Comments : My souls fire

  • 9 years ago

    by Masked metaphor

    First of all - I love the title it instantly gripped me! That is definitely the first sign of an amazing poet (the ability to lure and grip the reader into their writing!)

    This fire that once gave me life
    now consumes my soul
    creating anarchy and strife
    which buries me deep in the whole
    ^^
    I like the structure of writing you have used here with line 1 and 3 rhyming and line 2 and 4 rhyming - using an iambic meter of abab - it was only recently that I know how to follow one before it just confused me. You have made this stanza flow so naturally with your emotion embedded words! I love the oppositional connection of the fire - it gave you life then it consumed it - it carries a powerful message and can have many metaphorical and symbolical messages just like water - it can be calm and at the same time it can be disastrous - I feel like you have used the same link to identify the fire - Fire can be soothing when playing gently on a candle wick yet can be monstrous when burning down a house or forest. Yet to add to this link you have made it more personal - the fire in your life. Fire has many symbols and representations such as anger and hate but can also mean passion like the ignition of emotions between lovers - here you have used it as a fuel to power your emotions and in some way it has consumed your soul (I love the word consumes here - beautifully incorporated)
    I like your use of anarchy it truly develops this poem deeper into your thoughts - how chaotic this consummation has effected you - there is no longer order and control your just revolving in its grasp powerless between the flames. Just a question is the last line meant to be 'whole' or 'hole'?

    Of my shattered being
    what pain have I brought upon me
    that now all I feel
    is the darkness of my soul unseeing.
    ^^
    Wow such a powerful stanza - a personal reflection, an amazing poetic technique of a rhetorical question followed by a voiced opinion. Here you open the door of your inner thoughts and emotions to the reader - allowing the reader to be there with you in your flaws and weaknesses - you come to the realisation that you dont know what is happening to you, that life was not how it used to be, that it has changed and you dont know how it went so off track - shattered being - such intense visuals come to mind when reading this - very impactful!
    I like the last two lines - its almost a recognition of why life is so distorted and different, an answer your soul seeks as it is blinded by what has occurred - like the words soul and unseeing!

    Thank you so much for sharing such amazing work!
    I really enjoyed reading it!

    5/5

    • 9 years ago

      by Dancing Rivers

      Wow thank you so much for the amazing comment!!!! To be honest,I think the fire metaphor at the time I wrote it, fit every interpretation, it was sort of an all-round consummation, I'm love, in life, in my passion and emotion, in my thoughts and dreams, the fire, on the heat of the moment of writing this poem, was consuming all of me and not just my emotions.also,I don't actually know,I guess it could be"whole"or"hole", because it could be"whole"on the sense that it buries me deeper within myself, hiding from the world and reality add I tend to do on a regular basis when the fire strikes, or it could be"hole"in the sense that it feels like I'm falling into a giant chasm that I can't escape everytime I'm possessed and consumed by the fire.I guess I'll leave it to the reader to decide and make it more personal for them :-)

  • 9 years ago

    by Lune de ma vie

    So this morning before I headed to work I noticed the title of this poem which pulled me in I felt I had to read it before I headed to work, so awesome title, way to grip the readers eyes and draw them to your poem.

    This fire that once gave me life
    now consumes my soul
    creating anarchy and strife
    which buries me deep in the whole

    ^
    This fire that once gave me life now consumes my soul. Awesome intro! I can imagine the fire consuming your heart and soul surrounding your walls within you.. As it builds up it begins to overtake you creating anarchy and strife barring you deep inside it's flames. I love how you opened it with the inspiring flames almost being your friend guiding you and in an instant they engulf you, like maybe a metaphor of life and the stresses. Kind of how when we are kids we don't have many stresses and as we grow older we gather more stresses. I kind of took the flames as a metaphor of growing up perhaps..

    Of my shattered being
    what pain have I brought upon me
    that now all I feel
    is the darkness of my soul unseeing.

    ^
    Somber tone here, I feel like the fire has been put out, stomped out and as it has been put out you have been shattered to pieces, and the pain is overtaking you and consuming your soul.. Leading you to darkness unable to find that fire which brought you up in the first place but as it grew it was too much to handle.. Or so I took this.. Metaphorically.

    Nonetheless amazing write.

    • 9 years ago

      by Dancing Rivers

      Once again thank you so much,I love that you interpret every line and word, you really take the time to absorb the meaning of the poems as a whole, thank you for that :-)

  • 9 years ago

    by gumshuda

    Wowwww.... I'm bad at commenting so I don't think you are going to comment like your previous ones...
    But one thing amazingly awesome....

    I love love LOVE this one.... It's too good hazel...
    Keep writing such beautiful poems....