Ok here's the deal., a contest not for passive writers

I don't know if I like this poem or hate it, so would be grateful if you could tell me what you think!

-Strange addiction of a Sadist-

Addicted to pain
Caused by him;
Seen by many.

Feeding off misery,
Elated
By what he's done

Self-presented power
Given by
Creating fear.

Walking with a status
Not envied
By anyone.

These are all of the strange
Addictions
Of a sadist

How the Moon betrayed us

We still recall them, those who spoke
of where the winds of fate would find us.
Their words were fair, our hearts awoke.
The ache of which ere long would blind us.

They said that, where the shadows are
a light would rise at last, to save us,
and sweep us to a place, afar,
where all the light and dark would crave us.

We waited for the deepest night,
and left our homes where no one knew us,
with hopes to find the brightest light,
away from eyes that saw right through us.

They said the moon would save us all
but nay! Her every glimpse escaped us.
The hunt of her enslaved us all.
The bitter robes of failure draped us.

We let our hopes too soon ascend
trusting that the moon would show us,
but she betrayed us in the end
and all we saw were stars above us.

Wrote this in a moment of bitter regret

My only biological uncle
from my mothers side.
her only real brother
and a mate to most other people.

You had cancer once before
but you were strong.
you pulled through..
but this time it's different

this time you wont pull through
the doctors are trying to help
to help you live for a little longer
but not much can be done.

They're going to make you comfortable
but you wont be in hospital
all wired up, clinical and rushed
you wont know what's going on

You'll be drugged up
you wont know who you are
you wont know what day it is
you wont know who we are

The next time I see you
you'll be in your death bed
Darryl, I will miss you
Why do you have to go?

Please, go ahead some critique would be nice.

Pip xxx

Thankyou for your help :D

Mitsukai,
he wont like all the "you"s at least

Quarrelsome Awakening
by Sean Allen

After nearly killing off one side of the Earth,
the sun moves on to start on the next
and finds himself face to face with a
congealed blanket of solid cloud known to
many as the place where land meets the sea.

In order to guide their lord as he
furiously beats through the evanescent shield,
birds and alarm clocks fitfully bleat out
their sonorous, but slightly sickening, salutations.

Daisy heads ponderously scan the sky for a sign
and Lo! Behold the East, as he breaks through.
Egg yolk drips through and Helios grunts with
youthful exertion as he widens the hole
and lets himself in. And what a quarrelsome dawn
it had been.

~~
And's and The's will probably end up being more of a problem than We's and I's in this poem. I'd be interesting in seeing if it qualifies.

Request for love

I call just to hear the tone in your voice
to put my heart at rest knowing you are alright
compelled to worry by way of my own sake
i love knowing you'll be safe

i ask; what do i have to do to be your knight in shining armor?
and you responded ever so sweetly:
love me forever
be there till death
protect my heart and sole
with you every breath
tell me you love me
let me know your there
be me savior though these long years
share you pain and your strife
but also share you love and you might
and when the time comes
lay me to rest knowing you kept my ever request

Forgiveness

The wounds are healing
My heart doesn't ache
Love tenders these arms
That once were sliced like cake

I am but human
And you stay by my side
Holding tightly on to me
In the dark, my light

Faced with ridicule, disgrace and shame
I didn't think my life the same
You pulled me out of my wretched hole
Deep inside depression's chasms

I was shown mercy, and mercy alone
Was enough to bring me home

Thank you for showing my heart forgiveness.

"^loved the poem, not the way it was written or formatted, the fragmented sentences were terrible,

"and finds himself face to face with a"

how does one end a line with "a".....I've never seen that, although you may point out that someone great has done it, and I'd say the same to them...it's too hanging of a word.......the same with this sentence

In order to guide their lord as he"

Thanks for the critique, and fragmented sentences is something I fall prey to a lot. How would I change those specific examples best, i.e. which part would I move to the next sentence? Or is the problem graver than that?

Thanks for the help, I'll be much more wary about that in the future.

Misery's Door

Her eyes of blazing copper,
Upturn to the sky,
She is a small, pathetic creature,
But she still deserves to know why.

Her brow is knit below,
Her mop of curly hair,
Her ankles tightly grip,
The legs of a chair.

On the table before her,
Sits a broken, tattered book,
Inside is her story,
If anyone dared look.

A dirty tear streaks down,
Another mar on a scared face,
She wants to know the truth,
But she has no haste.

She has looked up into that sky,
For so many years,
She is in no hurry for the answer,
But she is tired of the tears.
After you cry so many,
Then you wish you'd cry no more,
But first you need the answer,
Before you can close misery's door.

I'm not sure why my alternate poem wasn't submitted. I'm almost sure I posted it, but I can't find it. Well, here it is, you have probably seen it before...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

~Postpartum Deport~

A relationship bound by the court,
two parents yearning to abort.
One child's postpartum deport,
a life, from the start, out of sorts.

The help of two elders, they sought,
a custody battle, never fought.
Drug addict parents, got caught,
important lessons, never taught.

A baby that was left behind,
consequences of a legal bind.
A lifestyle of a different kind,
viewpoints from a distorted mind.

A family separated by years in time,
a life with a different rhythm and rhyme.
Two people, making up for another's crime,
always living off of their last dime.

A difficult situation from the start,
a unique picture, of an unpopular art.
A family, nearly torn apart,
two grandparents, certainly, off the charts.

An unwanted boy, now full grown,
held together by seams, left un-sewn.
Approaching life with a whole different tone,
hoping, some day, to live life on his own.

~Sean Dohr~

Inside your words
by Melissa

You rock my ship
into a hypnotic lullaby
within your sea of words
and flip it inside out
where my soul
drowns before you
in an unsuspecting state
of isolated desperation

I suck every ounce
of your bittersweet pain
into every pore
of my wanting flesh,
like a pale fish
searching for her ocean

I'm suffocating
in this colorful world
of heartbreaking imagery,
but I bow
at the exquisite details
that leave a trail
to your lovely broken heart

And that perfect hue of gray
that rolls off every syllable
with such honesty,
paralyzes my intentions
and forces me to listen

I'm hooked by the belly
in your breathtaking scenery
of unusual wordplay
and I cannot breathe,
so if your voice
is not meant to kill
then I'm dying
for no reason at all

I'm sorry dwelt, I just don't like perfection. It seems to take something vital away from the poem.
But thanks for the nit-picking. The "buts" were the voice of denial, nothing to do with the misspelling of buttocks. :-)

//T.L.//