Parenting ;)

As a parent there are many things that we must do even when we do not want to.

Today, I spanked my nine year old daughter for the first time. I have smacked her bottom before, but never really a spanking.

I realized that when my parents told me that it hurts them worse than me everytime I got inot trouble exactly what they were talking about.

It is not just with "spankings", but every form of discipline we issue effects us as parents as well.

My question to you all is...

Do you think that there is a form of disciplin that we issue to our children that does not have any infraction upon our lives as well? When we scold and punish our children... is there a method that does not punish us too... either mentally, emotionally, or what not?

I am interested in hearing others thoughts on this...

~~Sher

I have always been jelous over the fact that you men can give THAT LOOK.. .or that certain voice you have and a child immediately stands at attention ...

I think it hurts the parent because we love our children so much and we hate to do anything that hurts them... we hate seeing them in any type of discomfort.

I could give you a look all right...

but I was being honest... For me, I want to cradle my kids everytime they have a whimper, and knowing that I am the cause of that pain digs into me in a such away that I feel guilty. Even when they cry just because I try talking to them about a problem I get the overwhelming feeling of guilt and want to hold them.

Ok... never mind, after spending the last 20 minutes trying to get all the water out of a Barbie air mattress while my 16 year old son had to keep his finger in that darn hole thingy (it is that new thing that you have to hold the lip open or it will shut off so no air can escape)
I have come to the conclusion that right now I want to beat a 13 year old boy...

When asked why he put water in the air mattress his simply said "so I can sleep on a water bed"...

Mind you he left the darn thing in the bath tub and I had to drain it before anyone could bathe....

Kids...

Kids are some thing they are just too inquisitive...lol

Some kids wish that there parents would just yell, scream and blow up because it means that once that is done they can go back to normal. It is often when you hear the words come out of your mother or father's mouth "I'm very disappointed with you, i thought you would have known better" and then you see that 'look' in their eyes. You know that what you did was wrong. Then the parents usually talk quiety or act differently around the kid and you will find that they will learn their lesson quickly say sorry, sorry, sorry because they just want things to go back to normal. When my parents used to hit me atleast i knew they would get it all out of them and that they would be worn out and leave me alone and then the next day things would be back to 'normal'.

Ddavid, that is one amazing post....I am getting you bro...

I need to sit down...phew.

Once a parent hits a child things never go back to normal......believe that

^mm that depends. a person who was beaten as a child would see any form of physical contact to children as wrong and severly detrimental but they hold a bias. There are children who when they were little would get a little smack on the bum or the hand just to symbolize that what they did was wrong. It never leaves a mark. Majority of children have been spanked lightly when they were kids and thought nothing of it when they were older. But i agree completly that when it gets to the stage of physical abuse it leaves an everlasting impact.

Wow Bianca, that is harsh....

I know this might sound weird, but do you know about your Fathers parents, like how they were with him?

I say this not to excuse him, cause he's clearly out of order but very often people who are very strict and abusive as parents were themselves raised very violently by their parents...and so it goes on....until someone breaks the pattern.

Lots of people of your generation and mine are doing this, because they have educated themselves to realize the patterns in these things...

Good luck to you....

You sound stronger than most people would be Bianca, and for that, having come from a rather unstable home myself, you have my respect.

I grew up into an adult thinking that I didn't need people, that I was self sufficient, having lived in my own flat since I was 15, working etc. And I, perhaps like you told myself that my slightly less than ideal upbringing had not really effect me...i mean i wasn't crying about it...i didn't have nightmares or anything...i felt pretty normal.

It was only years later when I started having serious adult relationships that demanded I be emotionally open that I realized I had been hurt, and had closed myself up very tightly to stop that happening again...so much so that I didn't feel much of anything...except intellectual amusement etc.

It took me a long time to open up to people....

I'm not lecturing you...I just remember people, my friends at the time my family problems were in full swing asking if I was ok...and I teold them yes...and you know, I really thought I was.....and perhaps you are as well....

Just don't be harsh with yourself...and more importantly, understand as I'm sure you do that there is nothing wrong with feeling bad about wanting things from your father and not getting them....perhaps really opening up to what you want will help you move past the need for it...

Or maybe I'm talking crap....

Good luck though...