What happened to me?

It's so weird.
i remember that just like a year ago i was pretty happy, at least i know i wasn't deppressed even though i was upset alot by my family and life i still lived through it all happily.
but one of my close friends died last year and everything seemed to go downhill from there, i just am constantly deppressed, i hide my true feelings from mostly everyone, i've even started cutting myself! and i try to push all my sadness back and be happy, but everytime i do that i just get even sadder. i just don't get anything anymore.

^i've even started cutting myself

I sometimes get the impression that people say that just to get attention on a discussion board,
and if you cut, think differently,'cause pain can be so beautiful,

Terminal choice- umm... sorry to say this but i really did not understand that at all.
maybe i unconciously said i cut myself to attract attention, who knows, i just know that it's the truth and so i said it.

night makes me sad too lexi, much as i love it it feels so lonely. i don't know why.

*jumps up and down*
oh sure! i just love having such a weird life! how exciting!

Dont worry i understand.... it is happening t me to, except my friend didnt die my lover left. I promise it hurts just as bad. Sometimes i wished he had died instead that way i know he had like an excuse for not being there, instead of just choosin not to be with me anymore. Now nothin seems good any more.

Night is the best time. No one there to bother me. I sleep and i am happy for in my dreams he loves me. I would never wake if i had the choice.

And i cut too, no i didnt say that for attention. I said it because it is a fact, i am not ashamed of it and dont want pity. It is who i am, and i will not deny it online just to make some one i dont know happy. sorry.

Okay...
1. i dont think sayin you cut on an internet thing is attention seekining, people dont even know who you are. i think people who open up on the internet are not attention seeking but feel like they can say the truth their and be annonamous. its a way of asking for help WITHOUT getting attention.
2. even if feeling depressed can be explained just by saying your a teenager and everyone gets like that doesnt meen its any easier, or any less painfull, it just means alot of people can understand what they are goin through and should help them through it, not say its inimportant or silly.
3. i havent cut since last summer but i still have scars on me from when i did. seriously just try and stop, i know it feels good but it honestly doesnt help. just trust me please, it will get better. one day it wont seem as bad and life will be beautiful again.
best of luck, i hope you feel better about it all soon, bethxxx.

Thanks everyone. it really cheers me up to know that other ppl feel the same as me.
^_^
and i'll try to stop cutting myself but it's strangely addictive.
sorry.

yea lexi, i do that too at night, its really weird though cause i love nighttime but it just makes me so sad. i normally just try to hide in my bedroom and do other stuff so that i can distract myself from it. but it doesn't really work.

Thanks. i need it. XD i'm not a very lucky sort of person.

:( why do you think you have OCD? and i have writers block too. *cries* it really sucks.

First off I don't know about the cutting bit - I never have and never will understand it ... and I don't claim to. But - sadness/despair/depression will and does eat away at you and it is completely insatiable.

I think of myself as a stable guy, yet every night I sit and wonder why I continue "life" - you wouldn't know this if you saw me. If you are not able to deal with the issue on your own, I would honestly speak to someone about whatever is preying on your mind (be it a friend/family or professional).

If you don't and you let it build up, it will burrow its ugly head into your soul and quite literally eat you alive.

2 cents placed.

I know what it's like. I started feeling like this about 3 years ago. And I'm still feeling it. Except now, it's more intense because a lot has happened to me, and I can't let go. "/
But you should have a best friend. .And tell her/him everything. .I have one person I tell absolutely everything to and she's been my best friend since we were 6 years old. Talking to at least one person helps. :] I know that if i didn't have my best friend, who knows what I would've done to myself by now.. And supressing your feelings always makes it worse, because it gets bottled up and eventually explodes. And that's not good. SoOo. Find a friend to talk to, you know. :]
Don't try to deal with it all alone. In the end, it'll turn out bad. .Trust me, I know. .

Terminal Choice:

Many people do say it's just to get attention. I don't cut. I punch things, and to me, one pain to take away the other helps..