help me impove

because were friends** and any others that you may read please i need plenty of help so that i can improve please i will r/r/c on every bodys in return =]

i did 2, but i must be honest, you need to capitalize the i's and the beggining of sentences, but other than that you are a great writer, great poems.

please do my lastest 2,
thanx

lol thought more would be willing to help :-[