Im so confused...

Basically Im just so confused I don’t know who I am anymore or where Im headed. I use to be a happy person who loved going out, having fun etc but this past year I slowly became depressed (not that I even really know why) and eventually started cutting myself and thought about suicide but now Im not really very depressed anymore Im not happy but certainly not depressed like I use to be. The thing is I still cut and Im pretty sure I could stop if I wanted to but I don’t want to but the thing is I really don’t know why I still want to cut and once I do cut I have to force myself to stop even then I might go back later in the day and cut some more. I also don’t think I want to be happy I guess I just figure its easiest not to be happy and also I guess Im a little scared that if I do allow myself to become happy everything will just return and turn crap again so I make myself depressed sometimes I don’t even release Im doing it. Its almost like, I like being depressed?!? I just really don’t know who I want to be whether it’s the old happy me or the depressed me, things would be alright if I could just step back and let whatever happens, happen but I cant because I tend to think about everything like my bestfriend once told me I think to much which is true but I cant help it. I just really don’t know what I want in life anymore. I don’t even know why Im writing this because I don’t really know how anyone could help me, just a waste of your time reading this…

i gess i used to b lil like u not noin y i cut , n y i was depressed , but i do no now , n if u fink u can stop den do , coz ofer wise ull find it very hard to stop coz i now i cerntenly do , i just wish i neva started .i just fink i wrote aload of crap ! wot exactly do u want helpin wif ? rite back n i will try n help love lid xxXxx

Hey thanks but I dont know if anyone can help me really unless your able to tell me who I want to be but im really starting to think that I want to be this sad person but who knows why I would want to be cause i certainly dont but thank you anyway I really appreciate it and sorry for wasting your time