Respecting Your Significant Others' Privacy

What rights to privacy do two people in a relationship have? Do both parties have rights to know EVERYTHING about the other? Access to each others e-mail accounts and internet personas?

And now the more personal aspect of why I'm asking this question. My boyfriend has some of his passwords saved in his computer, so it's very easy for me to access some of his accounts. It's not that I dont trust him, but some of his internet activites are borderline not-ok (in my opinion). Every once in a while I feel inclined to check some of his accounts and see what he's been up to in terms of communications with other girls, very flirtatious communications, might I add.

These conversations make me upset, so in turn I get moody with him and do things to make him upset, and he has no idea why, because he doesnt know that I know about any of this. I dont want to tell him, because I'm sure he'll feel like I invaded his privacy, but the bottom line is that what he's doing I'm not okay with, and now I'm in a bad position. I'm almost fed up with it enough to end the relationship- but again, he has no clue, and nothing else is wrong. He's never cheated on me, as far as I know, so all it is is internet conversations, which maybe I shouldnt be upset over? It's frustrating.

I know I wouldnt mind him checking my e-mail accounts or forums- I dont do anything that would hurt him. Even if he went behind my back, there's nothing he would find that would upset him. It seems odd he wouldnt have the same consideration. If there's nothing to hide, why would one mind?

Speak on the topic: Your lovers privacy.

Well, I think that you should respect your significant other's privacy. But that you both should be willing to be open with everything in order to build trust. Like if you ask to look into their email or something than they shouldn't have a problem with that since they should have nothing to hide. But unfortunately it is not that black and white. Like, if your spouse is mega secretive about their email, or cell phone to the point where they get mad when you come within 10 feet of it, then that obviously arouses suspicion. Which inevitably leads to prying.

Hmm. Does your boyfriend...lets call him Dave, does Dave flirt with real people when you are there? The reason i'm asking you this is to ascertain whether he is comfortable with being forward and all that stuff face to face...because when i first read your e-mail it occured to me that there are lots of people who use the internet to express parts of themselves they are not entirely at ease with in physical interactions.

I'm assuming to be with a bonny looking lass like yourself he must be a bit of charmer. But yeah, though you haven't revealed the nature of the things he does online that irk you, except chatting to other ladies i'd be asking yourself why he does it, and not whether he should or not.

And if you can figure out the why, then you have the power of how, and can change things.

Though you might have to dress up and stuff...depending on his online habits eh.

I have some spare costumes i could mail you. I think we have the same shoulders.

lol, Kevin.

The other thread I started about cyber sex being cheating is another piece of the puzzle.

I had a bit of a confrontation with the girl involved, and left the conversation for my boyfriend to see when he got home from work, so he found out that I knew what he was doing and that I was looking into his private accounts and IM history.

We both decided that because he should have nothing to hide he has no need to keep those accounts from me, and also agreed that his behavior was unacceptable.

But to answer your question, he is a very flirtatious person, as am I, but there is a difference between having fun and hurting one another.

And it's not because the sex life needs spice either, it's because my boyfriend can be a total dipshit :).

Well Kaitlin...if you want to get even with him...i'm always Cyber open for you....

Aw man i feel sick at even pretending to be so sleazy...how do some guys do it?

Nice, bold effort to you.

my boyfriend and i have exchanged passwords...originally it was not because we believed we should be open with eachother and know everything, but because his parents are divorced and he's constantly having to switch houses and only one has a computer so he asked me to give him updates on whats goin on w/ the youth group he helps with, because they email him every week. i gave him mine just because i thought it would be fair if i had his.

anyway, i believe that you should respect your signficant other's privacy...i never go in and read any of his emails unless he asks me to, but there is an exception. if one day you got the urge to read anything, which should be ok with him if he leaves his password open to you, and you find something questionable...thats where things change. first i would bring it up to him...then it would be ok for you to check anything from now on, because you would now have a reason to want to read things.

I trust the one I'm with and would never look or think of looking as I believe she will never do anything to hurt me. If I ever found her checking my stuff, I would question her trust of me and hence my need to trust her (where there is smoke, there is fire) However, should that trust be violated, it would be over, as there is no relationship without trust. For me, there are no second chances....God forgives, I don't. Not my job.

i think we should trust the one we're with, and if they don't value that trust, then they don't deserve it, so don't cry over it when it ends... they aren't worth it.

well I don't know my bf's password or anything like that to his e-mails. but he lets me in on everythng he does and he makes me do the same for him. but he did totally violate my privacy when he read my diary back in September.