So sick of feeling this way

well...everything lately has been getting really messed uop.My boy friend and I broke up becuase i cant open up to peope my mother foudn out about my newest cts...her friend thinks i am suicidal my father sent me away..i...sit up at night and cry until i cant any longer i am sikc of haitng myself and everythign in my life...would...it..b.e...bbetter if i jsut ened it all...

And sometimes I jsut feel like maybe everything would bwe better if i was gone...

Like suicide...

but right now anythign is better then this...everything is falling apart..

everyone sasy that...but...how can they know whats going on unless they are me...

i jsut dotn know what to do anymore...the last time I tried talkign to someone I thought culd help me he kille dhimself...too..

I dont know ...maybe they do know what its like...

See...I cant really open up to alot of people...well anyone really...

But if i cant open up to poeple who can you listen?

..i...jsut feel...so..lsot inside...i..dont know who i am..or remember who i was...everything is jsut weighing down...and it makes me mad...i dont liek the fact that...alot of people...when i try getitng help the one thing i try getting help for is my selfesteem annd soon as I say I am Bisexaul and stuff they all leave or make fun of me...its jsut not fair how all my friends that i can tell at least have fairy tale lives...yet...im the one who sits at home blade to her skin crying hersel fto sleep at night..

theres more to it though...see liek a month a go my father kicked me out of the house fo rit and stuff right...he trie making me think i was crazy and everything treated me liek crap ...abused em and everything then puts me in the car says we are going for a dirve birngs me to my mothers and says you are living here now...I cant even trust my onw family...

see the way i look at it is..they have parents who love them and would do anything for them...they never have had someone kill themselves infront of them...they have no need to cut or peirce themselves...adn there parents are fien with them being Bi

..yes...your...right..

I tried proving to my father that I was more then a failure..i...write song i sing play guitar draw...I tired everything i could think of to mak ehim oroud...and..he...still...got..rid of me..

I cant...the only thing i can think I havent tried to do well I have but failed is suicide..

There is one thingI can do that would make all my pain go away...

I am 15 now..

We already have been trhought that...suicide.

ig oyou have any other ways then tell me them...but this is the only wya ..i..have lft right now..

..then...thanks for trying to help me out...i...think..i'll...go get it..over..with..

...this...is a picture of me...your wrong see im not smart or beauitful...

sorry my net keeps kicking me off...i havent doen anything

http://vampirefreaks.com/profile.php?user=kalakilanta

No...Halifax

But..i...dont have a nice persinallity..

..i....jsut...dont know what to do anymore...if anyone has msn...mine i s kalakilanta_kalantu@hotmail.com

hey kala. that pic of u, i think is cool. first time ive seen lip rings like that, but meh. the darkness seems to suit ur soul. and oo! u got death metal!! u got any songs on mp3 on ur comp? i wanna hear. lol.

"But yeah my firends say i am funny aand stuff so yeah lol " now see...u have friends like that..why kill urself? they be deeply sorry that ur gone and will miss u terribly.

oo! slipknot and system of a down! u rock!

hmm..its 2:30 am here.....im out. kala, hope u feel better tomorrow. or tonight...or better yet: i hope u feel better now! lol. anyways, peace.

all i can say to this post is, how do you know its better if you were to rest in your grave tonight???

It's all gonna be okay Honey. I feel myself falling into the same situation. My mom asked me if I was depressed and told me she would just die if I ever hurt myself, and me and my boyfriend are just about done because I cant open up to him, or anyone for that matter. My world has fallen, and what I built to replace it is now crumbling. I know what you're going through, but all you can do is stay strong. I am so afraid that my family is going to find out about my addiction to the blade, but if they found out I wouldnt kill myself over it. Its not fair to the people that love you. Just stay strong. You CAN fight this battle. Just try.

kala, u there? i just wanna make sure ur ok

i feel the same way, just don't give up...stay strong

...hey guys i am fine...and thanks alot....you guys really helped me out...

and thanks forgotten...People seem to like my lip rings because they are differnt not alot of people have two on their lip///thats why i got it done.

sadly i dotn have any songs jsut yet tha ti have recored...but most of the songs i write are here on this site if you want to read them...they are kinda depressing though but hey i write from my heart no matter what happens...and i wont give up///

heeey hows it goin?

good that u wont give up. and i tried reading ur stuff. but i lack the attention spawn to read all of it lol

its soo long. the stuff i read tho, i thougth was cool

here i sit cutting away the pain
here I lay watching myself decay
Here comes the memories that drive me insane
Here are the words I have wanted to say
there is a part of my newest song I am writting as we speak..

cool. sounds interesting. but if we keep sayin stuff like that in this thread, we get canned cause it will belong under "friendship". so was ur e-mail? we can talk on msn or some thing

kalakilanta_kalantu@hotmail.com

thanks