P&Q Serious Writing Contest

This is my first contest here with P&Q and I would like to see what kind of hidden talent this site holds. In this contest, I'm looking for poems that do not have exra use of the words, I, she, he, us, our, your, you're, like, and, but, ect. I'm looking for poems with powerful endings to them. I'll be giving out an honest critique, or as honest as I could be, with every poem entered. So please do not get mad if I feel your poem doesn't fit the standard above. You may enter one poem each. This will close when I decide. There will be no rewards except making the top three places.

I do ask that there is no dark poetry please.

Toxic Narcotic

Deprived future demolished by anguish,
Hidden beneath forbidden salt teardrops,
Concealed disguise unworthy for pageants,
Angry thunder flickering through tree tops.

Flashing brewing lightening strikes vessels,
Risen blood streams revealing bitter truth,
Powered movements rejecting what is right,
Stealing untold memories saved by youth.

(Feed Me) ................Your toxic narcotic.

Diseased heartache controlling all around,
Forcing mouthfuls of power in weak veins,
Dreaming away hope and faith once again,
Draining all these innocent growing pains.

Numbing fewer sensations from the past,
Countless shivers reminding all the wrong,
Unknown numbers surfacing their final peak,
Ticking until pounding thoughts move along.

(Feed Me) ................Your toxic narcotic.

August 11th 2006
Copyright © Natalie

{.P.S. Sorry about all that stuff before. =P ..I can't bring myself to do it. lol}

Beneath The Blackened Battered Sea {Ottava Rima}

Such a beautiful sight during the twilight,
Have you ever seen stars captrued in the sea?
They are such a glorious wonderful sight -
It's amazing to watch them dance with glee,
Amazing to see their mysterious light
Beneath the blackened battered midnight sea
Pulsing glowing stories across the ocean,
Swaying silently in their gentle motion.

The ocean's blue, the star's silver ray hide in the night.
Twinkling and shining they enslave the sea,
Take with them the sun's withering light.
Across the water moves a gentle breeze,
Tickling the stars to their great delight,
Beneath the blackened battered midnight sea
The stas breathe in the smell of the ocean,
As they sway gently in the sea's motion.

I really like this poem I wrote.. It's probably not what you're looking for, but I wanted to see if it would make it.

xDarkSuicidex

I Miss You AJ

Heart burning, tears pouring out fast,
The darkness around is controlling, vast.
Emptiness inside, no point to survive,
I’ve lost the only thing keeping me alive.

The darkness is here because you’re gone,
Although I know you’ll be back before long.
Sitting here thinking of how we once were
Yet our lives have been messed up, stirred.

I miss you, aching to see your lips again,
Hearing you say my name as a friend.
Feeling your touch, though it’s been a while,
I’m madly in love with you; I fell for your smile.

I hope someday we can have what we once did,
But it disintegrated like being put in acid.
The emptiness was once filled up,
But now you’re traveling around Europe.

I just hope we can fill the void,
I’m sorry for what I did; I know you’re annoyed.
I’ll hide my feelings if you talk to me again,
Because I miss you AJ. You were my friend.

~*Who Cares?*~
i just wrote this and i would really like some input. i've never really written poems with such large vocab or anything but im trying new things.

Who Cares, sorry about this but the rules say not to have an overuse of certain words (They are even listed out in the first post) and I'll have to disqualify your poem. Now if you wanted to try a different one, I'd suggest rereading the rules for this contest.

*Starry Dances [Haiku / Tanka]*

Ocean waves splashing
Against rocky mountain walls
Stars sparkle above

Lets dance together
Kiss me beneath starry skies
Whisper "I love you"
Rest your hands upon my hips
Promise you'll never let go
___________________________

As this poem is short, the use of the words I, you, and you'll are not overused in this. First off, let me say that good poems do not have to be long to be considered great. For your Haiku, I liked the fact you kept the tense the same, but I think, and this is just me, it might have been a bit stronger to continue talking about the water as you have for the first two lines of it. But since you have the star line there, I'll continue with your next part.

The tense change to me feels less of one in the moment of your first part and more of a dreamer wanting something. A minor thing is lets should be let's. You already mentioned the stars before, repeating it might reenforce the imagery but I think you could have made that line different to stand on its own. For some reason the lines seemed a bit rushed, not taht you wrote it rushed but more like they jump from one idea to the next, while your first two lines in the first part seemed slow and more together with each other. It was a cute poem though.

Beneath The Blackened Battered Sea

Such a beautiful sight during the twilight,
Have you ever seen stars captrued in the sea?
They are such a glorious wonderful sight -
It's amazing to watch them dance with glee,
Amazing to see their mysterious light
Beneath the blackened battered midnight sea
Pulsing glowing stories across the ocean,
Swaying silently in their gentle motion.

The ocean's blue, the star's silver ray hide in the night.
Twinkling and shining they enslave the sea,
Take with them the sun's withering light.
Across the water moves a gentle breeze,
Tickling the stars to their great delight,
Beneath the blackened battered midnight sea
The stas breathe in the smell of the ocean,
As they sway gently in the sea's motion.
_____________________________________

First off, your title had alot of imagery in it. It was powerful and hooking.
In the first two lines you have an example where the word the is both needed and unneeded. Take your first line:
[Such a beautiful sight during the twilight,] If you wanted to you could take out the word the to make the sentence stand more on it's own without changing the meaning. But if you take your second sentence you can see that the word the has to be there in order to make it feel right.

Also in your first stanza, I don't know if this was intentional or not but you have rhymes throughout three of the first five lines: Twilight, light, and sight which I thought was actually a good thing because you also have glee and sea also rhyming with an line between them. But if this was intentional than the fact that you have another word sea so close kind of throws it off: Sea, glee, sea, as well as just two rhyming words at the last lines of the stanza: ocean and motion. I don't know if I'm confusing you but just saying what it felt like if it was intentional and if it wasn't than it offers something to the stanzas.

Also what is beneath the sea, as the stars are above it, that is moving in the ocean?

[The ocean's blue, the star's silver ray hide in the night.] You have the words the twice close together when you can take one or both out. I don't know why you have both the ocean and the star's color in the same sentence. You have one typo in your final stanza, it won't ruin your chances I was just letting you know about it. Now my favorite imagery though was the line about the stars enslaving the sea. It was different than the lines about stars people usually write about it poems. Your imagery was outstanding to me as well for the most part. It flowed well as waves in the sea, each continuing onto the next without disrupting the line before it.

Wow... These are really good comments.

I'm getting really nervous though. Lol..

Toxic Narcotic

Deprived future demolished by anguish,
Hidden beneath forbidden salt teardrops,
Concealed disguise unworthy for pageants,
Angry thunder flickering through tree tops.

Flashing brewing lightening strikes vessels,
Risen blood streams revealing bitter truth,
Powered movements rejecting what is right,
Stealing untold memories saved by youth.

(Feed Me) ................Your toxic narcotic.

Diseased heartache controlling all around,
Forcing mouthfuls of power in weak veins,
Dreaming away hope and faith once again,
Draining all these innocent growing pains.

Numbing fewer sensations from the past,
Countless shivers reminding all the wrong,
Unknown numbers surfacing their final peak,
Ticking until pounding thoughts move along.

(Feed Me) ................Your toxic narcotic.
____________________________________

Taleee you know I love your sad poems, and this one takes a darker turn than most of yours but not too dak that I would disqualify it. I don't like dark poems too much.

Deprived future demolished by anguish,
Hidden beneath forbidden salt teardrops,
Concealed disguise unworthy for pageants,
Angry thunder flickering through tree tops.

Now what I'm going to point out to you is this: The lines repersent anger well. But is this anger hidden beneath tears the speaker can not cry? Maybe an uncertain future hides behind those unknwn tears? Now for the most part this is set in present tense but watch a word in the fourth line: Flickering. That's present tense where if you wanted to keep with the tense before that it should be: Flickered. With that in mind: Angry would be: Angered.

Flashing brewing lightening strikes vessels,
Risen blood streams revealing bitter truth,
Powered movements rejecting what is right,
Stealing untold memories saved by youth.

Now I liked some of the words you used in this stanza: Vessels, Bitter, Rejecting, and Youth to name the ones I enjoyed for example. Each one adding more to the line to help it stand out. Unfortuntely, you didn't watch you tense again as they switch. One minute it's past and then present once more. Flashing for example being present tense while risen is past tense. Powered is past while rejecting is present.

(Feed Me) ................Your toxic narcotic.

When I first read this I kept thinking there were too many ......'s but reading it again it feels like a hissing whisper talking, taking a breath, and then whispering on to the speaker.

Diseased heartache controlling all around,
Forcing mouthfuls of power in weak veins,
Dreaming away hope and faith once again,
Draining all these innocent growing pains.

This stanza was alright. Stanza tenses were the same, some of the imagery more vivid than others (Forcing moutfuls of power being stronger and more contrast to weak veins), and kept with the poem. I'd suggest taking the comma's off and maybe seeing about taking the word all out of that one line. See if it flows better without it.

Numbing fewer sensations from the past,
Countless shivers reminding all the wrong,
Unknown numbers surfacing their final peak,
Ticking until pounding thoughts move along.

Maybe go a bt into that past instead of saying the past. Was it haunted or guilt ridden? Just a suggestion and al.
I think you could also change the word all or remove it, but that is up to you to decide.

All in all, a good sad poem but you might just run through your tense choices.

Wow, Kaylee. I swear that's the best comment I've ever gotten. Tehe. But I see what you mean about the tenses {Past and present} ..I didn't even realise that I had done that. I'll go through the poem though and fix up what I can. Thanks heaps for all your suggestions. They're all really helpful. =D

I wrote this a bit ago, it was supposed to be philosophical but I'm not one to determine that. The irony of this poem is that it is so purpose driven but now I am turning more and more toward nihilism. Thanks for doing the contest!
___________________________________________________________

Older poems are sometimes fun to read over and you're welcome.
___________________________________________________________

The Trodden Country Road

Twisting about hillside,
past tree and stream.
A road,
a dusty, worthless road.

Made before my birth
trod by so many
I shall never know
the number.

And yet,
in its humble glory;
one sees
its rudament.

To laugh at this road,
a way that of simpletons,
is to call a judge foolish
to label your horse useless.

Around a sycamore tree it winds.
Roots break the road;
a blemish beyond repair
but it is still embraced.

Further along comes a river;
yet another disruption.
The road continues
none-the-less.

This is the road
of many tired feet.
A road of meaning,
the road of life.
__________________

Twisting about hillside,
past tree and stream.
A road,
a dusty, worthless road.

While this line is good in setting up description, and proving not every poem has to be formatted with the lines exactly the same, it doesn't make much sense word wise. Twisting about hillside is a good line but you never make the connection to that with the road. Read it over and you might see that there is no connecting word: Is or even was. Though I did lke the part about the road being useless.

Made before my birth
trod by so many
I shall never know
the number.

Because you have the period after the word road in the line before this, you again don't make a connetion between the two. Taking the period out and letting the line run together might make more sense. Also, trod should bbe trodded if you're using the past tense. I think should might work better than shall but that's just me.

And yet,
in its humble glory;
one sees
its rudament.

Nice word choice and I guess this sort of does make the connection with the road. I liked it, really, but it doesn't seem right with the past tense you had set up.

To laugh at this road,
a way that of simpletons,
is to call a judge foolish
to label your horse useless.

Now you make the connection here with the road, but that's not why I enjoyed this stanza. It was your unique descriptions that won my attention over to your words.

Around a sycamore tree it winds.
Roots break the road;
a blemish beyond repair
but it is still embraced.

I think if you switched the first two lines with each other it might run smoother. This is just me but I think taking out the word but and just keeping it: It is still embraced might make the sentence stronger than what you have. Nice description of a blemish beyond repair.

Further along comes a river;
yet another disruption.
The road continues
none-the-less.

This stanza could be removed without changing it. It adds nothing but another setting and calling it a disruption. Now if you went into detail and relate it to your message, it could make your words a little stronger.

This is the road
of many tired feet.
A road of meaning,
the road of life.

Nice final stanza and you kept up with the past tense from the start of the poem with tired. You also give us your whole poem's message in that final line.

You're welcome Nat. Anyone else?

In Love Forever More (Sedoka)
by Italian Stallion

In love forever
Holding hands, while laying tight
Watching the stars at midnight

Kissing all night long
Hearing waves upon the beach
While cuddling with you all night

© Copyright 2006 By: Italian Stallion

*****************************************
The Sedoka is an unrhymed poem made up of
two three-line katauta with the following syllable
counts: 5/7/7, 5/7/7.
*****************************************

It's Almsot Time To Go

laying my head upon him
listening to him breathe
words lost within silence
unable to express the wounds

my heart shatters slowly
as he kiss my naked body
losing strength to resist
knowing i have given in

confusing lust as love
facing all dissapointment
as he whispers to me again
"It's almost time to go..."
leaving me as he did before

~Jacklyn

In Love Forever More (Sedoka)
by Italian Stallion

In love forever
Holding hands, while laying tight
Watching the stars at midnight

Kissing all night long
Hearing waves upon the beach
While cuddling with you all night

© Copyright 2006 By: Italian Stallion
_______________________________

First, I love that you also decided to use a form poem. The title gave off a calm romantic feeling and reading over your peom you kept to that. Each image was soft and went onto the next one beautifully. Smooth and not jumpy or rushed. Now for some suggestions:

In love forever
Holding hands, while laying tight
Watching the stars at midnight

Second, this stanza was very romantic and whether the rhyme of tight and midnight was intentiona; pr not, I loved the effect it gave on your words. I think thugh you could have changed the word the in front of stars to another one syllable word to describe them: Bright and calm being examples.

Kissing all night long
Hearing waves upon the beach
While cuddling with you all night

Here you have yet another beautiful stanza. The suggestions I do have though are:

You have the word all twice too close together to describe the scene and also cuddling and laying tight kind of feel the same to me, but they might not to you. Each line was romantic and nice but you may want to change one or even both of the word all.

~Jacklyn, would you mind posting a different poem? I'm looking for ones that don't have a lot of certain words (see first post) and your poem has about seven give or take in all.

Thanks

Beneath The Blackened Battered Sea

Such a beautiful sight during the twilight,
Have you ever seen stars captrued in the sea?
They are such a glorious wonderful sight -
It's amazing to watch them dance with glee,
Amazing to see their mysterious light
Beneath the blackened battered midnight sea
Pulsing glowing stories across the ocean,
Swaying silently in their gentle motion.

The ocean's blue, the star's silver ray hide in the night.
Twinkling and shining they enslave the sea,
Take with them the sun's withering light.
Across the water moves a gentle breeze,
Tickling the stars to their great delight,
Beneath the blackened battered midnight sea
The stas breathe in the smell of the ocean,
As they sway gently in the sea's motion.
_____________________________________

First off, your title had alot of imagery in it. It was powerful and hooking.
In the first two lines you have an example where the word the is both needed and unneeded. Take your first line:
[Such a beautiful sight during the twilight,] If you wanted to you could take out the word the to make the sentence stand more on it's own without changing the meaning. But if you take your second sentence you can see that the word the has to be there in order to make it feel right.

Also in your first stanza, I don't know if this was intentional or not but you have rhymes throughout three of the first five lines: Twilight, light, and sight which I thought was actually a good thing because you also have glee and sea also rhyming with an line between them. But if this was intentional than the fact that you have another word sea so close kind of throws it off: Sea, glee, sea, as well as just two rhyming words at the last lines of the stanza: ocean and motion. I don't know if I'm confusing you but just saying what it felt like if it was intentional and if it wasn't than it offers something to the stanzas.

Also what is beneath the sea, as the stars are above it, that is moving in the ocean?

[The ocean's blue, the star's silver ray hide in the night.] You have the words the twice close together when you can take one or both out. I don't know why you have both the ocean and the star's color in the same sentence. You have one typo in your final stanza, it won't ruin your chances I was just letting you know about it. Now my favorite imagery though was the line about the stars enslaving the sea. It was different than the lines about stars people usually write about it poems. Your imagery was outstanding to me as well for the most part. It flowed well as waves in the sea, each continuing onto the next without disrupting the line before it.

----------------------------------------------------------
Reply:
I did do the off rhyming on purpose, I thought it'd give the poem more.. I don't just something to it.

Thank you for commenting and critizing..

I'd take out the 'the's' if I could, but I forgot to put it was an Ottava Rima which means it has to have 10-11 syllables in it... So I can't or it throws off the Ottava Rima. Hope that helps.

Thanks. Take Care.

xDarkSuicidex

Thanks for letting me know it was a form poem. I did enjoy the rhymes which I'm sure I probably said but if I didn't than you know now.

Washing Away

Grabbing a hold of a peaceful breeze
breathing in deeply, smelling the sea
closing my eyes relaxing all thoughts
Temporary lost, tangled within love

Laying naked upon the sandy sea shore
allowing the waves to crash upon my soul
Washing away past broken hopes
casting this heart to his caring arms

Exposing our eyes to new horizon skies
viewing a sunset, allowing nothing to hide
Revealing emotions locked away long ago
laying there together, becoming just one

~Jacklyn

~Celestial Red (Villanelle)~

When I saw you fall from heaven, all my morals fled,
carnal desires flooded my mind, soon we'd be alone.
Erected thoughts that once stood dormant, now became undead.

My concerns with chastity, turned to amorality instead,
sexual verbal libel, brought on an oddly manipulative tone.
When I saw you fall from heaven, all my morals fled.

Bestial avidities were promptly, but passionately bred,
possibilities of platonic relations, were permanently postponed.
Erected thoughts that once stood dormant, now became undead.

As you lied upon my mattress, your legs began to spread,
our intentions were identical, leaving no emotions shown.
When I saw you fall from heaven, all my morals fled.

An angelic experience, from the beginning to the end,
left our names and forgoing histories perpetually unknown.
Erected thoughts that once stood dormant, now became undead.

What you thought as eternal innocence, bled celestial red,
took what was once solely yours, and kept it as my own.
When I saw you fall from heaven, all my morals fled,
erected thoughts that once stood dormant, now became undead.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

-A villanelle is a nineteen-line poem consisting of a very specific rhyme scheme: aba aba aba aba aba abaa.

-The first and third lines in the first stanza are repeated in alternating order throughout the poem, and appear together in the last couplet (last two lines).

~Sean Dohr~

choosing a new poem.

*Removed**I Guess*

([-untitled-])

Jacklyn I'll accept yours
Sean DohrI'll accept yours because I know the poem form and also know that you only repeated those words because of the lines.
Mooie Ogen yours is accepted as well
†!?~*`Bryce Dressler`*~?!dat would you mind changing poems? There are too many he's, he etc
Untitled can you change your poem as well.

I'll continue commenting throughout the day as well. Keep posting guys if you want to enter.

Yellow heart
by Melissa

This morning I wrote a poem
about a yellow heart
pining for red fusion,
in a desperate attempt
to shake the fruit
that never

falls

Tonight I am alone
without tangerine lips
or the temptation of apple,
carefully watching familiar verses
unravel themselves
and fanatically dance around
like a final punctuation mark
or an overused cliche,
while my hands whittle metaphors
into a quick-witted instrument
sharp enough to scrape
the smeared imagery
off the sidewalk of poem,

Still I am not sorry
the fruit has not

fallen
to kiss my weary head,
it takes an overly cautious yellow
to see the perfect shade of red

im not sure but i would like you all to read my view on life anyways :)

Why just judge from the cover,
Not the inner pages?
Why not learn to see me as your sister
Instead of distant strangers.

Why call them bad names?
Why make yourself evil?
Whats with, the lack of equal rights?
What the f**ks Wrong with the people?

Why are you a insensitive bully?
Does being bad make you good?
I don't think it would be that way
If it was you, This isn't love.

No its not, and YOUR not real,
We are a world of disguise,
We the citizens are forced,
To see through someone else's eyes.

We must think the same way
And not have our own views,
We have been brainwashed by leaders,
Giving away our people, leaving us bruised.

MR. President for once admit your failure,
You have caused this unnecessary war,
Why let our people die for you,
What is this hatred for?

What have we done to the world,
We have let power overrule our lives,
As you sit and eat away your sorry life sir,
Another hungry child dies !!!

America the Great
by †!♪~*`Bryce Dressler`*~♪!†

The united states of America
is just one of a kind.
Where everyone is stereotypical
and looks come before the mind.

People living in the streets
eating out of trash cans.
Rushing into another war
without a shred of a plan.

To serve and protect
America the beautiful.
Behind the brave eyes of soldiers
is a family so fearful.

"Red white and blue to the death"
is an American soldiers pledge.
Yet our country so heartless and cruel
pushes them over the edge.

A country where a vice president
can get a pardon or pass
for shooting someone in the face
because it looked like a ducks ass.

We look down upon drugs
cocaine, marijuana, and so on said.
Yet rather than electing a war veteran
we elect a crackhead instead.

Then we elect him again
for another four years
after he took us into a war unnecessary
and drove families to tears.

A country where kids are lost
because of domestic abuse,
parents ignoring their problems
of alcohol and drug overuse.

How can you be so proud
of a country thats feared
that has driven other countries into the ground
over the last ten to twelve years.

People being shot again and again
in this country America the great.
And after all is said and done
the criminal gets to recriminate.

God bless the day
when we can finally see
the stupidity and foolishness
that we don't see on TV

America the great
or so it is called.
Our foolishness and stupidity
shall be our downfall.

(C) 2006 Bryce Dressler

(These are my views on the USA so please dont take anything said in this poem personal. THank you.)

((theres my new one. Better?))

Simply Numb

Years of lost control
Notes bound to the soul
Let me be free from you
The addiction I am through
If you read my face
You can see disgrace
I'm but a ghost of you
A personality askew

I wanna be more like me
Not some fake reality
Hiding beneath plaster
Submitting to disaster
I'm just a white clone
Wearing Death's cologne
Numb before my death
Sketching out every breath

Kiss me as the night sings
As ice drips from my wings
Watch every shadow crawl
Closer to your Brawl
Into my revealing core
You turn me up for more
But I can't feel anymore
Just a plain lonely Decor

I wanna be more like me
Not some fake reality
Hiding beneath plaster
Submitting to disaster
I'm just a white clone
Wearing Death's cologne
Numb before my death
Sketching out every breath

Teardrops...
by ±—€üþhør†¢—± ©®™

That teardrop,
so beautiful but bitter,
it can be full of pain
or so sweet it glitters.
When a tear falls,
it streams down your face,
and ends at your smile,
travelling with grace.
Harboring pain,
exposing your fears,
many a secret
are found in tears.
A container of truth
filled with emotion,
defining love,
and your devotion.
Tears of happiness
laughter and glee,
but also anger,
stress and worry.
Its a wonder,
how a tear so small,
can hold so much
but still enthrall.

You may enter one poem each.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

One of the rules :)

Also, five spots left then I'm closing this. If I asked you to change your poem you have one day after this is closed to change it please.

Title: How Do You Want To Die?

Do you want to fall,
Slipping silently over space,
For a precious moment contained in eternity,
Then pushed down,
Even further than the ground,
To a pit of darkness so deep,
You will never climb out.

Would you prefer to die in your bed,
After your last words have been said,
To all you hold beloved,
Who watch you as you sleep,
And as you are finally dead.

Or to push another being,
Away from a fatal blow,
To take it yourself,
And die a hero.

There are many ways to die,
And there are many people who have fallen,
Or bled.
This is my question.
How do you want to die?

And my answer is;
Not yet.

//T.L.// (Truest Tears)

Missing From The Picture
by ♥ Jєѕѕу ♥

Staring softly at the family picture
Glittery tears form in tender eyes
Slowly running down pale cheeks
On that dark night she silently cries..

The brother she once loved is gone
His gentle smile no longer glows
Now lying peacefully underground
Clutching but a single ruby rose..

Absent from this sparkly picture
The love left so empty, so alone
A jigsaw puzzle missing a piece
A king without a golden throne..

Their connection of love was broken
Locked up hastily and hidden was the key
Over the years it has slowly repaired itself
And brother and sister they will always be..

You may enter one poem each.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

One of the rules :)

Also, five spots left then I'm closing this. If I asked you to change your poem you have one day after this is closed to change it please.

If that was directed towards me, i deleted my other poem above because you told me to. The new one is the one i replaced it with.

No it wasn't directed to you :) The person it was direct to had deleated their second poem. Sorry for the confusion. After three more poems I'll continue commenting and close this. If I ask people to pleae change their poems they will have one day to do so or will not be counted in this.

When Smiles Collide

Atomic potential
Litters the sky
Everyone laughs
Everyone cries
Nothing is sacred
Nothing is true
I live life in forfeit
And so must you
But when you get a chance
Just take it all in vain
Shallow the deepest oceans
And let freedom rain
Live life with passion
Never let go of pride
'Cause nothing's as beautiful
As when smiles collide

(I used a pun - "Shallow the deepest oceans and let freedom rain" - this is to say evaporate all the ocean's water and let freedom reign as it rains down upon the world.)

I don't even know why I entered this particualr piece...I think it was out of boredom. Oh well, I hope you enjoyed it.

-J.R.S.P.

The Lady And The Unicorn
by ∫Bëløveđ∫

The Lady and The Unicorn

A girl with lonely eyes
Starts reading the book
She readily sighs
Her emotions shook

A woman with long, untamed, hip-length hair
Draped in a transparent cloth, skin superbly fair
Her eyes determined and brave
An attack to drive those to the grave

Tiredly she walks, not wanting to hurt her friend's back
Her friend, the unicorn, cheers her up when she's sad
White as snow, with angels wings, to fly high in the sky
A crystal horn to make the truly evil cry

The lady has blood running up her beautiful body
Cuts, scrapes and wounds that felt so haunting
Yet she dared not to go upon her friend's back
For her unicorn was hurt far worse

The magical being from long, long ago
Just and fair, pure as snow
Is covered in reds and copper browns
From the pain others dug below

The two edge a cliff and look around
They see nature's beauties, more than you can count
Smiling, they head home - underneath, ground crumbles
They float right past, don't even stumble

"The next day will be even better," the girl thinks
Closing the book, you can see the pictures blink
For it is the tale
Of the lady and the unicorn

wait- so do i have to remove my poem? i was a little confused about that post, if so just tell me and i will. thankies.

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A Simple Photo...
by J. Lau

A simple photo
Glanced at by many
Seen through the lens
Of an individual

A single glimpse
Of a snow covered tree
Standing alone
In the freezing scene

Many claimed it's portrait
But never quite the same
Each with their own perspective
Captured through their own interpretation

Some expressed a sad lonely scene
Where time froze all living creatures
Chilling winds drifted off the photo
A land of lifeless emptiness

The contrasting view stood out like a rose
Displaying the beauty of a winter wonderland
Where the freshly covered tree
Glisten and shine it's glorious coat

Yet another photo presents a welcomed invitation
To all creatures young and old
A new paradise to be found
Of fresh white powder on the ground

But this one unique shot
Of a baby left to cry
Under this same lonely tree
Melted all the snow away

One single glimpse
One single photo
One single perspective
Saved one precious life

Life is like photography
Is a matter of perspective
There is no right or wrong point of view
But there's always another angle that you may have missed

< - - - - - - - - - - - >

I lost count but I'm going to close this now.
I'll have a list of people in a bit who will have to change their poem or take them out.
More comments today.
So be sure to check the list later on.

Because of school and everything I decided to accept all of the above poems. Unfortunately if you didn't follow the rules you will lose points. Judging and comments begin today. Results either tonight or tomorrow.

Vulnerable

Look at me,
so pathetic,
living like I owe a God my love.

There is not a crafter in existence
with enough perfection in his veins
to mold such a great piece of disaster.

My soul is not a product,
my thoughts were not forged.

Illusions might hold you warmly,
but the cold sting of reality
keeps me awake.

Nothing can soothe my ache
except the dulling effects of death.