Comments on new poem please

Hi There,

I havent written for a while, and havent got many friends on this site yet so would really appreciate comments on " 24 hours, a will, and a lie."
I will obviously comment on yours also.

Thanks for your help guys,
All comments appreciated :-)

Honeypot x

Thank you for your comments :-)

Have read some of yours, well done your writing is beautiful.

Its done............. and hope u can visit my poem too. thanks

Thank you both, I have commented on your poem!
x

Very enjoyable, I left a comment that may or may not be useful.

Feel free to comment on any of the four poems I have. Please be as critical as possible! These are my first poems and am trying to work on structure, flow, scheme, literation, tenses, etc.

thank you

Thank you for looking Tambourine man! I take on board your comments, you are right I should use descriptive words.

I will check out your poems now!

Thanks again