Is it wrong that I finally said something?

okay well I've been with this guy for 2 years, we have a baby and we wanna get married. but his mom's never liked me***when I was pregnant with his baby, she would always tell him to leave me for someone his own age. like constantly, she was telling him to leave me. and then she also said that, my baby wasn't her grandchild unless she gets a blood test. and on nights i went over, she would sit in the dining room, get drunk and make me go over there and then she would tell me stuff like I ruined his life and all this other stuff. (and im the one that got pregnant at 15) he's 20. but whatever. and then she would'nt let him call me on her phone and he walked to circle k at like 3 in the morning to call me one time cuz she wouldnt let him use the phone. and it was freezing outside. but usually thats how we talk...he calls from a payphone. and then his mom was saying that I'm not allowed over there anymore. and she did other stuff too but you get the picture of what she's like. well anyways, finally i got real pissed off and I just all of a sudden have this habbit of calling his mom a bitch. and everytime he brings her up, i say i cant stand her or i make some remark. but i cant help it. but i have held my tounge for this long cuz i knew it was disrespectful to him to say stuff about his mom. (even tho she talks crap about me) but he gets mad at me for it now but i just cant help it, i dont like that lady. so is it wrong that i finally said something? like would someone else here have done the same thing? idk I couldn't help it

all guys are so protective about their moms even they hate them,so whatever his mother does to you,he always will forget about bad things and fight for her so imply bad but try not to tell drectly a bad thing until he says something bad,you can say that time and he will listen you that time otherwise he won't..
You should act like you don't care and someday he will be sick of his mother and nag to you when he does this,it's your turn to tell your inner thoughts
hope this is helpful for you
Don't worry yourself please for me
Take care of yourself and that cute baby(i'm sure of that) too
See ya
Laura
PS:and don't forget that is a really common problem just not his mother,they think that they can control their son's life,but if you use her gun to her,she will be submitted finally

thanks laura.

-no, i havent tried saying anything to his mom, i just tell him when im pissed off. but i do tell my mom and she doesn't like that lady either.

say wat you really feel inside. tell him bout it. tell him everything. then he will understand why you feel how you do.

his mum does sound evil and that but it should not do much. you and him should love each other lots. and no one can take that away from you. you just have to work around the fact that his mum just hates you.

in time i hope she sees the great person you are.

david

If he was a real man, he'd move out and you two would raise your family together like normal people. You just cut your fun time as a youth and now it's time to be responsible adults.

Don't live at your parents house mooching. Get jobs, get up, move on, and you'll never even have to deal with the parents if you don't want to, because then it'll be your house. If you want it bad enough you can make it happen peace.

Also don't let your parents raise your child. Man up and take responsibility and be an actual parent, and be HAPPY about being a parent. It is never, ever a bad thing.

um...I am happy being a parent. I love my baby to death. and jeremy did have a job but he got fired becuz he popped the blimp on accident. so now he's looking for a new one. and rightnow, I'm 15...I can't work. but this isn't about my baby. it's about his mom and me.

I don`t think its wrong to speak the truth, but there are a lot of ways to say things , If you speak out but in a respectful but assertive way she may come to realize you are a mature young woman, you might remind her that her son was the adult in this situation
what about the changes to your future? She will probably come to want a relationship with her grandchild ,that may change her outlook. Put her in her place! tactfully.

lori lee:

I never said you weren't happy about being a parent. And you can get a job at 15 if you have the right paperwork. In fact, you can legally be an adult at 15 if you jump through the legal hoops.

But the truth is the truth. Your boyfriend needs to man up and take responsibility for his baby, and his baby's mother.

Really this has nothing to do with his mother, it has only to do with him. You would never ever have to talk to his mother if the two of you lived on your own and provided for yourselves.

but that's another thing, you see. like he actually WANTS me to talk to his mother. he wants us to work stuff out but I've tried to like that lady again and again and she always messes it up. but I got mad because she always said stuff about me. always. and i kept quiet for like 2 years. (but when she said stuff he would say he didn't wanna hear it and stuff like that) but he didnt get that pissed off. and then when i finally say something he gets pissed and then wants us to work it out. and idk, it sucks.

and I'll be 16 in less than 2 weeks. I'd rather just turn 16 than go through a bunch of court stuff.

and jeremy IS looking for a job. he lost his job old one but he's looking really hard for work. but in the meantime we can't just live out on the streets. and he really does wanna support me and the baby again. but mainly he just wants us to have our own place. and this one job that he's been bugging his friends about...it gives you like...350 for per diem a week or somethin like that. and then 1000 every 2 weeks. and he wants that one really really bad. but the thing is we'll have to move a lot and stuff. and stay in hotels.

No one ever said taking care of business was easy.

And what do you think about the people who have mortgage payments and 3 children? When they lose their job what do you think happens?

You know what happens? Usually those people have a savings account, or something to fall back on. Even investments.

You're never too young to invest. But you definitely have to be smart with your money. At your ages it's so easy to spend money and party and buy CDs but as a young (AND POOR) parent, you gotta put ALL of that stuff aside, and he does too.

But I'm SURE, like 100% sure, that if you were both taking care of all of your responsibilities that his mom would treat you with more respect.

I'm just guessing here, but I know that if I had a son who was 20 who knocked up a 15 year old and then she had the baby, I probably wouldn't respect her much too. You should try looking at it from her perspective. Not that I'm saying it's right or that I condone someone not respecting you, but you have to take it at face value.

As far as his mom is concerned, you ruined pretty much all of her dreams of her son becoming some kind of astronaut or doctor or lawyer or something. You know... parents have grandeur ideas for their kids. All of us parents do.

But hey, life isn't easy. That's a lesson his mom should have learned a long time ago too.

But I digress. If neither of you ever had to ask his mom for anything (babysitting, money, food, shelter, ANYTHING), I'm sure his mom would want to come visit you two a hell of a lot more. Then she would desire your company, rather than despise it.

Peace

woah...wait a minute. WHY EXACTLY would you probably not respect a 15 year old girl who your 20 year old son got pregnant???...be very specific when you answer this question.

and one thing about that...he got me pregnant on purpose. cuz we were using the pull out method and we had used it so many times before and i never got pregnant. okay? but way later on I did...and after a while he told me he did it on purpose becuz he wanted to be with me forever and all that other bullsh!t. so you see, i trusted him to pull out, and he didn't...on purpose. I wasn't trying to get pregnant. but anyway....

Jeremy was never gonna be a doctor or a lawyer or an astrounaut. his mom knows that. he got his g.e.d. but he has no intention on going to college. all the jobs he's gonna get are like construction and stuff like that....by the way, yesterday he got that job that he wanted. and he started today. but I didn't ruin anything for him. i actually saved him from being a major coke head.

and how do you think my mom feels if he was like 20...and im only 15. im sure she wanted me to do stuff to...well idk. actually my mom just wants me to be happy. and thats exactly what i want for my son. i dont care if hes a doctor or whatever. just as long as he's happy.

but jeremy's mom couldn't even be happy for him. i remember one night at a family gathering she got drunk and was telling me stuff and jeremy was saying "mom I just want you to be happy for me" but she can't even do that much. it's like asking her to pull a rabitt out of her as*.

and I understand what you're saying when you said she might have more respect for me if we took care of our responsibilities and not asked her for anything but...you obviously don't know this lady. she was telling him to leave me when she had only met me like three times. this was BEFORE I was even pregnant. we never asked for anything. well, jermey asked her for a few bucks for cigarettes every now and then but thats about it. other than that, we've never really asked her for anything.

look, this lady just doesn't like me. she has no reason. i mean, im sure she does but it's not a very good one. she's just a flat out bitch to me. and I understand all your points of veiw except maybe the one where you said you probably wouldn't have any respect for a 15 year old who ur 20 yr son knocked up. but why not, if you dont know their situation???

thank you britt

To be honest with you, if I were his mom or dad, I wouldn't respect you simply because you chose to keep the baby at 15 years old. I can't spell it out any simpler.

Question for you: Would you want your child (if a girl, pregnant and having a child at 15)? (if boy, getting a 15 year old pregnant at 20)?

Just answer yes or no to that. I don't want to hear if you respect their decision or have their back all the way, would you want that for / from your children?

And also, you don't seem to high on your boyfriend's intelligence rating. So he got his G.E.D. and will never go to college and will probably only work construction jobs for the rest of his life.

Are you listening to yourself?

I understand that you're in love and all that. But now you HAVE someone who depends on you for EVERYTHING, and you BOTH still depend on other people, so technically, since you can't even provide for yourselves, you can't even provide for your own child which in my opinion makes you bad parents. What saves you are your parents and his parents, which make them ultra good parents.

So don't give me these cop out answers of "he will only get construction jobs" crap, because you can always do better and you can always improve and you can always be a better parent.

Do I think abortion is right for a 15 year old?

I think whatever a 15 year old chooses to do with their baby is their choice.

I'm just stating my opinions here. Don't get offended.

In summation, I'm saying that I think the problem doesn't necessarily lie with his mom or his parents or even your parents. The problem lies with you two, the parents.

And for the record, the "pull-out" method is not a method at all. In fact it does little to thwart pregnany considering "pre-sperm" itself and the little tiny bit of sperm that forms on the end of the penis during erection can contain millions and millions of possible people-to-be.

Peace

Lori this has EVERYTHING to do with your child, everything you do from the moment it came into the world has an affect on this child especially your relationship with its grandmother...
Its hard being a young mum I was one myself BUT you need to grow up and start acting like one. I think you were right to communicate your frustrations with your mum-in-law but you should probably be more diplomatic and mature about how you deliver your frustrations in future because you are both part of your childs life and always will be!!!

well its my goddanm baby! of course I'm going to keep him. I love him with with every bit of me and I'm responsible for him being here. I couldn't see myself doing anything else with him. and if someone doesn't respect me because I didn't wanna throw him away...I don't think I should really give a sh!t.

and Jeremy can support us now cuz...well i guess you didn't read it above but...He got the job. and we weren't making our parents pay for the babies things. Jeremy got fired just recently, and we've been using his incomtax money to buy the baby's stuff. my parent's gave us a place to stay and food. but they ain't raising my baby.

and if jermey doesn't wanna go to college, thats fine. he still works to support us. my dad didnt go to college, he's still doing good. but jeremy has this dream of like being a tattoo artist. so idk.

and you are nobody to be telling me that we're bad parents. you don't know how we are with that baby. and like i just said, we were paying with his stuff with jeremys incomtax money. but I'm not a bad parent. I take good care of that baby. he's fed right, changed when he needs to be, I play with him....I'm not a bad mama.

oh, and about the pull out method, it did work for me. that whole time we used it, it worked. but he didn't pull out ON PURPOSE!!!...did you see that? it said on purpose. so...it did work for me its just jeremy wanted a baby with me so he chose not to pull out and I didnt know it. but now im on the shot and it doesn't matter anymore.

Who said it wasn't your child?
Who said you were bad parents?
Who said you were a bad mother?

Its the immature way you reacted just then which makes me realise what your mother in law must have to put up with...

I stand by what I said.

You may be able to buy your child food.

You may be able to play with your baby. (of course you can, you don't have a job).

You may change your baby's diapers every 2 hours, but let's get something straight.

You are both living at your parents houses. So technically, you're not providing for your child. Without your parents, you and your child would be homeless.

So what I mean by that is, you should show the utmost respect to your own parents or whomever gives you and your baby shelter.

And - you don't have to ever talk to his mom if you don't want to. Even if he wants you to, it's your choice. Screw that lady. If she wants to see her grandchild she should be nice. All I was ever trying to say was that she'd be a lot nicer if you and her son were a little more successful on the financial scale, meaning they have less to worry about.

Peace

what do you mean (of course you can, you dont have a job)?....you're supposed to play with your baby EVEN if you do have a job.

and we can provide for our baby. we are providing for our child. I mean is buying the baby food, clothes, diapers, a new bouncer, new bottles and toys not providing for him??? cause I kinda thought it was. but idk.

and I do have great respect for my parents and I am very thankful they're letting us stay here. and they are providing for my child too...they're providing shelter. that's true. but it's not like they were gonna tell me no...i mean they're my parents. when I don't have a place to stay, I don't really expect them to be like "screw you, go find somewhere else"

but come sunday, if we don't wanna stay here Jeremy COULD provide shelter for me, the baby, and him. cuz this job he just got, it gives you per diem or something like that. and he's gonna get $350 a week, and he gets that on sunday. but thats just per diem. his actual pay check will be like $1000 every 2 weeks. but anyway, then we can stay in the hotels like the rest of the guys and their girlfriends and babies. (the guys that work w/ jeremy that is)

but I still dont know about his mom.

Do you really want to move around in hotels with your baby?

And also, people who work a lot are usually forced to spend less time with their kids, meaning they play with their kids less. I usually have about a total of an hour and a 1/2 to play with my child. That's like 30 minutes in the morning, and an hour after I get home after work.

But you know what?

I buy toys, bought all the diapers when my child still needed them, (lots of toys), all the food, provide my child's insurance through blue cross with my job, AND live in a 3 bedroom house for JUST my child and I. No one else even lives there. I never received WIC, and I never took a thing from anyone. In fact, as soon as I found out that I was going to be a father I got a second job so I could get a bigger place.

I'm not trying to say I'm perfect, I'm just trying to say that if you were doing more, his mother might respect you more. I know that I've never had an issue with respect since I've been totally independant.

And you do provide certain things for your child yes. But shelter is the most expensive and probably the most important. If your child is still a small baby, food and clothes aren't even that important. Because you have breast milk, and naked babies are fun anyways.

But that was beside the point.

I guarantee you that when you and Jeremy or whatever his name is are living together and can be a family without any help at all from your parents or his parents (THAT INCLUDES SHELTER) that his mom will respect you more.

And do you know why?

Because, then, she will no longer be needed. So instead she will desire your company since she is not needed. She will want it since she is not needed or depended upon.

I'm just speaking as a young parent with a child who is older than yours. Take my experience or leave it.

Peace

are you f**cking serious? "food and clothes aren't even that important"??? lol. well, I beg to differ.
my baby is dressed at all times and he always has socks on. I'm not one of those parents who lets my kid sit around in a diaper all day. clothes ARE important. and if you have a child of your own...you must know how cold little baby feet get.

and food...that's VERY VERY important. I can't believe you even said that it wasn't. and yes true, there is breast milk. but you see, it's only there for so long and if you don't breast feed, it dries up. so I couldn't breast feed even if I wanted to cuz I never did and now I don't have anything in me. so that's just kinda...not an option.

and my baby has medicaid to cover his little doctor visits and check ups.

and well you seem like ur doing okay but...
why do you live in a 3 bedroom house for just you and ur child?? I see no point in that. but I guess, if that's what floats your boat.

and what do you do that takes up so much of your time? cuz like jeremy goes to work at 6am and comes home at 7pm. but for the past 2 days he's played with jeremy junior when he got home....I wanna say for about....mmm...2 hours almost?

and whats wrong with hotels? they have a bed, bathroom, tv, and other stuff. and jeremys gonna buy some stuff too. like a mini fridge and a stove top thingy. you like plug it up. and pots and pans so i can cook. I think we'll be fine.

and Jermey's mom ISN'T needed rightnow. we stay here, not over there. but she'll never lk me either. but I hear I'm not the first one she's done this too. cuz jeremy has a brother and his wife told me that jermey's mom did the same thing to her. like she would tell her stuff like you ruined his life and stuff. I never did anything wrong to her but idk, this lady's just a hater. I have no idea why though. but I do know....she has problems.