The Night of the Worst Sin of all Sins [1 for 2]

Could you please r/r/c my poem 'The Night of the Worst Sin of all Sins'?

In return I will rate 2 of yours

No 1 liners, please. If you do 1 liners I'll give a 1 liner back.
Please be honest, tell me if there's a part I could improve on
Rate, too, please!

Post the names of the poems if you want specific ones.

Thanks! =)

Anybody?

I read your poem and voted it as well, it was done very nicely, could you please r/r/c my poems called"

My Never Ending Dream
The Dentist

Please and Thanks

P.S. please don't forget to vote.

GG23

Anybody else?