Intelligent Chat: Raising Children

Ok I know I'm only 16 and I've had very little experience with looking after children (no younger siblings) but I did my work experience in a nursery and reception class a few months ago. I went in with that approach at first, and couldn't have possibly failed more. They then saw me as a push over (I was working with very manipulative children) and soon I had to change to be more forceful, and I found that hard. I don't want to be like that with children when I have them later, how do you do it and manage to gain their respect?
Sarah x

(Are teens included in this?)
My dad was one out of twelve, (grew up on a farm in Kansas) so naturally, i have an incredible amount of cousins, many of them under 10 years old. So when we go visit me and a few other older grandkids end up babysitting...blablabla

SO how i handle kids....obviously I'm not raising them but when I'm entertaining them I find they absolutely love to be tossed around, flipped over, thrown in the air...or they love to use you as a target for numerous things.

--I just realized that had nothing to do with actually raising children...but now you all know what I do when I babysit.

We have numerous activities we do with our children.
We all have 4-wheelers or dirt bikes so we ride together & camp for the weekend twice a year. Of course there are riding only trips as well in between.
Also about once a month or so our daughter & myself have a girls day out... we sometimes get our nails done, go to the mall, Barnes & Noble (our favorite), a movie... pretty much whatever she wants to do that day. On the same day, my husband & the 4 boys have a guys day as well. He lets the boys decide together what they do. Sometimes it's lazer tag or bowling, fishing, a ball game whatever...the kids look forward to these days a lot.
My husband also takes our daughter (she's 14) on a date every once in a while. They go out to eat & see a movie, sometimes she even drags him to the mall. I do the same with the boys one on one.
We have a big pool, so we swim a lot with them & a million other kids it seems.. LOL But we have fun.
We are almost done with our gameroom...just added it on to the house...carpet next week WOO HOO!! Once we are finished with that, we will play darts, pool, air hockey, pinball... oh and watch football of course. We just try to show an interest in their lives and be a part of it. We also feel it is important that they feel & know that they can come & talk to us about ANYTHING. We just love them, that's all.

Gaining their respect....

My mother taught me to GET respect, you have to GIVE respect.
I see so many parents that act like because they are children that their feelings, opinions & things like that don't matter. THEY DO!
They should be treated as people instead of children.
I don't mean expect them to be adults...just respect them.

Bob, I'll get the paperwork started... LOL It would be a joy to have you.

Being around my 5 year old nephew and 11 year old neice has made me come to some awesome conclusions, both about children in general and how I am going to raise mine.

The most important things to recognize about children is that they pop out of the uterus blank slates, any character development issues or habits stem from adults impositions on their lives and external conditioning, hence, if a child is a "bad" child, they cannot be blamed until they are old enough to recognize the behavior and change it as they grow up and discover that the traits will hold them back, I personally believe that age to be around 10-13, depending on the maturity level of the child involved and their given family situation.

The other important thing is that if a child has shitty parents, it's very hard to stop a child from going down the wrong path.

For instance, my neice and nephew's mother (my brother is not their REAL father) was 17 when she got pregnant with her first child and was drug addicted until about 2 years ago, naturally, the implication is that she was a terrible mother and a bad disciplinarian. My niece didnt get nearly the attention or love that she deserved, and has suffered because of it. Now, she is 11 years old and has one of the most fucked up attitudes of any "tween" I've ever met. Most of the time I can hardly stand to be around her because of her "defects of character" or personality, however you want to state it, and although I have authority to punish her and babysit the kids often, because of her conditioning growing up and resentment towards her mother, at this point nothing can stop the downward spiral but herself when she sees fit.

If a kid has had shitty parents up until they are in their tweens, I think that there is very little that any outsider can do to turn the kid around unless they WANT to be helped, and most of the time resentment is what hinders them from reaching out.

I fully believe that it takes a village to raise a child, or however that saying goes, because the more love, attention, and healthy discipline a child recieves from numerous different adults as they grow up, the more that they will respect general authority and the better adjusted they will be, rather than just leaving them in the hands of one or two people to fuck up.