad at looking at guys for sex. In fact, I can safely say that when most of the girls I know (taking out family members) see a guy, they say, "OMG! I want some of that! I wouldn't mind sleeping with HIM tonight!"

For eons it's been like this: It's always the guy's fault. Do you not think the girl plays some part in it? As Bret said, when a man cheats on his wife, (if he's not bi) it's with another woman. Not to mention most of the clothes women wear around. Some of them might as well not even bother putting clothes on. It's known that most men are easily seduced, and wearing these skimpy outfits isn't doing anything, but making the girl more vulnerable.

It works both ways, but to say it's entirely the guy's fault is a blind accusation.

~Ciao Lipton

There are plenty of things wrong with both of your arguments, but I'm only going to point out a few and get back into it tomorrow.

1. bret...I don't get where "people don't talk about men raped in jail", We are very well aware of that and the stories are very much exploited. Not to mention, who is it that are raping those men in the first place?
2. Lipton- women are not trying to seduce men by the clothes they wear, though I’m not going to attack you on that because hey, when a girl wears a mini skirt that's what you're going to think. But they're not necessarily seducing; they're usually looking for attention and confidence. not to mention, it's hard not to find a revealing outfit with today’s fashions
3. you guys keep saying, "the guy cheats with another woman", this doesn't mean the other woman is single.
4. "but women are just as bad at looking at guys for sex." mmmm, no. I'm really, honestly not saying that to be all feminist, but it's a fact. The women are no doubt checking out the guys, but they're not necessarily looking for a one night stand. Which I’m aware plenty of women are, but not at the rate of guys, which is where the difference in sex drive comes in.

The jail rape I didn't want to add because it has no place in this discussion, but it was part of that segment and I didn't want to edit it for want of bias.

The difference between cheating men and women is only by approximately 15 in 100 which isn't really that great a difference... is it?

And I think women are just bad as men when it comes to looking at others and appraising for sexual compatibility. It is in our most primitive natures to do just that. Men look for the best women they can to continue their line, women look for best they can too.

The only difference is there will be 15 more involved (be that married or in a commited relationship) men doing it than involved women per 100.

I do wonder how many women know they are getting sexually involved with a man who is commited and whether that should be taken into consideration.

As they say, it takes two to tango.. or in this case, matress mambo.

OK... I can't believe you are getting down on men so badly. I never was really a drinker, but a few years back I went to the bars for a while and was shocked at the way the women acted. I don't know if I was living a sheltered life or what...but I think a LOT of women bring a lot of these things on by the way they act. Do these women really expect a man to have respect for them when they are hanging on every guy that will allow them to and talking the way they do? Come on... get off the men...the women are just as bad if not worse. And a lot of women treat men REALLY bad. It really bothers me to say these things, being a woman myself...but it is the truth. I am not saying ALL women are this way, just as ALL men are not bad either. There are some wonderful women and just as many wonderful men out there.

"The difference between cheating men and women is only by approximately 15 in 100 which isn't really that great a difference... is it?"

And where did this info come from? Another statistic? I'm not saying it's necessarily wrong, but we can hardly rely on these for evidence.

"And I think women are just bad as men when it comes to looking at others and appraising for sexual compatibility."
Looking, I have no doubt. Actually going home with the guy, I do.
Then you have to think about, who is it who's usually tempting the other sex? No doubt women do hit on men, but I hardly think at the amount that men do. Walk into a club, observe, prove me wrong.

"I do wonder how many women know they are getting sexually involved with a man who is commited and whether that should be taken into consideration."
That is a factor, but that doesn't change that even if they do know they're not always, actually in most cases aren't, involved in a relationship.

"As they say, it takes two to tango.. or in this case, matress mambo."
ugh, I hate that saying. One of the dancing partners most likely doesn't know it's a trio.

I have to disagree Pink. From what I saw, the women weren't too picky about who they went home with. I talked to several of them about doing this and a lot of them said they go out to find a guy to go home with. I think the women are just as bad. That's my opinion anyway. And as far as who's hitting on who... Look at the way women dress now days ...why would a woman wear a blouse that shows everything she has? To get men to notice her...They may notice her, sleep with her, but respect her?... probably not. Don't you think when a woman leans over knowing a guy can see down her blouse that she is hitting on the guy? I do.
The guys are getting a bad rap here.

Tammy: no shit she's wearing it to get attention. but does every girl go out dressed like this? not to mention we discussed women's clothing earlier, that's done with. just because a woman is looking for attention, and yes even THAT sort of attention, doesn't mean she's looking for sex.
and...how many times does a woman get hit on before she says yes? (the majority of them anyway, not counting the "looser" ones)

Stats: I'll dig up the site again, I thought I posted it before, my bad.

Concerning Men pulling women I'll just say this:

Who has to do all the work to make the other accept the offer? Men strut around like roosters in a hen house in the pubs and clubs, not because they want to but because they have to prove themselves worthy of the woman's attention and time.

It's same all over the animal kingdom it's the male's job to convince the female that he's good enough, strong enough and healthy enough to be the father of her children.

That's why men hit on women a lot more than the other way round. It's also why a lot of women hate men (eg: the first poster), because they're just not good enough.

The woman still has to accept his advances and they're just as equal in the blame stakes regardless of the spin you weave so well.

I'll be the first one to stand up and say that about 40% men are bastards, but it's stall a two way street and you can blame women just as much for putting their display on too.

We're all human and we're all in the same boat.

Another point (still looking for that site) to consider is that all the percentages and what not are only admissions, not the cold hard truth.

And more of the stats I see follow a trend. Women will admit less and men will find out about infidelity less also.

This may not sound important to you Pink (or any other women for that matter), but it says to me that women are just as bad if not worse, because they're more likely to do it and get away with it then do it again and and get away with it again.

some of the sites used (all stats usually come from an independant research organisation, but I'll freely admit not all sources of stats are revealed).

http://www.divorcepeers.com/stats31.htm#fn%202
http://aolsvc.health.webmd.aol.com/content/article/90/100725.htm?z=1687_86000_0000_f1_02
http://www.norc.uchicago.edu/clients/index.asp (to back up the aol site which I hate using)
http://www.acespy.com/spouse.html (link at bottom of page entitled 'cheating wives now on the rise in the USA' again, not a great but not exactly deniable or worthy of ignorance)
http://www.manhaters.com/infidelity-statistics.asp (interesting array of stuff)

Bottom line is that you cheat, we cheat, humans cheat.

ok Pink...when you are old enough to go to the bars and drink, we'll have this discussion again. You really aren't seeing the real world. Heck, I had no idea until I was in my late 20's. I kinda thought like you until my eyes were opened to reality. You would be surprised how many women ARE looking for sex. I don't want to argue about this. I think Bret hit the nail on the head... both men & women cheat and one is probably NOT worse than the other.

Sorry Pink, I cannot find the source for those percentages for the life of me... (I ran CCleaner earlier today)

Well bret, my point was that it probably wouldn't matter either way (in the woman's or man's favor) because stats are hardly ever accurate. I'm not doubting your resources, I'm just saying, who's really going to be honest/ numbers/ opinions/ bla bla bla

Tammy- ok, obviously I cannot argue with you considering my age and lack of experience but I do have different views.

"Who has to do all the work to make the other accept the offer? Men strut around like roosters in a hen house in the pubs and clubs, not because they want to but because they have to prove themselves worthy of the woman's attention and time."

My point was that men are looking for sex more. the girl usually goes through 3 or 4 pick up lines before accepting an offer, doesn't that say something?

And what about reputations of both sexes? When a man has sex multiple times, he's considered a stud/ player/ "the man"/ sex muffin.
When a woman has sex numerous times, she's considered a slut.
If men and women were after sex at the same rate, then why would the considerations of their actions differ?

Pink
Believe me when I say I respect your freedom to have a different opinion... I used to have pretty much the same opinion, until I saw it for myself.

"Who has to do all the work to make the other accept the offer? Men strut around like roosters in a hen house in the pubs and clubs, not because they want to but because they have to prove themselves worthy of the woman's attention and time."

Believe me, women do the same thing.

The thing about the reputations of both... well I think that it's crazy the way that works, but that's the way it is.

I am not down on women or men, I just know what I have seen in my lifetime.

Take care!!

I know Pink, I was doubting my own sources because the ones I wanted I had to pay for... and for a chat like this; it just ain't going to happen.

"My point was that men are looking for sex more. the girl usually goes through 3 or 4 pick up lines before accepting an offer, doesn't that say something?"

Not really because women are picky. 3 or 4 chat up lines can be the same 3 or 4 guys in the same bar for 3 or 4 women who all hook up at the end of the night anyway. Like Tammy says, you'll just have to wait to know what we're on about. I'm not blowing your point off, just explaining our pov.

Reputations... that's something entirely different in my book. That's a purity versus experience deal. It's man's verification of continuing his line. A woman can always verify her part in child birth as she carries the child. A man puts higher standards on women because a woman's virtuousity is what proves his lineage (so they say, but with the stats in hand...). That's the only reason that this line of thinking exists.

i am too lazy to read the other posts, but i want to say, as a male, I am 20, have been with the same girl for 2 and a half years, and have never once cheated. And guess what, she cheated twice.

"Not really because women are picky."

Yes, if they're picky they're obviously not wanting it so much are they? I am aware a woman probably goes to a club knowing the possibility of a one night stand, but not with the goal or need for the night to absolutely end in one.

You know what, I'm just going to go ahead and say you guys are right on this one because I obviously haven't been there.

BUT I still don't know about the rate of guys vs. girls on cheating, just because the need for sex in both genders are at entirely different heights. Not to mention just the way our world works, (perhaps I am speaking in terms of people in their twenties and under) guys are considered stronger in the eyes of other males when they cheat. They brag about "playing" several girls at a time, how discrete and "satisfying" they were in their acts, and it's usually all a pleasure thing. When women cheat, they tend not to boast about it considering if they do they're indeed considered sluts and whores (have you ever heard a girl bragging, "I've had a different man every night this week"), and it's usually more of an emotional attachment, revenge tactic, or strive for attention from the boyfriend. I know that these are reasons that guys cheat too, but for the most part it's considered a game since they claim to have this need for sex.

"My point was that men are looking for sex more. the girl usually goes through 3 or 4 pick up lines before accepting an offer, doesn't that say something?"

Yes, it says she is waiting to make her decision just in case someone more appealing comes along. Which could explain WHY the men HAVE to strut around like roosters. I have seen it time & time again. If no one better comes along, they usually end up going home with the first guy that hit on them. I used to be at the bars & watch this happen all the time... it amazed me..I couldn't believe women were like this.
Also, you'd be surprised at the knowledge you can gain just by listening to conversations in the women's restroom. Women talk about men the same way men talk about women. A LOT of women use men for sex as well.

After seeing & hearing all that I did at the bars, I kinda feel sorry for the guys. It has to be hard now days to find a woman you would be proud to take home to your parents.

My mother always told me I was too old fashioned. (Funny, because you'd think a mother would like that in a daughter) She raised me to be the way I am and I think seriously, these women need to straighten up & have some self respect...what ever happened to that??

"She raised me to be the way I am and I think seriously, these women need to straighten up & have some self respect...what ever happened to that??"

But then why is it that if men have the same amount, if not more, that they do not have to "straighten up"?If men are parading around and "strutting their stuff" while the women wait to choose someone worth while, isn't it the man that needs the straightening?

(Not that I think what the women are doing is ok either. I think one night stands every once in a while are just fine, but if it becomes a repeating part of your lifestyle it could be harmful.)

Again Pink, not really no. Men strut because that's the biological system. The woman will just as likely walk away with the only guy in the bar if that's all on offer. The club scene is the club scene.

Strutting and hooking up is the way we all find our partners. Doesn't matter where you are, be it school, the supermarket, the mall or in the street. That's the system.

How do you select your boyfriends/one night stands?

(Ismail... as with all interesting discussions, the topic will veer and evolve. If it didn't this (now very) interesting dialogue would have been over by the third post)

"How do you select your boyfriends/one night stands?"

but I don't think the "walking out with a guy either way" applys in that case. unless you're desperate, you're going to choose a guy who suits you best (to be your boyfriend) or just go without one at all if theres nothing good to offer.

but if it's always the guys who are "strutting" why are today's women's fashions so suggestive?

Pink
No one said it was always the guys who were strutting.
Women are just as bad. Women will strut their stuff, like suck it in & stick out their chest & try to draw attention to their behind. Ever seen a drunk woman try to wiggle?? It's quite amusing to watch... If they only knew LOL Also they walk past the same guy like 20 times in a night, or move closer and stand by him trying to get him to notice. Heck, some women may even take off their clothes in the bar... not many, Thank God.

I think it's a moral issue. It seems to me a lot of people don't have very strict morals anymore.

And I thought you said we were DONE with the clothing issue LOL

I don't get it, I had to ask a girl in my sunday school class to pull her skirt up, because she had like half of her thong showing...WHY??? And I teach 9-12 year olds. Why are women/ girls dressing like this?? You tell me pink. Can't blame that one on the men...they DON'T dress us.

No, but they do ask for it in order to get attention.
i'm definitely not saying men choose our clothing, merely that they are an influence among other things. I don't really care how dressing goes. I brought up the clothing topic because Bret was saying that men are the ones who have to show off what they've got in order to get attention, I was proving a point.

As far as how little girls are dressing...
Well, my theory is they just don't know any better. When I was 12 my little group of friends thought that we were o-so-cool, we watched and followed everything on MTV, dressed like Britney Spears (or at least as far as our mother would let us go), shoved tongues down boys' throats (yes....at 12.) streaked our hair in highlights, wore mini skirts, and walked down the street shaking it until we got whistles because we thought it was how we were supposed to behave.
Perhaps it had something to do with the environment (I lived in California at the time, near several beaches. I know that doesn't sound like a factor but if you study it kids act/dress a lot more scandalous there and tend to follow the 'party hardy' image) anyway, kids act on what they see and what they have to do in order to get attention/feel older than they are. Fortunately i grew out of that and realized the type of person I wanted to be, and what image i wanted to set for myself. UNfortunetly a lot of girls don't grow out of that stage and end up dressing like that through most of their years because it's all they know.

Just thought I'd add my two cents on that...back to topic

I'm quite happy to blame the media and pop culture. Though morally it's a very easy path to take.

Women dressing up:

All men will strut, but we're still not going to settle for mutton when lamb is on the menu. Would talk to the lady who made an effort and fell from heaven, or one who didn't make an effort and looks like she fell from heaven only to land flat on her face?

Bret
I agree with what you said about women dressing up.
I love seeing my husband dressed up... almost like seeing a different person. (he's a mechanic, so he usually isn't dressed up)
But a woman can dress up and not show everything she has and still be sexy. I think sexy is an attitude.

Take care

This was just on my home page and I thought I'd add it

It's titled "why men and women cheat"

"So why do people do it? Experts say that the reasons fall into two main categories. The first has to do with the relationship -- there's either an emotional disconnect or the couple's sex life isn't satisfying to one partner. The second reason has nothing to do with the couple. Rather, one partner simply wants the excitement of an affair, needs an ego boost, or just feels entitled to have more than one sexual partner. "Sometimes, you find someone who has a good sexual relationship with his or her partner and yet has an affair because sex is so important to them that they look for it wherever they can," says Mira Kirshenbaum, PhD, author of Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay (Plume, 1997) and The Emotional Energy Factor (Delacorte, 2003)."
(http://women.msn.com/514710.armx?GT1=6657)

I don't think that's any new information, just meant for those who didn't have a clue in the first place.

Yurp.

(Damn, I thought I had something more constructive to add... um sp, Bob, promiscuous. Better than nothing I guess *grins*)

Oh...

Tammy, I wholeheartedly agree. I look at dress sense (I think they call it fashion) today and openly sigh with the open tacky cheapness of it all. I go nuts for elegance and the demure. Nothing beats that Audrey Hepburn look... well, that and a bit of red hair!

...ok, you guys can say that it's an equal thing

And Bob, it's an actual fact both the number of women and how much they do it doesn't even compare to those of men masturbating. That's just how we've been brought about, no harm in it, my point is that the majority of women don't do it because of how their bodies have grown.

I am thinking age is an issue here. In highschool, (and guys, there's no way you can argue with this) males are looking for sex a hell of a lot more. And no I'm not speaking of any sexual act (1st base second base...whatever you want to call it)I'm talking about the full out thing--intercourse. This could be because females mature faster than males, the highschool rep, the males' "need" for sex, among other things. So...with that in mind which gender is more likely to cheat? (sexually)

Now after a few years when all of our bodies have matured and guys have gone past the stage where you have to screw a girl to "be a man", those rates probably change. I wouldn't know about that considering I'm still in highschool and haven't reached that point

"And Bob, it's an actual fact both the number of women and how much they do it doesn't even compare to those of men masturbating. That's just how we've been brought about, no harm in it, my point is that the majority of women don't do it because of how their bodies have grown."

Sorry Pink... I gotta disagree again.

The actual fact is most women won't admit to doing it. But they do do it, I'd say just as much as men. How our bodies have grown has nothing to do with it either. I don't understand that one...can you please explain?

agh, sorry Tammy I had these fantastic reply but my computer shut down before I could finish it, and now I have to go out for a few hours.

(I promise I'm not stalling)
I'll send it later tonight

not ALL guys do that shit. that's just stereotypical of people....mainly girls who think that. but actually they say that guys do that kind of shit 'cuz of their hormones so when they don't get down a girls pants....they look for attention in other places, which leads to the cheating.

Still waiting Pink.... LOL