Learning to cry again

Before my fiance passed away, I was a very emotional person. Everything upset me. Money problems, family problems... I always cried and a lot. I was like that my entire life.

I know that was one thing my fiance always told me to stop doing. He always told me that even though it was okay to cry, that I shouldn't allow so many things to get to me. That it'll all work out in time.

When he first died, I screamed more than I cried. The day of his burial, I didn't cry at all. Hundreds of people were crying around me, yet I looked like some cruel heartless being. I just could not cry.

Every once in awhile I cry over losing him. But it is never very long (only a few tears here and there) or meaningful. Anyone who saw me cry, would probably think the tears were fake.

I want to cry so much, but I cannot. As for crying over stupid other issues...I haven't even come close to that.

On one hand, I am glad small issues don't effect me anymore. On the other hand, I feel like there is something wrong with me!!! I can't even cry over my fiance. It makes me furious and all I can do is scream.

Ok sorry about the long rant. I just needed to get that off of my shoulders.

I have the same problem. you are not alone

Is it something like you have so much burden inside, yet you can't burst it all out?..

I'm not really sure what it is. In some ways, I feel guilty crying, because I feel like he hated it.

Also, I think it hasn't truly hit me how he is gone and never coming back. I mean, some days, I expect him to walk through the door.

I just know that its all building up, and it doesnt seem very healthy. Being that, most days I just want to break something or hit someone. And I've never been a mean or violent person.

Crying is a weakness, it shows that you can't handle things, having emotions over power and human and thats the most sucky thing about it. Maybe your fiance wanted you to stop crying and see the ture strong person you really are.

its okay to cry alittle but things happen and time passes you can't change what happens to you and around you. Thats how i deal with life, things happen to me that i wish i could change. but life is cruel and we have to deal with it until the day we die.

I wouldnt say crying is a weakness necessarily. But, I won't get into it, because I don't know quite how to explain what I mean.

I know just how you feel for when the man I was to marry died I was 19 and I too could not cry while everyone else did my story is just like yours and it took me along time to except the fact that he was gone and then when I did i finally did break down and cry and I myself always felt that crying was a weakness till some personal things happened in my life then I relixed that it is not it is a part of life and it is ok to cry it is not good to keep it all in so I hope I was of help to you if you need to talk you can send me a message ok.

Tammi,

Thank-you Tammi. I really appreciate that. I'm so glad someone understands what I'm going through.

Oh no problem and I understand so well what you are going through and trust me dear it does get easier but it does take time so dont try to rush it just be yourself and let yourself heal in its own time and listen to your heart and not what other ppl say ok .

I can't cry. I've been holding it all inside for too long and now I can't cry anymore. maybe when I break down I'll drown the world with all the tears I never cried haha.

To me, crying is a weakness. I never show people my weaknesses, cause they might use it against me in the end.

I don't have much advice, but I know that crying is never a weakness. If you ever feel the need to cry, don't hold it back! I agree with your fiance's point, that you shouldn't let as much get to you...but never hold back tears.

Thank-you guys! I really appreciate the support.

Unfortunately now that my fiance is gone, I do agree that I shouldn't have gotten so upset about everything. Especially now that I see there were worse things to come.