Jake

I have an ex named Jake..
And me and him were talking a couple days ago and he wants to go back out with me..
I mean I love him, I really really love him. he's the only guy I ever dated that i could picture myself with for the rest of my life.
But we've had a really rough past.. He was the father of my unborn child.. I was planning on having the kid but then he pushed me and the kid ended up dying.
He also broke up with me, multiple times and he broke my heart. and everytime he would tell me something sweet and then we would go back out for like a year.. and then we would break up again.

So basically, Since he wants to go back out with me I need advice.
my head is saying to forget him but my heart is saying to take him back..
So I need advice.. anyone help.
please?
thanks.
xoxo
--Chelsey

Well thats the thing Jake.
Your not a overall good guy.
You definitely have good qualities..
and dont get me wrong i love you, and sometimes i know you love me to.
But other times I'm not so sure, i mean why would someone treat someone like crap because they love them?
I dont think so.
I think that you only love me when its convient for you, and thats not what I want, I want you to love me all the time.
When your ready for that, then I'm ready for you.

^This guy, I assume?

Mm. Any "man" who would push a woman, especially a pregnant one, does NOT deserve another chance, in my book. Let actions speak louder than sweet words.

(And good answer, by the way. It seems like you are pretty sensible.)

Jake, you don't get this do you?
This isn't about me and you..
This is about my baby.
You killed it.. I know your sorry. I believe that you are.
But I cant look at you and not think of that kid.
Looking at you makes me sick.. that doesn't mean I dont love you, it just means that I cant handle being around you.
Sometimes its just the way it is.
Life sucks sometimes.

I Told you i would think about all of this.. I cant decide.. I love you. and If that thing wouldn't have happened about our baby, then we would still be together and be engaged like we were.. and be happy.
But we aren't together, we aren't engaged and I'm not happy.
You can say all the should have could have and would have's of life, But then we would let the reality slip by us. and we would realize later that we were all in a dream.. and it was fanasty.

I dont want my life to be full of what could have been or should have been, I want my life to have what did happen and what didn't happen. No dreams. Just reality.
and my dream is to be with you, but my reality is to let you go.

Yeah your right.
I will never get over you.
But I'm going to have to try, I'm going to have to give it my all.

And die trying.
Your not really helping my decision Jake.. Your just giving me more reasons to say no.
So if you would stop talking that would help you alot..

here's a deal.
In two hours meet me infrount of the eiffle tower..thats only like 20 miles from your hotel room right?
hope so.

okay?

I'm with Bob.
I see the red flag.
Playing the guilt trip and a little bit of the manipulation card in all of this.

He actually kind of reminds me of those cliche kind of men off the movies that abuse their wives, y'know?

I'll never do it again. I beat myself up everyday. I love you, I swear. Ring a bell? Hah.

I think you should stay away for the pure reason you sometimes feel he doesnt love you and you know he treats you like crap. Shouldnt that tell you all you need to know? If he really loved you.. Wouldnt you feel it every minute, even through the saddest times in the relationship? Someone you love usually doesnt make you feel doubtful of that love. Unless they try.
I'm asking you questions to make you think. Because no one can really TELL you what to do.

It's on you.
But everyone but Jake here seems to think you should stay away. Including a small part of yourself.

You two have seemed to have talked this out...I won't be posting my opinion.

JayJ

Jake..
I didn't walk away because of what they said..
I dont know what I walked away, I'm sorry I did.
But it just felt right..
I'm sorry If I hurt you..

"and my dream is to be with you, but my reality is to let you go."

^Chelsey, hun, I think your answer is right there in your very own words.

Good luck! =]
--Viola

Chelsey you shouldn't be sorry. Why would you be? He has hurt you before, he is only getting what he deserves in turn. You deserve better for yourself. Someone that really cares about you and won't treat you like crap. You did the right thing!

Thank all you guys for helping.
I know that all of you are right..but a part of me wants to believe you guys are wrong.. I mean I want you guys to be wrong.. about the fact that he will end up hurting me again, but I also know you aren't..

and the person that posted above me.. well I haven't really done anything yet.. I've just walked away from Jake.. I haven't told him we are over yet. And I know i shouldn't be sorry, But I am. I'm sorry more than ever. and he hasn't hurt me before, except emotionally. He's only hurt me physically once, And i Know your probably thinking "well thats one time two many" But what if the guy you loved had just one time where he blew up and did something he regrets, would you stay with him??
everyone makes mistakes, and everyone gets a temper at some point in their lives.
I know i have, So why should Jake be an exception.

Jake!
Dont call be baby..
and I was sticking up for what I believe in..

My ex had a temper on him, and each time he made me emotionally upset I didn't understand it was abuse. It got worse.

One time is always too many

I've given you a second chance..
and a third
and a forth
and a fifth
And i Think it probably goes up to 100.

YOu've hurt me so many times in the past, what should make me think this time will be any different?

Yeah, Jake doesn't hurt me.. he doesn't abuse me. If he did i wouldnt even be having this conversation with him, and I wouldn't even be considering going out with him again.

Well what happens if i give you a second chance and you do it all over again? all the crap, everything.
I cant deal with that, thats not how my life should live.

Not saying it's abuse just an example

So him killing your unborn child isn't enough reason for you to leave him for good? I don't know about anyone else, but that would be enough for me. I've been in an abusive relationship. I know how it feels. It's always the same story. I'm sorry. I was angry. I have a bad temper. BLAH BLAH BLAH. It's no excuse. He should have never touched you out of anger in any way. You were pregnant he should have even been more careful around you as to assure that nothing would happen. Your smartest move would be to leave him. It's your descision though. I hope you make the right one.

I say give him another chance but be catious. Make sure he feels for you what you feel for him. Good luck, and I'm sorry about your child.

Jake, I'm not sorry about anything..
I'm not sorry that I hurt you (Cuz you deserved it)

I'm not sorry that i broke up with you (cuz it was the right thing to do)

I'm not sorry that I'm not just falling back into your arms like a little girl again (cuz thats just not me anymore)

but, i am sorry that I love you.
I'm sorry for myself that i love you,
I'm sorry for myself that i cant live without you.
I'm sorry for myself that I cant imagine fighting with you.

But saying sorry to you?
nope, I cant do that..
Saying sorry to you is like if I was to fall down the stairs and I said sorry to the stairs for tripping over them.
Its completely useless. cuz I shouldn't have to say sorry to the stairs, And I definitely shouldn't have to say sorry to you.

*cough* I'm a girl

And don't push her so! Can't you see she's hurting because of what you've done to her? She doesn't have to take you back if she doesn't want to.

Brittany, your right in some ways and wrong in another.
Yes he killed my unborn child and I know how the story of abuse goes.. I do.
But at the same time.. You say that "I dont know about anyone else but that would be enough for me" well yeah thats you. I'm not saying its not going to hurt.. I'm just saying that I still love him.
and why would someone live without someone of they already know they should be together..?

I think you all are right, and I'm just way in over my head here..

Okay.
Yeah I'll answer Jake.
Just call and hurry up..
I have things to get done.

Jake I'm not really saying that your a bad person. Abuse to me though is a big thing. Phiysical or mental. All the same it's abuse.
Chelsey if you want to be with him, then do it. I would advise you to be very careful though. Don't let things fall back to old ways. He's hurt you before. Don't let it happen again.
I wish you too the best honestly.

Thanks.
and i know you don't think Jake is that entirely bad.

And Trust me I want to be with him.. I really do. but what if something happens? or what if.. idk anymore. But I dont think "what if's" should be in a relationship.
To me that makes it a bad relationship if you have to question things.
I know you guys have tried really hard to help me, and i apperciate it, more then you could ever know. But I'm still so confused.. I knew that this wasn't just going to be something I could decide in a couple hours, But I didn't think it woudl be this hard.

All relationships are based on TRUST

Keep that in mind and take care <3
xoxo

I think he needs to stop forcing you for a while and give you some time to make this decision. A little sepperation would do you good, I think.

Viola thanks, that would work hun.

and amanda.. wel..
wow!
that was alot of emotion pilled into one post.
I understand that you care for me,But you dont nessarily understand everything I'm going through.
It is as much as my fault as it is jake's.
and I know your probably thinking "well thats what girls that get abused always say, she's in denial"
I'm not in denial, i'm in reality.
I'm not saying what he did was right.
But I'm also not saying its unforgiveable.
If we as a society never forgave people for their mistakes then we would have no friends, and this whole world would be in fights.. even more then it is already.
He's forgiven, but what he did isn't forgotten.
Its just been put in the past, where it belongs.

Well.
he didn't do something that bad.. I mean yes he killed my kid and thats murder.. But if I'm willing to forgive him then why should he be punished any further.
He wont hurt anyone except me if I go out with him again.. So its just be in danger not another woman.

and anyways if Jake was ever in jail, i could never forgive myself.. Then me and him would both be hurting on the inside, and that doesn't seem fair.

I'm healed really.
It wasn't the right place, and it wasn't the right time.

I also dont want my kids to remember me as the mom that thinks its okay to put the person you love at risk.
I would never tell my kids about what happened with the other kid, until their older.

I Think every rule has its exceptions, the one about "do the crime, pay the time" well I think that he's an exception, because i love him. and love conqeurs all.

Thanks for pointing out that yet again I am another faillure in this stupid world.
I really apericiate that..
and thanks for sharing your "theories"..

I'm not one that's quick to judge, so I can't say that Jake is a complete jerk and a horrible person..because all I know about him so far is what's been said in these posts. My judgement would be based solely on some threads and words said while in a difficult situation, I don't think this is nearly enough information to be able to make a decision or a fair judgement of a person. So I just won't.

But I am going to say this much, there are plenty of guys out there that would be a better companion and boyfriend to you, my dear.
I know that you are training in hopes of competing in the 2010 Olympics. Now that's big. You have a lot in this life to look forward to, a lot to accomplish, many goals to achieve and dreams to make into reality. You are young! Only 16. A whole life ahead of you (especially as rewarding as your might come out to be) cannot be thrown away because of a guy who just simply will not treat you right (and No, I'm not saying he won't treat you right, but look at the chances).

A second chance is sometimes fine. A 3rd, 4th, 5th?...now that's getting out of hand.
In the end it is your decision. But just think of what's best for you, and consider other people's point of view. That's all.

--Viola

I am.
and thanks.
I know you all are trying to help.
and thats what i wanted you to do..really it is.
I wanted help and thats what i got.

I'm working things out with Jake in a way.
And I know i sound stupid cuz in my head i'm saying I'm being stupid, But I love Jake.
and there are 100 reasons to completely hate him, but there's only 1 not to, and that is the fact that i love him. and thats the only one that matters to me right now.

No Amanda is being sensible

I think amanda is making a good point but she didn't have to make it so rudely..
she wasn't being respectable.. If she isn't going to respect us then we dont have to respect her, even though I will.. =]

but still evryone has their opinion, some agree with her and some dont.

Okay.
well if it was someone else I would probably do nothing..
And I'm not being selfish.. But i think we should stop this thread.
Me and Jake are back together.. and well there isn't much you can do about it..
I apericiate your views but I just dont agree.
I'm sorry.
If taking him back was a mistake then its my mistake.. its my mistake to learn from and I'll take responsibilty for it.

There are so many people who love those who hurt us even if in our minds they should be forgiven and I am one of those who was blinded by a boy I thought I too loved.

I kept thinking I would take him back, when in reality he had needed and should have been sent to a police station. Instead I felt sorry for hurting him, sorry for not giving him another chance right away, sorry for being the one ot mess with his mind even though it was the other way around. He kep begging to talk to me, to call me, to be with me and stupid me fell for it after so long but was not allowed to take him back. He still went back to his old ways and I still bear those emotional scars.

Everyone has an opinion and some have experiance. It's still taking me years to heal from the old and the recent. If somebody killed my baby by hurting me it would take me much longer.

Imagine always feeling ashamed of yourself.

I see alot of scary, red flags.
but i dont know either of you personally.
do whats in your best intrest.